Loner looking for tough love, putting it all out there.

I am 57 years old and morbidly obese. In August 2021 I stepped on the scale and it showed a terrifying number. 370 pounds. How did I get there? 2014 I weighed 216 pounds when I started not feeling well. I was in pain, couldn't sleep, had balance problems all of a sudden, and anxiety. My whole world shifted and I felt it.

Three months later I ended up in the ER, no diagnosis there just a high bill. I went to a nurse practitioner and was sent to see a Rheumatologist. Verdict: Rheumatoid Arthritis, a disease we don't know anything about until we have to deal with it. (No, it's not the same as arthritis, not even close.) It's shifting pain 24/7, fatigue like when you have the flu, depression. They call it "The Pulling disease" and they are right!

I make you feel better the doctor said and put me on steroids and other medications, all of them cause weight gain. Steroids are dramatic, I gained weight by the week.

Before Corona hit us, I was already weighing in at 300 pounds, after Corona at 370 pounds. Was it all the steroids? Heck, no, I ate and ate and ate. I was hungry all the time.

"We need to support the restaurants," I told my husband when the lockdown started, and so we ordered in. Breakfast or lunch. Baconators, McDonald's breakfast, pizza, fried chicken. Everything we both should not have had. So many restaurants needed our support, we did our best. :-)

I went from pity parties to being downright depressed and hopeless. From there I went to anger and resentment. "Why me?" And the universe laughed.

I don't like myself right now. The weight bothers me, my quadruple chin bothers me. The way I look bothers me. I can't even walk from one end to the room to the next, without being out of breath. I have to sit down all the time, which probably is the worst. My health frightens me.

I had it! I had it! I am fed up -in every form and way.

14 days ago I called my doctor and asked for 5 mg Prednisone, told her I would taper down and I did. I cut the pills in half and went from 20 mg to 17.5, now at 15 mg. Next week it's going to be 12.5 mg.

I have researched this awful disease, I have read up on it, I am ready. I have learned about the hippy lifestyle aka the anti-inflammatory diet. As of three days ago, I stopped eating gluten and sugar. I will have to give up dairy and I have to be very, very careful not to eat too much protein. I have recipes ready.

I chose my username wisely because I want to become a RA warrior. Maybe I won't succeed and will have to be on heavy medication for the rest of my life, but I will try and give it my all.

My next doctor's appointment is in September. I want to have a bulletproof plan for my doctor, and results by then. This time I will do the talk and the walk.

It's now or never.

I have become a loner. I don't go out anymore, because I can't walk much and I don't fit in a booth, and because I am careful. COVID likes fat people like me.

Anyhow, I weighed in today and the scale showed 364.8. Isn't that fantastic? I lost almost six pounds already. It's nothing but means everything to me right now. I will check in with my new weight tomorrow morning.

I am new here at MyFitnessPal. I am terrified. I am determined and I talk (write) too much. I need tough love!

I don't have many friends in real life, I have become a hermit crab. Not sure if it will continue here too. I hope not, but it won't matter. I am determined. My time to shine!