My introduction

Hi Matt, Thank you for your service, and I can't imagine all you have been through. Be kind to yourself. You've been through a lot!

When i first started working out, i didnt even consider it that. i just wanted to try and be a bit healthier. losing weight wasn't even my goal. I mean, i needed to, and knew i needed to, but i just wanted to try and be healthier. I started by just going on a walk 2-3 times a week. and.... it wasn't much of a walk. at almost 400 pounds i could not go very far at all. 10 minutes was about all i had in me. but i kept doing it. and it didnt take long, really, before i could go a little bit longer. and then, i started to go more often. always when it was dark, i didnt want people to SEE me - but id go after dark, or early in the morning. often, both. more days added. my neighbor was a member at planet fitness and asked me if i wanted to go with her (she only went occasionally). I said sure. So I'd go with her. i thought i was going to die on the elliptical. lasted about 7 minutes. But kept going. maybe once a week with her? not very often. kept walking. By that point had started watching what I was eating (i think). Then i wanted to go to the gym more than she did, so got my own membership. That was back in 2014. as of september 1, I have lost 192 pounds. ( for 2 years I was in maintenance, working on losing the last 40 or so now). So... all of it was a process. a long one. But I didnt give up. You dont have to work out to lose weight. As I said, that happens in the kitchen. But it does have many other benefits that your body does need. Find something you enjoy. Most Y's are affordable and have a wide variety of classes for all fitness levels. Make small changes. dont try to change everything overnight. little changes can lead to giant ones, if you give it enough time.

I also have depression (major depressive disorder - or, so they say) and social anxiety. When I am doing good, I control it. When I'm not.... well, I'm not in control. Add onto that, I have OCD and control issues. Imagine that. I am just ALL KINDS OF FUN! My therapist and doctors are happy I have really good insurance.

you are welcome to add me if you want. i dont post much about diet and weight loss (ive lost 192+ pounds) though sometimes i will. i post a lot about my life, usually with a humorous spin. a lot about my dogs and farm. Most of the time my life is like a sitcom- it is always something crazy around here. im not the friend for everyone and i know that (and thats okay) but the friends i have are an AWESOME bunch of people, many ive had for years. So, you are welcome to board the crazy train and if you do, and nose around and decide I am not your cup of tea, no harm no foul if you decide to disembark hmmmm what else... I swear a lot. Am pretty far left (but tend to avoid politics). i dont click like on automatic posts (I have all mine disabled so mine dont post anyway) but if you actually WRITE something, as long as i see it, i usually have a comment about most things, pretty much guaranteed ill never look at your food diary unless you say you're having a problem or have a question, then ill look and try to help. I am up at zero dark thirty (farm life) and off and on throughout the day until dinner and then i pretty much go radio silent until zero dark thirty the next day. and that is me in a nutshell.

@deepbluebeard Man, you got a lot on your plate. But you know what else you have? You have experience in dealing with unpleasantness, pain, stupid people, bad weather, heat, cold, sun in your eyes . . .life. You also have a proven ability to persist in a course of action or you never would have made it through basic training. You have the ability to exercise self-discipline and self-control. You have the ability to determine the good habits that will change your life and MAKE THEM HABITS.

Now, depression sucks. You can get help for that. Disability sucks, but you can walk, move, breath, see, taste. . . so don't give up on yourself.

You also have people who WANT to help and encourage you, right here. But you cannot be a "one post wonder". You have to communicate, tell on yourself, encourage others. BE PRESENT.

Got it? Sorry if I sounded like your old drill sergeant there. HUGS, and sending a friend request your way.