whole new me...I hope

Hello, new to MFP - full disclosure - this post is probably more for me than anyone who might end up reading it LOL. I just wanted to write down why I'm here so that I can read it if I ever think about giving up...

I have pretty much never dieted in my life. maybe a cleanse once or twice but never a food and exercise tracking anything before. so I really have no idea how all this is going to go, all I know is that something has to change for me. so...Hopefully this is the catalyst for that change.

Its not that I've been thin all my life and then suddenly something happened either. I've always been on the rounder side waffling between 175 - 190 at 5'4" so not a thin person by any stretch, but overall - it never bothered me so I never really did anything about it. I wasn't ever out of breath, I could do hikes, I never "felt" overweight, and I never looked in the mirror and thought "ew," to be fair I never thought "oh, hi gorgeous" either, I just though "meh, who cares". and that was my relationship with body image for 90% of my life.

and then the pandemic hit, which happened to coincide with the onset of menopause. Suddenly health was something I thought about a lot. and seeing my overly rubenesque frame in the mirror made me ask the question: "should I care more?? and my thought response was "hmmm, probably." So, I decided to do something I had never done before. First I quit smoking, YAY me right? sure...but...I gained an additional 40lbs. And I feel it. I don't mean I feel sad, or emotional over it, I mean feel it, physically, I know exactly how much weight my bones can handle because once I hit 210 I couldn't wake up without hurting. My joints hurt, like all the time, my limbs feel heavy, I get winded doing simple things - and I QUIT smoking...so that sucks - a lot. I didn't quit smoking so that breathing would be a problem! I cant get comfortable enough to sleep well, I snore like a freight train loaded up with gassy Billy goats. I think you get the picture its had a dramatic impact on my life. I also started getting severe migraines. I had always suffered from migraines but now they were frequent. My husband recommended I check my blood pressure and see if maybe that was a factor. sure enough...it was through the roof. I 'm not gonna lie, second full disclosure - I was petrified. I have always had really low blood pressure. the one time it was high was right after I had my daughter, and that almost killed me. so blood pressure and I don't have a friendly history. My doctor got me on meds but, that didn't alleviate the fear. I have a 7 year old daughter. I need to be here for her, I need to start taking my health seriously I cant let this be a "Meh, whatever" issue anymore. She's going to need me for a lot of firsts, and I don't want to miss out just because I was too apathetic. I cant honestly call myself a good parent if I stay on the path towards an early death.

SO I decided I had to do something about it, quite honestly I didn't know what to do. first I decided I needed to get moving. A friend also decided to encourage this and now we walk, every second day. Its not a lot, but its a start. slowly but surely I'm trying to develop a fitness regime that will work with my schedule, maybe even be fun, so far it consists of walking and stretching, and who knows what else will come. I know though, that exercise alone isn't gonna cut it if I plan to lose 85lbs. and thats where i struggled. I am so used to eating whatever is there, whatever is convenient it was almost impossible to know what to eat and what not to. I knew I needed help, so I tried another App for about a week after seeing a bunch of ads for it. But I just cant afford it, so I looked up alternatives, and after looking, MFP seems to have all the stuff I need, for free, and all the additional stuff I could want for way cheaper. So, this is me. Taking the first few steps towards being accountable to myself, and making some healthy habits and hopefully some lower Blood pressure readings and smaller jean sizes.

Wish me luck!!