Stinkin' Thinkin' - when will it stop???

Your post caught my attention because the "Stinkin' Thinkin" is exactly something we're covering in my college Life Skills class right now. And, I hate to say this, I haven't caught on to it yet. I've lost 60lbs (maybe more by now, I haven't stepped on the scale recently) and I SEE the beautifulness, but I DON'T BELIEVE IT. It's helping, too, that I've found new friends who constantly tell me I'm beautiful. The company you keep really does play a part.

Best of luck to us all!! BECAUSE WE'RE WORTH IT!!

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I know this is hard. I lost 90 pounds before I had my last baby and even after losing the weight I couldn't 'see' myself as thin OR healthy for some reason. I completely understand where you're coming from. This sounds corny but I tell myself every day that I am beautiful. I stand in front of the mirror in my underwear and I look at all of my stretch marks and my I tell myself that I'm beautiful. In reality, I'm no super model but ya know what? I have amazing green eyes and a nice smile. I have perfect teeth and I'm smart as hell. Most importantly I have a great personality and that in itself makes me beautiful.

It's not about the weight you've lost. It's about what's inside that now-skinny person. And if it takes you looking at your imperfections and telling yourself that you're beautiful despite them - then do it!

As much as it took you to make the change about your wait, change the way you look too. Maybe buy some facial cream to help out with your skin. Try dying your hair a different color. Try some new techiniques with your make up. And best of all, by something really sexy that compliments you and you feel good.

I understand sometimes it is hard to feel as confident as you should. I tend to change something about myself and then pick myself apart somewhere else. Relax, it is not as nearly as bad as YOU think it is.

When you wake up tomorrow point out something you like about yourself instead of something you dont.

Good luck.

I'm actually the opposite. I never see a fat guy when I look in the mirror, but the scale says otherwise. I'm not sure how you can stop this, but I will say your picture is very nice. I would recommend going shopping. For me, I realize how fat I am (I just joined a week ago) when I'm trying to find clothes that actually fit and look good. I think if you go shopping you will realize: 1) how you can fit in the nice looking clothes again; 2) how you look good in them. That is a day I'm looking toward, and by the way congratulations on the amazing weight loss!

Boy can I relate to this. I happen to think that no matter how much weight I lose, I may look in shape but that won't change my overall physical looks. Unfortuantely, short of some medical intervention, that won't change. I guess I will have to live with it, and most days it's OK, but some days, well, it's just depressing.

I get into these places where I focus on the flaws, and don't see the good. Here's the thing, though. Those days don't happen all the time. They happen when I CHOOSE to NOT focus on the positive - whether its cuz of other things going on in my life, me not being challenged enough, me getting distracted, or any number of reasons. When I allow myself to break it down and realize what is causing the lack of self esteem, or letting the little bad guy in my head to take over, I then take control and can snap myself out of it. So, the answer to the question of when it will stop - I think the potential for it happening will always be there - it's just that you have to recognize the symptoms and addressing it before it becomes a problem. In other words, you are the only one with the power to stop it. As to how to overcome it, you just have to focus on the positive, and keep reminding yourself how far you have come and what new and positive changes you have made in your life. One possible strategy is to make a pact with yourself that everytime you get the ugly thoughts, you will do X which helps improve your self esteem.

I'm kind of scattered today, so this probably doesn't make sense but...The point of this rant is - A) We all can tell you how truly beautiful you are - and you are, but until you can embrace that fulltime, you won't believe it. You may not ever reach that point (I doubt I ever would), but if you can make a plan for the next step when you do feel the beginnings of going to those dark places, it may help you to either not go there, or at least to not be there for long.

I know what you mean. I always feel like I still need to do more even when my wife says I lot really good. I now know that to be true. I get compliments all over my job, when I see my friends and church. So if everyone but me sees it, I need to learn to that I am alright. Now I walk tall and proud. Not conceited, just with an accomplished feeling. I still blush when the ladies at my job say something. My customers don't hold back on what they think. Enough to make everyone around them blush. Anyway, your hot and you did a great job. Now it's just believing it and acting it (Seriously though, really great job!)

It may seem silly, but maybe do some pampering for yourself? New hair color or a new hair cut, nails a different color, switch up the makeup routine-- or implement one if there isn't one. I never used to be into girly things but I've discovered a new love for neutral nail polishes.

The beauty is there, sometimes you just need to play around with things yourself in order to feel comfortable in it!

Thank you all for your replies.

A couple of things I probably should have clarified - blotchy skin as in it looks red and white and is all freckled, not blotchy skin as in acne. Since I started my healthy lifestyle last year, my skin is vary rarely pimply.

Also, I did just get a sort of "makeover" - got a new hairstyle that I really do love - I chopped off nearly 12 inches and got highlights and lowlights and bought some clothes that fit and flatter.

It isn't that so much as it is that I spent my entire childhood being told (by my father, by friends, and once by a boyfriend) that I was the ugly one (my two older sisters are classically beautiful and look very little like me, and my female friends were always very pretty). Brilliant (no issues with confidence about my brain, since that was one compliment I've always been given... probably since I first started talking), but homely.

I know logically that I mostly grew into my features and am definitely not as awkward as I was as a child, but more than a quarter-century of negative thinking is a lot to get over.

I feel like, even when I get compliments, it must be "you look good COMPARED TO what you looked like before," not just "you look good. Period." It's hard to wrap my brain around.

Anyway, any additional suggestions on how to change this stinkin' thinkin' are greatly appreciated.

It is hard to get over mental habits that have been cultivated over a couple of decades. Believe me, I know. That's why it's so important to take an active role in changing your thinking. It won't just go away, any more than the weight just fell off. It takes hard work to change yourself, whether you're trying for a physical change or a mental one. But just as you knew it was worth it to work hard to get in shape, it's SO worth it to work to change your thinking. The mental shift might even be more important than the physical one.

What I said earlier, about how adorable you are? That's from your NOW picture. I don't know what you used to look like. So... there's that.