Gained and don't care; I don't even want to try to change
JaneSnowe
Posts: 1,283 Member
I haven't been here in a long time, mostly because my weight was healthy. But since 2019 I've had some major changes--a big move was an excuse to indulge in junk food, then the pandemic started, then more stress from other sources, and more excuses. In about 2.5 years, I went from a BMI of 22.3 to 31.8. And the thing is, I don't really care. I feel like, if being this size (which IMO isn't very big) means I can eat whatever I want, then it's worth it. But obviously that's bad for my health. Anyone else had this type of thinking? Any ideas about how to care again?
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Replies
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I think part of you does care or you wouldn’t have posted. You mention your health, have you seen a dr recently? Did you feel deprived before? You can still eat the same foods, just smaller portions. I understand about needing motivation and I have been at the not caring stage before.
I do have health issues and they would improve if I lost weight so that motivates me. And, my husband sets a good example and helps me.
Can you think of something, maybe you want to live longer or be better at a sport, or stay healthy?6 -
Looks like you have a depression.4
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I agree with above, I think some mental health support is probably a really good idea.
I've always said that the best diet is a good therapist. Address the reasons you aren't eating well and then you won't have reasons not to eat well.
Eating poorly for your body only feels good when you have an unmet emotional need to self medicate. It feels good because you need it for some reason. Eliminate that reason and it won't feel so good anymore.4 -
I'm probably going to get a few disagrees for this, but I think it's okay to stay where you are for now if you keep tabs on your health parameters. Trust me, when something starts to go off with your blood panel you will most probably start to care.
As adults we make choices. If you feel your current choice is better for your mental health and are aware of the risks, then that's an okay choice to make as long as you ARE aware of the risks and keep an eye on them. In the future, you may want to make a different choice. That doesn't make your current choice meaningless, it's right for you at this point in time. Keep that in mind if something does push you to lose weight again - instead of feeling regretful and overwhelmed then, prepare mentally to deal with any circumstances with the right mindset and the right plan.8 -
Well, I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. For one thing, the longer you stay obese, the more likely you are to have loose skin when you do lose weight. And a BMI of 30 may look great on you - it does on some people - but how fast can you run right now? Do you enjoy physical activity as much as when you were lighter? Do your feet and knees get tired?
I used to feel much the way you do now. I ended up a lifetime diabetic and wish I had put the brakes on sooner.
I think it’s pretty normal to react to the insane levels of stress we have all been going through this past couple of years by becoming exhausted, and when you get mentally exhausted, you start jettisoning things which aren’t essential, like throwing cargo over to save a sinking ship. But it turns out some of that stuff was actually useful. Like eating right and exercising. It may not be your first priority at all times but in the long run you’re going to need it.
Not everyone is a therapy person. When I’m unable to cope therapy feels like one more obligation I have to find time for. But whatever self-care looks like for you, maybe do that. Demand help from people around you who may not be carrying their share of the load. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am so tired and I need…” and finish the sentence. Then figure out how to get whatever you need.6 -
I think part of you does care or you wouldn’t have posted. You mention your health, have you seen a dr recently? Did you feel deprived before? You can still eat the same foods, just smaller portions. I understand about needing motivation and I have been at the not caring stage before.
I do have health issues and they would improve if I lost weight so that motivates me. And, my husband sets a good example and helps me.
Can you think of something, maybe you want to live longer or be better at a sport, or stay healthy?
I have seen a doctor, and so far my health is OK. I definitely don't want to ruin my health; maybe I should aim for eating healthier foods right now and not worry about portion sizes until later. (I know excess weight in itself is not good for health, but I could at least replace junk food with fresh food for now.)
I did feel deprived before; for a long time I lived overseas in a place where there's plenty of food, but not easy access to fast and junk food that's available in the US. When I moved back here, I knew I would gain because I wanted to enjoy the things I'd missed but I was OK with that because I anticipated returning to my normal diet after I'd splurged. What I didn't count on was a pandemic. I had lost half of what I gained when lock downs started, and since then I gained it back.
When I try to think of something to motivate me to change, there's not a whole lot. The reason I posted is because of the disconnect between who I was and who I am now. Past me would have been mortified of present me, but present me is fine as-is. I feel like I owe it to past me to at least try to want to improve.3 -
Looks like you have a depression.
I am prone to depression, but right now it's managed. However, maybe having it managed isn't enough. Maybe I need to make an effort to be happier in ways that don't involve eating. I'll have to give some thought about what that looks like for me.2 -
I agree with above, I think some mental health support is probably a really good idea.
I've always said that the best diet is a good therapist. Address the reasons you aren't eating well and then you won't have reasons not to eat well.
Eating poorly for your body only feels good when you have an unmet emotional need to self medicate. It feels good because you need it for some reason. Eliminate that reason and it won't feel so good anymore.
I think you are probably right. All the big changes in my life were hard to deal with and aggravated my depression. Thankfully, I was able to find a decent therapist, and a good psychiatrist. So I'm doing better now and would even say I'm fine, but maybe I can make more progress toward being happier in more meaningful ways. I'll give it some thought.0 -
amusedmonkey wrote: »I'm probably going to get a few disagrees for this, but I think it's okay to stay where you are for now if you keep tabs on your health parameters. Trust me, when something starts to go off with your blood panel you will most probably start to care.
As adults we make choices. If you feel your current choice is better for your mental health and are aware of the risks, then that's an okay choice to make as long as you ARE aware of the risks and keep an eye on them. In the future, you may want to make a different choice. That doesn't make your current choice meaningless, it's right for you at this point in time. Keep that in mind if something does push you to lose weight again - instead of feeling regretful and overwhelmed then, prepare mentally to deal with any circumstances with the right mindset and the right plan.
This is really helpful, and I appreciate your perspective. I truly don't want to ruin my health, so I do try to keep an eye on things like blood pressure, cholesterol, activity level, etc. But I'm also just emerging on the other side of a time when it felt impossible to care about a healthful diet because the only happiness I was getting was from food. It feels like a long time ago, but it was only a few months ago that things started getting better. I guess I should acknowledge that while I'm better than I was at my worst, I can still do more to be my best.
Your second paragraph is so validating and supportive because that's exactly what I went through. But maybe I just need to tell myself that it's time to move on and begin to work for more progress now, even though I feel fine at present. Like part of me is satisfied with how things are, but another (smaller) part is thinking about how it will be if I don't start to make changes and how good it could be if I do.0 -
rheddmobile wrote: »Well, I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. For one thing, the longer you stay obese, the more likely you are to have loose skin when you do lose weight. And a BMI of 30 may look great on you - it does on some people - but how fast can you run right now? Do you enjoy physical activity as much as when you were lighter? Do your feet and knees get tired?
I used to feel much the way you do now. I ended up a lifetime diabetic and wish I had put the brakes on sooner.
I think it’s pretty normal to react to the insane levels of stress we have all been going through this past couple of years by becoming exhausted, and when you get mentally exhausted, you start jettisoning things which aren’t essential, like throwing cargo over to save a sinking ship. But it turns out some of that stuff was actually useful. Like eating right and exercising. It may not be your first priority at all times but in the long run you’re going to need it.
Not everyone is a therapy person. When I’m unable to cope therapy feels like one more obligation I have to find time for. But whatever self-care looks like for you, maybe do that. Demand help from people around you who may not be carrying their share of the load. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am so tired and I need…” and finish the sentence. Then figure out how to get whatever you need.
Yikes! I do not want loose skin! That has been dimly in the back of my mind, so thank you for saying it up front. And yes, I am obese. I don't "look" like it, I'm definitely smaller than most of my co-workers, but I can feel the extra fat when I sit, and I can't walk too far without getting winded, which is new for me. : ( Thank you for showing me some red flags I've been ignoring.
I'm going to give some thought to what self-care I need. Reading everyone's replies here has made me think that maybe I've been doing little more than surviving and coping. I need to think about how I can start enjoying and participating.7 -
Honestly, if you want to be healthier just start by doing one more fruit or veggie than you've been eating a day. Maybe try to walk a bit more. You don't need to start at x amount of calories and x amount of workouts. Small changes add up over time.1
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Also, I'd like to add that for a certain amount of time I was also fine with being obese. Change is hard and I knew I didn't have the energy & time to change. I also knew I would one day.
That day was about a month ago1 -
I don't really care. I feel like, if being this size (which IMO isn't very big) means I can eat whatever I want, then it's worth it. But obviously that's bad for my health. Anyone else had this type of thinking? Any ideas about how to care again?
Pretty much me in a nutshell. Dont care about my size at all, and love that I can eat whatever I want. All I can eat korean bbq, dominos pizza, and mcdonalds ice cream cones in the same day? Sounds like a plan. Depression? Hell no. Just living the life 😂
This prob doesnt apply to anyone else, b travel and sports are really the only two reasons I found to stay athletic. I have a high risk of injury while snowboarding and downhill biking if my muscles arent tight and supporting everything. Likewise, I also want to look good when I travel to other countries during shirt off season 😏1 -
But you do care. How else do you explain this post? Like nearly everyone, you’re conflicted. On some level it’s bugging you. Forget what you did before and try this-
Piece of paper, line down the middle, two lists. Why you want to lose weight on one side. Why you don’t on the other. You’ve already started. You do want to be heathy but you don’t want to feel deprived. Give it some thought. Get everything you can think of even if it seems trivial or silly.
Then look at your lists and see if there are any deals you can make with yourself to get both sides some of what it wants.
If you don’t care much if you lose, then you won’t care how long it takes. This is a huge advantage. Eating 100 extra calories a day gets us gaining about 10 lbs in a year. And as you’ve seen, once we are used to a little extra it’s easy to keep doing it.
But on the other hand, 100 calorie deficit will get us losing about 10 lbs per year. Think small. Slow and steady wins the race.3
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