why are people so quick to tell you to stop loosing weight?

SummerReen
SummerReen Posts: 5
edited October 2 in Health and Weight Loss
noway: Is it just me? I am 5"11 and I was close to 300 lbs. It's been about a year and I've managed to loose 94 pounds so far. I have a consistent exercise program that I do 4 days a week and I've changed my eating habits and log my food daily on MFP. All of these have contributed to my weight loss success, along with a lot of hard work and sacrifice.

What bugs me the most is that most of my closest friends and co-workers are so quick to tell me "you don't need to loose any more weight", or "you're not trying to loose anymore weight are you? You look fine and should stop", This bugs me for quite a few reasons.

The number 1 reason is: where was your concern when I was 1 Mc nugget away from weighing 300 lbs? No one told me, "hey you're not trying to put on any more weight are you?"

The number 2 reason this bugs the heck out of me is that I am NO WHERE NEAR where I physically even look unhealthy. I still weigh 205 lbs.!! I feel like I have to tell people this to get them to shut up about my weight loss which brings me to:

My 3rd biggest issue which is: now everyone's a dietician or physician. Their usual reply when I tell them what my weight is, " Oh, well your tall so you’re suppose to weigh that much or else it's unhealthy".

I have actually gotten into arguments with people about my weight and them trying to tell me what my goal weight should be. When I tell them what my goal is (which I shouldn't have too,) I still have to hear, "that's too thin". I've been 175 all of my life up until I had kids-- that's been my average weight. That puts me at a size 12, which is my goal weight and size. I really would like to be able to say something polite without having to give out my current weight and dress size vs. my goal size in order for other people to be "on board" with my loss weight journey. I hoping to get some good feedback or suggestions on what to say or do. Even some random guy at the gym said, “hey you’ve lost a lot of weight, you’re not going to loose any more are you?’ I appreciate people noticing but it just DRIVES ME NUTS!!! Help! Your thoughts???
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Replies

  • killerqueen17
    killerqueen17 Posts: 536 Member
    Just ignore the haters... they are probably jealous. I think you sort of encourage it by giving them specific numbers and that sort of thing... maybe don't tell them what you weigh, or what your goals are. If they comment on your weight loss, just tell them thanks for noticing... and if they ask if you still want to lose, just tell them you really just want to feel fit and healthy.

    I think that the numbers are none of their business!! Just keep doing what you're doing and let them talk. :)
  • fit4lyfeLisa
    fit4lyfeLisa Posts: 529 Member
    I am dealing with that now, and it gets right on my last nerve.
  • KBrenOH
    KBrenOH Posts: 704 Member
    I haven't reached that point yet, but when I do -- and if I hear it, I'll politely tell them to mind their own business the first time. I might even be just as nice the second.. but the third time - they'll understand just how tired I am of them butting into my personal life un-invited.
    Good luck.
  • Cindy311
    Cindy311 Posts: 780 Member
    I get this too and I just grin and go on. I am 5'8 and right at 160 lbs but I've realized this isn't my real goal weight and I need to lose some more. I think some people don't know how to give a compliment but instead give back handed snide remarks. If you're not happy then just tell them you'll stop when you get ready to :) Best of luck and congrats on the 94!
  • jamielee37
    jamielee37 Posts: 57 Member
    I would just say that you're going to lose until you feel happiest in your skin, which is pre kiddies. If they press remind them that it's your body and you're doing this for health reasons. (you can always make up a reason if they press, such as family health history)
    You're absolutely right though, it's absolutely none of their business. If they're douches you're allowed to tell them that too! Stick up for what you want girl! Great progress...you keep it up as long as you healthily do so =)
  • cheshirechic
    cheshirechic Posts: 489 Member
    I'd say "I appreciate the concern, but I'm just staying healthy." When people at work comment on my weight loss, or tell me that I'm "disappearing" (which I'm definitely not!), I tell them, "I'm doing it the healthy way this time!" That usually stops them, with the idea that they don't REALLY want to hear about my food issues. Or I'll start talking about my plan (# of calories, deficits, workout plan per week, etc.), and they'll usually become uninterested. This isn't a great answer, but I hope it helps.

    Or, you could just refer them to MFP. I tell everyone about it. ;D
  • MikeSEA
    MikeSEA Posts: 1,074 Member
    I had a co-worker tell me that I was happier when I was fat. I resisted the urge to ask them what their excuse was. I cite this as proof that they were incorrect in their assessment.
  • BabyDuchess
    BabyDuchess Posts: 353 Member
    I completely understand.....I've had it happen to me a few times and I try to take it with a grain of salt and let it flow gently in one ear and out the other. Bottom line is that it's my body and I'm going to do what I feel is best for me. And I agree that we shouldn't have to explain this to ANYONE....especially to people that we didn't ask opinions of. :flowerforyou:
  • bethdris
    bethdris Posts: 1,090 Member
    I think ppl are trying to be "supportive". I get the same thing too. Im 5'9 started at 246 and now weigh 155..When I was about 180 ppl starting asking when did I plan on stop losing... My answer: When I am at LEAST in the "heathy' range on the BMI chart. ( didn't answer this way to everyone). That put me at 169 and thats the HIGH end of the "healthy"...

    You have to weigh whatever makes you feel good about YOU! Some people are just too darn nosy for their own good...esssh...you don't ask them...Really, your going to eat another piece of pie?
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
    A friend and I had this discussion last night. People who love you, truly love you are happy for you no matter how they feel about themselves. People who don't love you are hung up on their own feelings and reflect that back at you. When they say vile, hateful, or just negative things IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. They're expressing an insecurity, a disappointment or frustration with themselves that they can't ignore when facing your success.

    I just reassure folks that I'm working with my doctor and appreciate their concern. I smile and bite my tongue as far as not appreciating their hateful scorn and attempts to sabotage me.
  • lausa22
    lausa22 Posts: 467 Member
    My friend, who is a twig, keeps telling me I don't need to lose weight and that I'm 'not eating properly'
    I just tell her she's wrong, but it gets on my nerves sometimes. For me, it's always the skinny ones that tell you not to lose weight!
  • lisasbig30
    lisasbig30 Posts: 20
    Jealousy is a nasty little green monster that loves the company of misery. The best advice that I can give you is keep smiling and keep doing what you are doing. When those types of people start making comments like that then it means you are doing something right. When someone ask you something like "You aren't going to lose anymore weight are you?" reply by changing the subject to them somehow if it is only to ask how their family is.
  • LA_proud
    LA_proud Posts: 162 Member
    I am there with you. I have this one lady at church who is just all over me. I have lost 35 lbs since I started my journey on 4/19. Now she says to me, if I lose any more weight no one will be able to say anything to me. Well guess what honey, you cant say anything to me now!!!

    Keep your head up and strut right past all the people who do not have your best interest at heart!
  • Misiaxcore
    Misiaxcore Posts: 659 Member
    They're jelly of our success and dedication.
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    I know...it drives me crazy. No one said ANYTHING when I was 5'5 and 160, but now that I'm 5'5 and 131...I get so much crap about it. I didn't know that a new love for working out and healthy food was bad. Ugh... :( One time, one of my friends did admit she was jealous and that's why, but for everyone else, I don't know!
  • khartley535
    khartley535 Posts: 151 Member
    I just reassure folks that I'm working with my doctor and appreciate their concern.

    This is what I would suggest too. Tell them that you've discussed your goals with your doctor and he/she is perfectly ok with it.
  • Shastabugg1
    Shastabugg1 Posts: 28
    I completely agree with kilkerqueen17. Don't give numbers and figures, its obvious you've lost weight at this point. Don't come to the point where u have to defend yourself or get into an argument, if u politely yet assertively tell these people your not at your goal and you'll continue to lose till you are they will get the point.

    And it probably is a case of haterism, smile and dismiss :)
  • lisadlocks
    lisadlocks Posts: 212 Member
    You are doing so well.

    I am starting to get the same responses.They now are saying that I am too skinny and I weigh 200 pounds and I am 5'9. I tell people that I am doing this for my health and then they no longer have anything to say. I agree that most people don't know what to say or they are jealous of my discipline. Either way it is my body and my health. Compliments are welcomed, everything else PLEASE keep to yourself.
  • kje2011
    kje2011 Posts: 502 Member
    You do what you need to do!!!! other people's opinions....well, they are just opinions. It is great to get support not negativity. I am proud of you for losing the weight, Keep up the good work!
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
    I completely agree with kilkerqueen17. Don't give numbers and figures, its obvious you've lost weight at this point.

    Yes. I don't tell anyone my goal. My husband, my doctor, and my best friend know. No one else knows. It's none of their business. And when folks press, I just smile and tell them I'm not done yet. I'm good at changing the subject. If they ask me how much I've lost, I may tell them, but I'm not really even comfortable doing that depending on the person.
  • KitKate89
    KitKate89 Posts: 7
    I can understand how frustrating it is to hear something like that, but it could be (from some of them) that they're genuinely concerned. Watching someone lose a lot of weight, especially in a short period of time, is very strange. Imagine if any of your friends lost 1/3 of their body weight. No matter how much they weighed (or didn't weigh) to begin with, I'm sure you might think this is a drastic difference, and to you, they may look skinny! But everyone has their own goals, and it should always be about how you feel!
    Others may be jealous and just trying to put you down, but in that case, just smile and brush it off! You know you've come a long way, and you still have a little further to go. It's none of their business what your numbers are, or what you want them to be. Firmly tell them that it's nice that they've noticed the change, and impress that you've made a goal and you're still working towards it!
    If they keep bugging you tell them to butt out!
  • IrishHarpy1
    IrishHarpy1 Posts: 399 Member
    I've been hearing this a *lot* lately -- I don't think there has been a workday that has gone by without hearing it at least two or three times, and I have yet to find a polite way of telling people to mind their own business (It's SO very tempting to toss out "Yeah? Well, you don't have to see me naked!"). I've noticed that the ones who mention it the most often are the ones who are always "on a diet" or "watching what they eat" as they consume handfuls of junk. :/

    Add to that the family members who are afraid you're making yourself "sick" and think you need to stop... or on the flip side, a MIL who tells you not to get rid of all your old clothes because you'll need them when you gain the weight back.

    All you have to remember is that you have no one to answer to but yourself. You're doing it the right and healthy way, so just smile and move on... and let them be jealous of your progress :)
  • dutchess48
    dutchess48 Posts: 95
    I lost a lot of weight my junior year of high school and after a lifetime of being over weight I was excited. That was until I started getting compliments like "Now you look so pretty", or "now your pretty and smart". i hated all the new attention because I had suddenly lost weight. Was i somehow less important when i was big? Less beautiful? Sadly i gained all the weight back plus some. It took years and a really great supportive friend to help me get to the point where I could lose and not feel ashamed. Every time I doubt myself she sets me straight. I learned that it was the lack of confidence that kept me big. The negative people around me didn't want me to be a better them because then I might change who I am to them. You just have to eliminate the unhealthy or negative people who don't support you. For me this meant family as well, mother included. i won't eliminate them forever but at least until I learn how to form a new kind of relationship with them.

    The point is people will always have something to say. There telling you to stop losing weight is their way of telling you to stop changing who you are to them. Just like the comments I got where backhanded insults to keep me in my place. Don't let them hinder your success. Your losing the weight for you not them.
  • manorexicmarshmallow
    manorexicmarshmallow Posts: 80 Member
    I agree with a lot of what others have said. I also can think of one other reason.

    I think people who lose weight often times seem to lose it from their face first. That can cause their face to look sickly and drawn out (at least temporarily) giving the impression that they have lost more weight than they really have.

    I'm with you though, keep losing weight until your a healthy BMI. That's my plan too.
  • Expatgirl
    Expatgirl Posts: 33 Member
    According to this chart I believe you can tell them you should be at 177.

    I looked up the military age/weight/height standards. They include fitness standards for men and women according to age.
    My first goal is to be at the minimum standard for the Army. I'm not in the military nor planning to join I just found it to be a GREAT motivator for me. I want to be able to say I'm Army fit.
    http://www.military.com/Recruiting/Content/0,13898,rec_step07_hw_army,,00.html

    Smiles to you.... Keep up the positive flow
  • gracemleone
    gracemleone Posts: 65
    I get this a lot, I'm 5 1 and 130 lbs, I know I'm at a healthy weight, but that doesn't mean I'm at my ideal weight. I'm not only trying to lose 10-15 lbs, but also trying to eat as natural as possible, whole foods, raw foods, minimal fried foods, no chemicals, mostly organic etc.. I do this for general health, not just weight loss. When people see me making healthy choices they tell me to stop dieting. I just tell them I'm not on a diet, that's the way I normally eat. I'm also a pesca-vegetarian, and when people find out, the first thing they usually say is "you need to eat meat". No I don't! Obviously I have done my research and decided this is the best for me and my body. Nobody needs to tell me what I need to be doing, I don't tell anyone to stop eating meat unless they are interested, so why is it so hard to respect my decision? I totally understand your frustration.

    In your case they are probably jealous that you are able to take action and do something good for yourself while they probably haven't been able to do so.
    Or maybe they are noticing what a hottie you are and that's why they're turning into such haters. :smokin:

    And maybe some of them are really concerned.. you can just thank them for their concern, tell them you are working with a doctor/ trainer etc..

    And to the rest of the haters, you don't owe them any kind of explanation. Just tell them you are being healthy and making the right choices for yourself, that's all you need to tell them.

    By the way congratulations on your weight loss and good luck keeping it up! :)
  • kjannan
    kjannan Posts: 248 Member
    I've started losing weight in the last 4 weeks & have had people tell me I don't need to.
    That's funny because my BMI tells me I'm overweight & I'm not happy with my body so I've decided to take the bull by the horns & do something about it.

    I put it all down to jealousy, maybe because they don't have the motivation to do the same.
  • Birder150
    Birder150 Posts: 677 Member
    "You don't need to lose any more weight." means "My insecurity cannot handle your Hotness. Please do not continue to get even more hot." :bigsmile:
  • Fredrigo
    Fredrigo Posts: 134 Member
    What the average person perceive as a healthy weight has been shown to have more to do with geography than actual health knowledge. Basically people will start to think you look too skinny when you look like you weigh less than what they think an average person weighs.

    This means in communities where more people are obese people think a healthy weight is heavier (like Louisiana) and in communities where the average person is smaller (like California) they assume even some healthy weights are "fat."

    While it's reasonable to aim for a previous weight always keep in mind that our bodies continue to change as we get older including our muscle mass, bone density, and where are bodies deposit fat.

    As you get closer to your target weight start talking to your Dr about things like body fat ratios and health risks associated with abdominal circumference.

    Congratulations on your success and good luck on your continued efforts.
  • londanfudd4eva
    londanfudd4eva Posts: 138
    some people just dont know when to shut up! i know exactly what you mean because i am 5'2" and i weigh 155 -160 and wear size 10 -12 but my goal iz 135-140 or whatever makes me size 8. but i have people telling me "u are not big or why are u trying to lose or u cant lose your butt & hips" I think u should get to the size that is comfortable and aceptable to you . and no you shouldnt have to tell your current size or usual size just nicely let them know "hey i am getting to the size that I am comfortable and happy with " and if niceness doesnt work tell them whatever makes them shut up!
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