Slowly getting more angry with myself....

HI there. I totally know what you are going through. Yes there may be bumps in the road to your success, but you have to think to yourself, everyday is a new day and tomorrow I will do better. . It has happened to me before. Don't let it get you down. Think positive you are in a better spot then you were at this time last year or whenever you started. Here is my story I will share with you.
I'm 26 years old, married and have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I have always been overweight. I could attribute it to my upbringing and obesity running in my family, but I can't. Yes it ran in my family but as I got older I could've better controled what I ate, but I didn't. Needless to say I was bullied in school since I can remember. Probably 1st grade up through about 9th grade. As I got older the bullying stoped but I always wanted to be one of the more popular girls and have a real life boyfriend. I never dated or had a boyfriend and when I did find someone that liked me he was a total loser, but i didn't care I thought they liked me. Well that didn't last and school dances would come and go proms would come and go and I never had a date or anyone that wanted to take me. I had friends and was well liked. I was always the girl with a pretty face and an ugly fat body. I can't start to tell u how many times i would hear, yeah she has a pretty face, if only she would lose some weight. It still makes me tear up. I finally got out of high school not ever really having a real boyfriend and not really liking myself. It was so embaressing when I was a sophomore in high school in gym class and always being embaressed about changing out in the locker room, or when it was time to have the annual weigh in's. I was up to 220 lb by the time I was 15 or 16 years old. OMG if I thought i was overweight then, I gained more weight as I got a litle older. I went to college and got married to the first idiot that i caught his attention and I can truly say now i wasn't in love. I just liked the attention of a man, i didn't care who it was and what he looked like. It felt nice to be liked by the opposite sex. Needless to say this caused a lot of friction between me and my mom and I ended up divorcing him after 2 months of marriage because he was abusive. I went back to college and met my hubby. we got married a few months before I graduated from college. later that same year I got pregnant with Mariah my daughter and was up to 302 lbs. After having her i only dropped down to 297. So there I was at 297 for the longest time until i decided I need to change my eating habits and activity level if I wanted to be around to see my daughter grow up. I hated being nervous about going into a restaraunt and not being able to fit in the booths and having to sit at a table or be uncomfortable being squished in a booth. I was tired of not being about to get on rides at the fair or magic mountain because I was afraid the bars or restraints would not close on me or hold me. It was a terrible feeling. My hubby, thank God likes to work out and it was easy for me to work out little by little at home because I have equipment here. I started my journey in January of 2011. Yes I have had slips here and there, but if you keep your head looking forward and correct yourself that's all that matters. Don't stop believing u can do this. It didn't take me a couple of months or weeks to get this big so it's not something that is going to happen overnight or even months. it is something I have to work on everyday. I eat better and try to count calories when I can and exercise at least 3 times a week for about 30-60 minutes at a time. It is Sept 2011 and I feel great. I'm still not where I want to be but I am getting there one day at a time. I weigh 255 lbs now and trying to set a goal of losing another 20 lbs by the end of this year. If that happens I will have lost a total of 57 lbs this year!!! WE CAN DO THIS!!!!! keep at it and if you fail once just get yourself back up and keep on going. It is okay to have a cheat day or meal every once in a while. Everyone does it. If we don't we will go CRAZY!!! Moderation is KEY!!! I try to eat healthy by snacking and having quaker rice cakes that are flavored like chips flavors ex. sour cream and onion and snack on those instead of chips. Try substitutions instead of beef, eat chicken, fish or turkey. Pot beans over refried beans. Have 100 calorie snack packs available, eat more fruit, and veggies, and MFP has been a Godsend. USE It to your advantage.
Here is a good luck to you and OUR future weight loss!!! I hope if u took the time to read this, that it has helped you in some way.
Take care!
Teresa

I don't know if this'll help, but I find it usefull.

I close my eyes, relax and imagine how I am now. I notice the double chin etc. Look at it like you are looking at a photo. Then...turn it black and white and move it up into the corner of your 'screen'. In place, in colour, is you as you are going to be, feeling how you are going to be feeling, doing what you are going to be doing and wearing the clothes you want to. Study it, want it and know for certain that you are going to make it happen.

This little thing may not move mountains, but do it often enough and it will speak to you at the times when you need it to (reaching for the doughnuts!)

Bit 'new age', but try it, you won't lose anything and the relaxation may help either way.

DONT GIVE UP!!!! i went around in circles for months tryin to learn how to do it right! Id lose real good & then the next week those 4 lbs would be back! stick to it! Learn from the day, realize & identify what your feeling when you go to eat something. Are you drinking your water? Im a very bad water drinker & While doing a monthly challenge. A mini challenge is to drink 64oz+ water a day & since im the type of person to please others first or do things for others befoRE myself, i would drink the water for the points bc i didnt want to let anyone down, But in the process i have learned how good it feels to be hydrated! TOMORROW IS ALWAYS ANOTHER DAY!! lOG IT EVEN WHEN ITS BAD, YOU WILL GET WERE YOU DONT LIKE SEEING IT & YOU WILL SEE WHAT YOU R DOIN WRONG & SLOWELY CHANGE THINGS!

I have been there... Especially when the head hits the pillow. For me I am an all or nothing person, but that's exhausting in its own right. So I have some tricks that help me. I say " when" instead of if. When I lose weight, I can't wait to go buy those sz 10 jeans. Eliminate as much self talk as you can. Not working out is not an option. I don't think about it, 4 oclock comes and I go. For me making my food diary public has helped. As well as doing programs that tell me what to do, like 30 day shred or c25k. These message boards are super encouraging, seeing others succeed, I think, yeah I can do that too!!

For me there was a time when all the internal chatter quieted and I made a decision.

Don't give up! Everyone has lulls in success. It looks like you've done fantastic so far!

No one has perfect willpower. Is there a way you could make it easier for yourself? If things are going downhill throughout the day, it's probably because food and sitting around not-exercising are being waved in front of you all day. Is there any way you could remove yourself from the situations that give you trouble? The best way to exert self-control is to not have to exert it at all. For me, cafeteria food always gets me--I can't control myself in a buffet line. But if I bring lunch with me, I can skip the line altogether and not be tempted. Maybe there's something like that that could help?

Oh I forgot. One more thing. Don't focus so far in the future. If you can't see yourself thin that far ahead then focus on one day or one week at a time. Set a new goal every week. That always works wonders for me!