Is my relationship with food healthy?

My relationship with food has been one where I was not allowed to eat anything outside unless it was a special occasion. My older brother got to eat more when we had steak, or chicken and I had to limit my intake so he could eat as much as he wanted. I was always forced to eat whatever my grandma would make me for lunch and limited the amount of food I would eat. I actually wasn't hungry but grew up extremely skinny to the point the doctor told me to put on weight.

I started lifting weights in high school because I wasn't hungry to eat. I took weight gainer which was horrible but had 1500 calories in a serving. I started eating McDonald every chance I had once I had a car. I used to eat McDonald every time to try to bring back memories of happiness when my parents would take me out to eat and after they broke up, we had only had to eat whatever my grandma would cook.

The good news was lifting weights increased my confidence, I started eating more protein and gained weight. Under the surface, I was missing something.

It's been 21 years since I've been eating good food but wonder if my relationship with food is healthy. I diet hard and then go on a junk food rampage after a few weeks. I feel that I have no limit to the amount of food I can eat. Whole pizzas, trays of chicken, cookies and tons of coke. All the things I was denyed as a child, I crave the most. I just wish to get back those happy moments I had when my mom and day used to take out to eat and my mom would make us food after school or feed us. There was so much different fun things to eat.