Mean mothers.......

dutchess48 · September 2011

My mother is a really amazing mother, friend, sister, whatever to everyone but me. My whole life our relationship has been based on her disapproval of my weight. What's crazy is that when I was younger it was her responsibility as a mother to point me in the right direction. Who did the grocery shopping? She worked a lot so I was the one who mostly made the meals which means I made what was in the house. I ate what was in the cabinets. Now as an adult I still have the feeling that I am not enough, not pretty enough, smart enough, just not enough. The tension between us is overwhelming and just got to be to much. A life time of this tension along with a number of traumatic events has lead me to this point where the only way I can be healthy and sane is to be separate. So I have separated myself from my family so that I have room to grow into my own person and shrink into a size that I can love.

The point of me revealing my personal struggle is that I've seen a lot of members on this site talk about their struggles with their parents and how it's affected them. If your anything like me, i killed myself day after day trying to fix this relationship because I thought that it was my fault it was broken. It wasn't , she has her own insecurities that I have nothing to do with. Although I miss her like crazy and I miss my crazy family I'm finally to the point where I can see myself for the person i actually am and that's not just the fat daughter. My friend's tell me all the time how beautiful I am, how smart I am, what a good friend I am. I finally see what they see. I am smart which is proven by my masters degree, I am a good friend and i know that because my friends aren't the kind of people who would accept less, and lastly i am beautiful which I know because I get hit on all the time! I used to hate myself so much that I didn't even notice when a guy hit on me, now I notice and I thank them for noticing.

It's not an easy journey that were on but hopefully with each pound lost it will get easier. I know that seeing others stories helped me to not feel so alone in this struggle so If you have one lets hear it. Who knows your story may be the one to inspire someone else!

kikislove2 · September 2011

i'm sorry you went through that. i'm glad you are seeing yourself for the real you. my grandmother called me fat my entire childhood. so i know how hurtful it can be. a relationship is unhealthy and needs to be steered clear of no matter who it is, so good luck on your journey.

russelljclarke · September 2011

Blood ISN'T thicker than water, believe me. Good for you for moving on and starting to believe in yourself.

SixCatFaerie · September 2011

I grew up similar to you only from my Mom it was mental & physical abuse & my Dad it was the mental - telling me that I was fat, etc. I was a gymnast & a rock climber on top of being the biggest tom-boy ever! Still I believed everything they said. Took me years to deal with & I still have lots of problems with it. Yep, body dysmorphic disorder like crazy. When people told me I should model or I got hit on I thought they were patronizing me. (looking at pictures from back then I see now that everyone was right) Now that I actually look like I thought I did back then I'm finally realizing that I am worth love. My Dad & I have reconciled, my Mom took her own life a little over 11 years ago as of this last June. We never reconciled. Found out from an Aunt that my Mom had the same problems that I do & it drove her to act as she did. Yes, I've forgiven her & I wish I could have her back every day of my life. From the lessons I've learned from her I vow to not end up like she did. So even though she isn't here, I love her more every day.

Sorry for such a sad story, but I have learned many valuable lessons from it all & I hope that it may help someone else just as hopefully your story helps people.

kellyscomeback · September 2011

My mom gave me a horrible time about my weight until I called her on it. She's been obese since having children and one day I told her to put her money where her mouth was and she never said a thing about it again. 30 years later she is at her lowest weight in almost 25 years.

AshDHart · September 2011

My mother can't stand for me to be smaller then her. She weighs on average of 350 lbs. When I weigh close to that everything is ok. If I get over her she gets a smug look on her face. And when I get smaller? She looks like she sucked on a lemon and smelled dog *kitten*! This is only one area where she is nasty. She is a mean mother across the board.

The emotional turmoil was just too much and I have been refusing to see her since I started on my healthy changes this year. My kids are older and are making sure she doesn't find out either as they know the emotional crap she tries and pulls. Right now when she asks them if I'm still eating a ton of chocolate they just agree. Do I still weigh the same? Yes, they tell her. I send my middle one photos and she cheers me on but makes sure not to say anything to her grandmother.

You have to take care of yourself and sometimes that means removing toxic people from your life. I've lost 60 lbs so far and don't need toxicity stopping me now! Best of luck on your journey! :flowerforyou:

carlarikin · September 2011

I am sorry you had a rough past. But I'm glad that you are finding out who you are and that you are not what your mom made you feel back then. Out of every bad, comes good. Your experience has made you a stronger person.

I had a similar background as yours. I was a timid child and my family (mom and siblings) always called me fat. My dad never called me fat, but he told me a few times that I was ugly. lol! Those mean words haunted me for such a long time, but now they just made me stronger. They are more like stepping stones now. So hold your head up high, because you are fabulous and keep stomping on those stepping stones!

katemanning3 · September 2011

I was able to wear a pair of pants that my dad bought my mom when she was 28 when I was in the sixth grade... So, I know what you mean. I however am 3" taller than my mom and was the same height as her when I was in the sixth grade so weighing as much as she did in her 20's shouldn't have been a big deal but it was and I heard about it all the time. By the time I got into junior high my mom was asking me on a monthly basis if I was pregnant (which she no longer recalls and still does it.) I learned to just shrug it off and tune her out. My mom has never been a people person, she worked in a lab for 30 years and so she never thinks before she talks. She just says whatever pops in her head. It's not that she is being mean, she just has no filter. I pretty much just dont ever respond to anything that she says other than say, "yep, hmm... I guess." Once they hit a certain point, they aren't going to get any better. They become set in their ways and you have to learn to just let it ride.

mscoco10 · September 2011

I am so sorry this happen to you. Mothers are suppose to give us love and support. I thank God my mom loves and supports me no matter what. I sometimes feel like she should have kicked my butt for over eating and gaining tons of weight. Just know that you are smart, kind, beautiful, and you deserve the best. Don't let anyone including your mother stop you from being the best person you can be.

Mean mothers.......

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