New but old to the my fitness pal routine

Hello community. I’m april and I have struggled with weight since birth or maybe 7 years old lol. Either way I have always been about double what I should be or what is healthy anyway. Does anyone really know what they “Should Be?” So many people say oh you should be 110lbs at 5’2” and some say oh well you should be 130 at 5’2” so on and so on. At this point I’m just needing to be “Healthy.” I tried my fitness pal years ago and was successful at losing 30-40 lbs. my start weight was around 280. It lasted a very short time and before I knew it I was beyond 280 and at my current weight 310. So disappointed in my self. I hit 40 2 years ago and ever since then I feel the most unhealthy I have ever felt in my life. I’m literally falling apart. I have never seen a 3 at the beginning of my weight before. I swore once I did I would die or die trying. I am leaning more towards trying right now. I’m on 310 weight loss shakes for the second time hoping this time will be better. I am completely addicted to junk. No salt just sweet. Ice cream cakes donuts etc. I would rather eat that then food. I don’t like to eat honestly. It’s what I am eating that is adding up 3 times as fast then if I ate a meal. I am here if anyone wants to journey with me or help out and in turn I will help anyway I can. Thanks for listening. Good luck to all.