Self Sabotager

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Animaniac87
Animaniac87 Posts: 74
in Motivation and Support
Do you ever feel completely unlikable and that's the real reason you weigh so much? I'm afraid if I ever get "skinny" and at a weight others find attractive I will have no shield to hide behind. Now it's easy to justify people not liking me, it's because I'm fat and unattractive and mad about the fact. But am I? I'm afraid once I'm no longer fat if people don't like me, it's because I'm just an unlikable person that no one wants to be around. It's scary to be vulnerable and I know I sabotage my weight loss so I don't have to find out what kind of person I really am.

People see me as angry and blame it on my weight, but if I lose the weight what then?
I'm not attractive now because of my weight, but what if I lose the weight and am still unattractive?
I have no friends now because I use my body issues as a barrier between me and other people, what if I get a healthy weight and I still have no friends?

It's so easy to blame my problems on my weight, but what am I going to do if/when I get to a healthy weight?

Those thoughts scare me, and I know they're the reason I start to sabotage my weight loss anytime I start doing good. I blame it on other things "too busy, too tired, too hungry" but I know the real reason is I'm scared. Scared of who I am, scared of the person hiding behind all this armor of fat. Who will I be when I'm no longer the fat girl? Who will I be then?

To all of those who have completed their weight loss journey, or who have come along way; how do you face these problems? How do you get to the point where you stop being scared and just do it?

Replies

  • kymberlin
    kymberlin Posts: 113 Member
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    I have all the same fears. I have a wonderful husband who loved me even when I was 260. He keeps telling me I'm good enough for him. I say that's not a compliment. He thinks it's the best praise in the world. I had lost 60lbs and was finally out of the 200s and was so excited. I'm back up to 209lbs and it's cause of my fear of failure. Of who I will be when smaller. What if I turn into someone I dislike more. I already have self esteem problems. I was always told that if you lose weight life will be better, What if it's not???? Then it's just us, we are miserable people. That sucks. Well I have 60lbs to go and hopefully learning to like myself along the way. Just cause I'm thinner doesn't mean I'm better.
  • luv2ash
    luv2ash Posts: 1,903 Member
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    Regardless of any of these issues, you need to WANT to lose the weight to be healthy. This is why so many people who lose the weight gain it back, they forget to work on their inner self at the same time. Don't just focus on the numbers on the scale, its a makeover on the inside and the outside that you have to work on. Kind of like a house being built....it takes no time to see the bones of that house go up, and then it seems like it takes forever for the inside to be complete.....be patient with yourself. There will be weeks where you see no loss but you are working on whats on the inside.
  • carribear
    carribear Posts: 32
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    I know how you feel and I feel the same way. Your not alone here. We'll find out what we'll become when the weight gone together.
  • LillysGranny
    LillysGranny Posts: 431
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    I can tell you that being skinny isn't going to solve all of your problems. While you're working on your health and physical appearance you really need to take a long hard look at what it REALLY is that you don't like about yourself.
  • DWilbanks
    DWilbanks Posts: 420 Member
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    You will be you. You are you no matter if you are fat or thin. Right now you say you are insecure because of your weight. It's up to you to break those insecurities. Only you can make you who you want to be. Start by loving yourself, and when you find that you actually like the person you are, others will find the same
  • Dunkirk
    Dunkirk Posts: 465 Member
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    My personality is the same when I am overweight as it was when I wasn't. I'm me, no matter what happens to the "upholstery".
  • missjessica83
    missjessica83 Posts: 64
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    Hi there, i can totally relate to what you're saying ive been big and ive been skinny im somewhere in the middle right now and i have more 'issues' with myself now than when i was at my biggest!? Which just goes to show that the physical side is only 1/2 the battle. I also know that without the right state of mind i wont get back to where i want to be...if you dont like yourself you wont think you deserve to make it...then there's the fear factor. Someone told me once fear stands for false evidence appearing real...i like that :) You have to find things that work for you friends on here, maybe even a course of counselling or CBT to 'reprogramme' your negative thought patterns, positive mantras i found the paul Mckenna hypnosis cd's both the 'i can make you thin' and the confidence one - these are just a few ideas ive tried...they do help but it takes time and working on :) Good luck x
  • CherryTop
    CherryTop Posts: 41 Member
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    Wow ... your post is so real

    Your physical health is priority ! You must love yourself first ... be kind to you. Friends will come in time and since it sounds like you will be making new friends be wise in your decision pick the people who you would like to see yourself more like. My personal pick in friends is diverse and optimistic ... I try to avoid pessimists & energy suckers plus friends who do not love themselves and take care of themselves.
    Wake everyday and put your best foot forward ... your perspective friends will see your efforts.

    You are your own priority , take care of you , love you !!! Now that you are aware of your self sabotaging , STOP !!!

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