Is my mind distorted?

Hey everyone!

I figured I’d start a discussion to get some insight from fellow users.

My history with health started 6 years ago when I joined MFP to lose weight as a freshman in college. I went from 147lb to ~125lb using MFP when I was 19 years old.

Since then- I’ve been weight lifting for 5 years, almost 6. I was 135lb last year and now today I’m 148lb. Not even 2 months ago I was 142lb. My weight this past year has been slowly going up and up and it’s screwing with my mind.

I train really well, joined a gym called ATHlete where we do weight lifting/cardio/athletic performance and I eat relatively healthy. I don’t track anymore but I am mindful with my choices. For four months I macro counted and stayed around 140lb. I quit macro counting in April because of how consuming it was. I feel so distorted though.

For context- I’m 5’7. I hate seeing the scale go up- especially past my highest weight 6 years ago. In no way do I want to be 125 again, but seeing the scale tip up to 150lb scares me.

I have an athletic strong build, some pudge, but I feel like a failure. Does anyone else feel like this? I want to know if my weight and height measure up to normal. Seeing fitness influencers on social media also screws with my mind as well I guess. Since they’re my height but 15 pounds less. Something about being 10 pounds heavier in one year makes me feel sick, but I know I shouldn’t think like this. People around me say it’s muscle. Is it really? No way you can gain 10 pounds of muscle in a year. I don’t know. I guess I’m just venting.
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Replies

  • JBanx256
    JBanx256 Posts: 1,353 Member
    edited July 31
    40F here. I'm 5'4" (I SWEAR I was 5'5" earlier in my life...) and yesterday was 150.0 on the nose when I weighed in first thing in the morning. I was pushing up toward 155 but, with a beach trip on the horizon, I decided to just maintain here for the sake of pure vanity for a brief while, then will reassess. No (or VERY minimal) pudge; I'm guesstimating low/mid teens bodyfat %.

    Statistically I know I'm much stronger and carry considerably more muscle than the average female of my height/weight. My doctor has zero concerns about my weight. So yeah, I'm "heavy" but I'm certainly not fat.

    And no, unless you were taking massive doses of anabolics, you wouldn't/couldn't gain 10 lbs of muscle in a year as an intermediate (referencing your training history - you're not a newb) female.
  • KaleiAlanaSmith
    KaleiAlanaSmith Posts: 133 Member
    edited July 31
    sijomial wrote: »
    You have the gift of making choices..... quote]

    Very true! I understand your logic for sure. And mentally- I know I'm aware of making choices. This is why I did macro counting, and learned how to incorporate that lifestyle into my every day life :) However, my weight gain has been throwing me off because I feel as though I should not be this weight at my height and age.

    From another standpoint- I've hit multiple PR's, am the most muscular I've ever been, and have gotten better athletic wise. This is where my venting came from. I believe my brain is distorted to thinking I should be a certain weight, lose weight, etc. When right now, in reality, I'm doing great fitness wise.

    Although I would like to shed 5 pounds at this point. Maybe I'll get back into macro counting using this app again.

    It is all about choice- like you said!

    Side note @sijomial I responded to your comment incorrectly and cant figure out how to fix it so it doesn't look like a quote lol
  • KaleiAlanaSmith
    KaleiAlanaSmith Posts: 133 Member
    JBanx256 wrote: »
    40F here. I'm 5'4" (I SWEAR I was 5'5" earlier in my life...) and yesterday was 150.0 on the nose when I weighed in first thing in the morning. I was pushing up toward 155 but, with a beach trip on the horizon, I decided to just maintain here for the sake of pure vanity for a brief while, then will reassess. No (or VERY minimal) pudge; I'm guesstimating low/mid teens bodyfat %.

    Statistically I know I'm much stronger and carry considerably more muscle than the average female of my height/weight. My doctor has zero concerns about my weight. So yeah, I'm "heavy" but I'm certainly not fat.

    And no, unless you were taking massive doses of anabolics, you wouldn't/couldn't gain 10 lbs of muscle in a year as an intermediate (referencing your training history - you're not a newb) female.

    Thanks for sharing!!! I do think I need to actually try to work on shoving the number mentality out of my brain and worry more about my body physically. I'm the strongest I've ever been, have had a few PR's in the last couple weeks, and am doing better cardio wise than I have in a while. I guess wondering what other people's stats were would make me feel better, when I should know that being 148 is fine.
  • KaleiAlanaSmith
    KaleiAlanaSmith Posts: 133 Member
    chobambina wrote: »
    It's worth noting a lot of fitness influencers and the likes lie about their weight/measurements but also how they achieved their physiques ( use of peds, eating disorders, plastic surgery etc..).

    this! This is so true. I've unfollowed a few fitness influencers because what they posted seemed so false. I currently now only follow 3 people but still have a question mark on one of them.
  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,852 Member
    Very true! I understand your logic for sure. And mentally- I know I'm aware of making choices. This is why I did macro counting, and learned how to incorporate that lifestyle into my every day life :) However, my weight gain has been throwing me off because I feel as though I should not be this weight at my height and age.

    From another standpoint- I've hit multiple PR's, am the most muscular I've ever been, and have gotten better athletic wise. This is where my venting came from. I believe my brain is distorted to thinking I should be a certain weight, lose weight, etc. When right now, in reality, I'm doing great fitness wise.

    If it's any comfort it wasn't until middle age I came to realise that the only opinion that really mattered was my own. You are well ahead of the game in having these thoughts so young.
    Yes, as a young woman you are under more pressure "to conform" and it takes confidence or just a IDGAF what other people think attitude to make your own path. It is a happier path though.

    The flip side of choices is compromise I suppose. When I was a skinny runt trying to be a motorcycle racer I loved being faster on the bike but hated being weak and small - that was a very uncomfortable compromise. Unless you are a competive elite level athlete that compromise position is very personal.

    5'7" and 148lbs certainly doesn't sound heavy to me for someone who trains seriously but it really is your opinion that matters. Instead of certain weight numbers perhaps think of direction instead? "A few pounds more, a few pounds less or just right?"

  • eenix0
    eenix0 Posts: 8 Member
    OMG just wanted to say I feel you on the Instagram influencers. I had to completely stop with social media when it comes to fitness goals. So much of it is either lies or angles where it's real but they take a million photos to get the "perfect" one. And again...that's the ones that aren't just straight up lying. It's such a toxic cesspool of unrealistic expectations.

    It's taken me aaaaages to fully (okay...mostly) accept that due to my build, I will aaaaalways have love handle "pudge" unless I get hospitalization-level skinny (and possibly still then...), and I will never quite match the "normal" range for my height and gender due to my somewhat unusual build. (SUPER broad shoulders and hips, excellent for swimming and boxing though...)

    Sorry I have nothing more to add, definitely echo others in reminding yourself to decide what works for YOU instead of comparing to everyone else...but mostly just feel your pain! 😆
  • BecomeAnAnimal
    BecomeAnAnimal Posts: 25 Member
    At 23 (6ft) I weighed 125lb. Within a year, I had gained almost 60 lbs. Fast forward to 30, I had peaked at 235. Now, at 36, I started my weight loss when I was at 223. Based off all of the graphs, charts and calculators I need to be back down to 150 to be considered “healthy”. I’m at 190 now and figured the most I want is to be 180 (or else it would be more of a sickly look).

    Point of all of this is that every body type is different. No graph or calculator can measure it, and ultimately you know what’s right. Our bodies at 19 look and feel way different than 25 and will be way different than 30. You’re obviously killing it! Embrace the changes, and work with them.
  • littlegreenparrot1
    littlegreenparrot1 Posts: 641 Member
    It might be worth changing your frame of reference and looking at other measures apart from your weight to track your progress. Maybe even don't weigh yourself for a bit.

    Could you take your measurements? My weight has a tendency to move very slowly, but that inch off the waist doesn't just re-appear overnight.

    How about performance? Have targets to do with lifting heavier, or running faster, or whatever else it might be.

    Comparison is the thief of joy. It sounds like you have a great plan and are doing very well. The weight number on the scale is a tiny part of that picture, and does not have any bearing on your character (I know this should be obvious, but I see so many posts where people seem to think they are somehow 'bad' because of that number. Makes me want to weep)

    I decided a long time ago that I get to decide what success looks like for me, not anyone else.
    If I am healthy, well, and progressing how I want to with my training everything else is irrelevant.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,656 Member
    Social media... so glad I don't use it. These are one of the very many reasons why.
  • KaleiAlanaSmith
    KaleiAlanaSmith Posts: 133 Member
    It might be worth changing your frame of reference and looking at other measures apart from your weight to track your progress. Maybe even don't weigh yourself for a bit.

    Could you take your measurements? My weight has a tendency to move very slowly, but that inch off the waist doesn't just re-appear overnight.

    How about performance? Have targets to do with lifting heavier, or running faster, or whatever else it might be.

    Comparison is the thief of joy. It sounds like you have a great plan and are doing very well. The weight number on the scale is a tiny part of that picture, and does not have any bearing on your character (I know this should be obvious, but I see so many posts where people seem to think they are somehow 'bad' because of that number. Makes me want to weep)

    I decided a long time ago that I get to decide what success looks like for me, not anyone else.
    If I am healthy, well, and progressing how I want to with my training everything else is irrelevant.

    This is definitely something I want to work on! My mind is becoming too consumed with the scale! Because my athletic performance, strength and happiness is pretty high right now. I need to get back to measurements instead. I can tell though that I've gotten heavier because I've gone up a size in shirts and bottoms, however; I cannot tell if its muscle or fat LOL.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 25,815 Member
    chobambina wrote: »
    It's worth noting a lot of fitness influencers and the likes lie about their weight/measurements but also how they achieved their physiques ( use of peds, eating disorders, plastic surgery etc..).

    I am SO glad that I am 55 years old and did not have social media when I was growing up.

    Sure, I love the convenience of the internet, but am glad I didn't have to deal with body-image warping nonsense as a teenager.

    I read Octavia Butler's "Kindred" recently. When I read about the characters going to the library for information, I was like, "When is this set???" 1976, lol. I too was going to the library (and working at the library) in the '70s. Well, I still go to the library, but just to pick up.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 5,432 Member
    PS I guess I’m just venting, too. 😂
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 6,667 Member
    PS I guess I’m just venting, too. 😂

    That was a grest vent!

    Take some pics so we can see too. :p