Dealing with Criticism

catflynn15
catflynn15 Posts: 1 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've spent the past few months trying to lose weight. I have only lost 8 pounds, but I've been working to fix a lot of bad habits and I'm expecting now that I've adjusted those I will lose it easier. Anyway, my husband has continually made comments about my weight, my eating habits from before, and saying things like "why don't you just eat some more ____" and fills that in with some type of junk food. I'm really struggling to stay motivated and not slip back into bad habits when this happens. It makes me feel like this isn't worth it and I'll never look good again. I have no idea what to do.

Replies

  • Hiawassee88
    Hiawassee88 Posts: 35,754 Member
    edited August 2022
    Don't make me come over there. I know what to do. 😂

    However, Ninerbuff said it, beautifully. He always does.
  • JoshIsRunning
    JoshIsRunning Posts: 22 Member
    Ditto what Ninerbuff said. Do this for you and for no one else!
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,204 Member
    I agree with "do it for you" and "let it roll off". I'd add this:

    You know your husband better than we do. Why is he doing this? I absolutely understand that it's non-support to you, so not acceptable, but what's his motivation?

    Others may be right, and that his motivation is feeling down on himself because he's unable to do what you're doing. But there are other possibilities.

    Some spouses feel threatened when their partner starts trying to get healthier: They perceive it as the partner trying to be more attractive, maybe even as a start on breaking up the partnership (looking for a "better" partner.

    Some spouses are just terrible communicators, and think the person trying to lose weight is thinking their weight is a problem in the relationship, so suggesting treat foods is a bassackwards way of suggesting that they love the partner the way they are. (That's really dysfunctional, but possible.)

    Some people (including spouses) just plain don't like things to change, when they're comfortable with how things are right now. They will resist change in many forms, including a spouse changing eating or activity patterns, because it makes them uncomfortable.

    Clearly, you don't want to be waving your efforts in his face as something he, too, ought to be doing. (That's counterproductive, in most cases.) But it doesn't sound like you're doing that. So, have you tried to communicate with him, about what this means to you, how much you need his support, and about ways in which it may be a difficult situation for him?

    For some motivations (of his), you'd want to reassure him that you love him and aren't criticizing or rejecting him (if that's true). For others, you need to make clear the very specific ways in which he could support you, without necessarily revamping his habits in the same ways. There are other possibilities.

    What will be best to do - if you value the partnership - will depend on why he's doing what he's doing. You're not responsible for his feelings - not saying that - but understanding where he's coming from can help with getting to a scenario of appropriate mutual support.

  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,324 Member
    The great thing about losing weight and getting fit and strong; is that mental resolve gets strong with each little victory. You feel weak right now because you've just started your weight loss journey. Trust me, keep going .. with each pound you lose.. your husband will appear as silly as he truly is..he will be as harmless as a nat. A time will come when a mention of a Twinkie as an effort to control you will be a joke.
    A suggestion? Don't talk about your weight loss efforts with him... he most likely is thinking about himself anyway..and only pays attention to your weight loss goals because you are enthusiastic. You should be able to talk about it... but "loved ones". are often the ones who sabotage.

  • sycosimps
    sycosimps Posts: 13 Member
    Getting healthy isn't always easy and when you lack support can make it harder. I always say like the rest have... do it for you, know your making the right choice... Make it about feeling better and moving better vs weight lost.. best of luck.
  • Unknown
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  • JessiBelleW
    JessiBelleW Posts: 831 Member
    I would reply “why would you say that?” And let in hang in the air and he can splutter while he figures out an answer. I might follow up with “do you think that’s a helpful comment?” And when he’s done trying to explain that I might ask “do you not care about my happiness?”

    All in a very thoughtful tone of voice like of course it’s important that you get to the bottom of this
  • LiveOnceBeHappy
    LiveOnceBeHappy Posts: 448 Member
    Romans826 wrote: »
    Males are not real men anymore. Because seems like quite a few were not from a two parent home and did not have a role model. Do you pray together? If you do maybe you could bring it up in prayer with him. Or sit him down and talk to him and tell him how you feel when he says those things. such as, "I feel ________ when you say ________. I have learned many things. We need to vent and I understand this, Try to choose 1 close friend not on the apps and sites.
    I have learned the hard way, There are total lunatics monitoring these apps, chats, and social media!

    Speaking of lunatics...Found one.
  • Hiawassee88
    Hiawassee88 Posts: 35,754 Member
    The OP doesn't appear to be here, after this question. I hope she found her resolve and determination.

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