Anyone else feeling like they are postponing their life until weight loss?

mathsusername78
mathsusername78 Posts: 1 Member
in Motivation and Support
I turned 18 a couple months ago and I feel really down that I'm almost unable to lose my few last vanity pounds because I knew they would make a dramatic difference in my appearance. I'm 5'8 and 138 lbs which I know to others might not sound big yet I knew that if I was in the 120s range I would look so much more slimmer and appealing. I keep daydreaming of the things that I would be able to do at that weight: be able to post photos, wear tight clothes, and talk with confidence. I feel like I'm at that awkward weight right now which I've been for the past two years and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of living in a shell just because I don't have enough willpower to reach that weight. Luckily I've stuck to my plan and eating very strictly (20g carbs limit) I just want the goal to arrive faster. Anyone else can relate?

Replies

  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,282 Member
    Another no. And another vote for therapy. You're so young. You're going to look back at young you and wonder why you put the time and energy into worrying about posting photos instead of realizing what your strong healthy body can do for you. There's work to do here, but it's not losing weight.
    *more hugs*
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,616 Member

    I agree with the others.

    Your life is not a thing to put off until your fitness or weight are perfect. You are much more than your appearance.

    There will always be something to work on, and that can be a good thing, a motivation toward fitting ongoing self-improvement activity into your life in an empowering way . . . or it can be an excuse to defer maximizing your current quality of life. You deserve the current quality of life - we all do.

    Get the therapy. If you reorient your thinking now, on the cusp of full adulthood, it won't take a massive time or money investment, and it will pay off hugely for the rest of your life. Please do it.
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,538 Member
    You’re in a healthy BMI range. Something I read somewhere- perfect is the enemy of the good. Here’s a problem. You have this idea in your head that weight loss will improve the way you look. And then when you get to that “slimmer and appealing” look, there will be all kinds of benefits.

    There are some problems with your logic. Read weight loss message boards a lot and you will see them in action. The problem starts with your brain telling you that right now you are not good enough. That problem is in your head, not necessarily in reality. Read a lot of WL boards and you will find the people who started where you are now, lost the next 10 lbs but still don’t like what they see. There have been plenty of people come to this board insisting that they need the motivation lose another 5 lbs even though that takes them into an unhealthy underweight BMI. Attempts to talk folks out of that are frequently met with anger. Fact is thin as possible does not always look so good.

    So long as you are in a healthy BMI maybe consider that you would be better served by focusing on fitness. That’s overall fitness, not just hours of cardio designed to drive the number on the scale down. Actually, exercise is overrated as a weight loss strategy. But exercise does great things for our brains. Put in some cardio if you want but try resistance training. Maybe HIIT. Add some yoga or Pilates. If it’s confidence you are looking for, the gym is a good place to look. Resistance training is how I found discipline and determination. Sometimes willpower is needed, but like motivation, it is fleeting. People looking for willpower are usually looking to beat themselves up. Don’t. Try fitness and eat enough to support your plan. Be careful weighing the day after being at the gym, water retention messes with the scale and drives a lot of people crazy. Get fit and stay fit and the scale will take care of itself. Free yourself from the thin as possible but never thin enough trap.

    And find a game to play for fun, Tennis, Pickleball (its fairly easy) volleyball, basketball- something active and fun. Good luck.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,027 Member
    I hate how social media has put so much influence on APPEARANCE especially with young people. Here's the truth................no one really cares how you look. They care about how THEY LOOK. So even if you were at that "perfect" weight and size, no one really gives a damn. In fact, they may nit pick on other things like hair, skin, make up etc.
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT to ponder on small things that won't make that much of a difference in your overall life. Trying to live up to what you believe is acceptable to others isn't a great way to live. I don't give a crap about people's opinions on me. They like me fine. They don't, fine. That's their issue to deal with not me. I'm all about enjoying the things I love to do, hanging out with the people I want to be with and not worrying about the opinions of others. It's stress free and easy.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • Memoir1642
    Memoir1642 Posts: 1 Member
    Boy, are we in the same boat. I'm 5'4 and in the 130 pound range. I turned 18 less than a month ago, and I also have the same feelings about my body. Its tough. It's not easy ignoring the opinions that you and others have about yourself, it's significantly harder trying to change those opinions. I definately feel you. I'm currently in therapy, but even that's harder then it seems. It takes just as much willpower to tell yourself you're good enough that it does to restrain yourself every day. Harder, even. But from what I've heard, its worth it. I hope you find what you need.
  • wearefab
    wearefab Posts: 69 Member
    I felt this way when I was younger. I couldn't see it then but my opinion of myself was the one given to me by media.
    I worried non stop about weight and different ways to change it. All around me, the adult women were doing the same. Female family members and their friends, my friends mum's, auntie's going to weight watchers, fitness magazines, celebrity magazines, newspapers... All talking about diets,...
    I figured that if noone else had the right body, then neither did I. It was logic. The only people with correct bodies were the size 6 or under (us) models. (This was before size zero was fashionable).
    And I wasn't a model or celebrity so I must be imperfect and must strive for better.
    I was so blind to these False messages, that I wore size 10 clothes. I couldn't see that they were baggy on me and besides I wanted to hide under large clothes that didn't show me shape.
    At some point, maybe in my twenties, I reakised that I was, and always had been, a size 6!! I had just assumed I wasn't, because the messages from society told me that I wasn't good enough, and I thought good enough meant being a certain clothes size or weight
    It sounds like you are perfectly healthy. The only thing that restriction achieved when you are already healthy, is to screw up your metabolism. Which means that it will make it super easy for you to gain weight once you hit, say 32 years, and very hard to get it off
    Unfortunately you won't be able to rid yourself of the very bad messages that social media etc have given you until you do. You have body dysmorphia perhaps.
    Do you have other interests to keep you busy such as music, pets, volunteering?
    Put your focus elsewhere and come to appreciate your body (your already slim body) for the capable and strong instrument that is carrying you through life.
    I agree with people about getting mental health help, but it's equally important to STOP giving weight attention, by distracting your attention on to better things.
    You got this
  • littlegreenparrot1
    littlegreenparrot1 Posts: 702 Member
    I would like to suggest you try an experiment. Do something that you have been putting off because you feel somehow you don't deserve it until you are thinner. Wear the dress, get the nice haircut, ask the person out for a drink, whatever.
    Bet you have a great time :)

    I decided many years ago that if someone else's biggest problem was the size of my backside then good for them. I have other things to worry about. So I'm just going to crack on and do what I want, there could come a time when I can't do things any more and I don't want to be sad about missing the fun stuff because some stranger might think I look silly. Sod that.

    The people who matter don't mind, and the people that mind don't matter.

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