heeelllllpppp meeeee

Myjourneybeginshere
Myjourneybeginshere Posts: 25 Member
in Motivation and Support
Guys! Help help help
I need major motivation

Dunno what’s going on with me. 5 years stuck trying to lose weight. It’s over 7 years go that I was at a decent weight.

I’m one of those people who has tried everything

I love healthy food but I have a savoury and sweet tooth

Also I feel like I have no reason to lose weight… like what’s the point
I’m married and my hub never says anything

Although my family members have sort of pointed it out, politely…

I am about 3 and a half stones over weight
That’s 49lbs or 23kg

So yeah. It’s a lot

What’s up with me?

Anyone else gone through this?

I’m also totally stuck on what approach to take….

Do I have smoothies twice a day and a balanced evening meal?
Do I eat 3 meals but eat small and healthy (argh this is so hard)
Do I do intermittent fasting?

Do I join the gym up the road for £100 a month (I could just join for 3 months)

I love the feeling of being full and hate the feeling of being hungry

I look at Instagram and tiktok and all these weight loss journeys are amazing

Oh and I even bought the joe wicks app and haven’t even done that…..

Please, if you have anything that helped you get motivated please share it.

Thanks guys

Replies

  • Myjourneybeginshere
    Myjourneybeginshere Posts: 25 Member
    @Lietchi

    Firstly, massive congratulations on what you have achieved and the new habits you have created.

    What you say makes sense.

    I’m waiting for motivation! Lol

    Instead I need MOTION…

    The act of doing something regardless of how I feel because I know it’s good for me!

    The brushing teeth is a great analogy,

    I think I might have mild depression though.

    Because I am never wanting to get out of bed these days. Everything is sooooo hard.

    I think I do the things that I HAVE to

    Cook
    Clean
    Eat
    Work

    But then if I can do nothing I will.


    Thank you
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,532 Member
    Agree that motivation is overrated, it is fleeting. To lose a significant amount and keep it gone we can’t just work at it on the days when it feels good.

    That said, we need something to get us started. At 285 lbs, my initial motivation was fear. That doesn’t sound like you. Try this- take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. The reasons you want to lose weight on one side, the reasons you don’t on the other.Think it over for a couple of days, give it some thought. Put down everything, even if it sounds silly or frivolous. Then look at your lists and see if there are compromises you might make to satisfy both sides. Resist the temptation to try to beat the “don’t want to” side into submission. There are reasons you are going around with 50 extra lbs, something inside thinks there’s a benefit.

    If you decide you want to give weight loss a try, and think you can live with the process long term, try calorie counting. It works. There’s no special secret other than persistence. The only way to really find what works is trial and error, a slow process that drives many people crazy. Use the MFP calculators to find your number to maintain at your current weight. Then calculate your number to lose 1/2 lb per week. Can you make a plan to stay within those 2 numbers? Start a food diary and get food scale to crunch the numbers. Set up a system of regular weigh ins, same scale, same time of day, same clothes (if any) same conditions. Record the results. At the end of a month, have you lost anything? Have you kept your food diary? Have you stayed within your numbers? Don’t go to pieces if you’ve done everything right but haven’t lost. And btw “lost anything” means anything. Even .2lbs is a loss.

    The purpose of the first month is to find your number. If you aren’t losing, cut 50 calories per day and keep going. If you don’t lose at that number, cut 50 more. You will eventually find your number. When you have your number you can start the actual work of weight loss- living with it. People go all in on the deficit and try to beat themselves into living with it. Living is the thing missing form nearly every weight loss plan. I found it easier to live by planning 3 meals and 3 snacks every day. Sometimes I was hungry but not too hungry. Don’t let your brain fool you into thinking that every feeling of hunger is “starving.” I quit telling myself that. But sometimes I was “uncomfortably hungry.” This was usually after work. But instead of stopping at the office vending machines, I had to get home to my healthy snack. I found I want not so good at telling myself no, but I was pretty good at telling myself to wait for what I knew I was going to eat next.

    Sweet tooth- I lost weight because I was able to fight my sweet tooth to a draw. When I started I did this fill in the blank exercise-
    “I can see myself doing this if_________.” One answer was get a treat every day. So I researched treats. The result is that I allocate about 100-120 calories per day. About 6-7% of my target for some kind of diet friendly ice cream. If it’s a frozen plan friendly treat I’ve likely tried it. Right now I’m into basic no sugar added ice cream. I find frozen treats more satisfying. They last longer. I can scarf down 100 calories of cookies in a couple of bites. And this- give into some other treat during the day = no ice cream. Ice cream nearly always wins that one. I also find that I eat quite a bit of fruit. Before I lost weight I rarely ate fruit at all. I think it helps. When I started I was eating at least 2 apples per day. Tasty and portable.

    I haven’t exactly said so but I agee with everything @Lietchi says. My credentials- I started at 285 lbs. I weighed 174 lbs yesterday. I lost about the last 35-40 on Weight Watchers. Not a plug for them, WW is really just calorie counting dressed up for copyright protection. I made my WW goal of 184 lbs in 2006, haven’t been over 186 since then. 184 was the top of my healthy BMI range. I hang around these boards because regaining is a very big problem in WL. I need to stay focused. You can do this if you want to. Weight loss is mostly about problem solving and persistence. Good luck.

    PS- something I read somewhere- don’t let your past failures hold you back. The past does not control the future.
  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 6,826 Member
    Myjourneybeginshere wrote: »
    I’m waiting for motivation! Lol

    Instead I need MOTION…

    You can start small. Something as simple as walking around the block after dinner. Or parking further away when you do your groceries. Or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. Something small and easy , just to get your mind in the right place 🙂
    I find exercise lifts my mood, perhaps it will help you? If not, you might consider adding a doctor.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,982 Member
    Make a doable calorie deficit plan and STICK TO IT. Consistency is where people who DON'T lose weight fail. If you're consistent with something, you don't need motivation. The repetitive process is just something you do. Like brushing your teeth. You don't need to be motivated to do it.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,204 Member
    Myjourneybeginshere wrote: »
    @Lietchi

    Firstly, massive congratulations on what you have achieved and the new habits you have created.

    What you say makes sense.

    I’m waiting for motivation! Lol

    Instead I need MOTION…

    The act of doing something regardless of how I feel because I know it’s good for me!

    The brushing teeth is a great analogy,

    I think I might have mild depression though.

    Because I am never wanting to get out of bed these days. Everything is sooooo hard.

    I think I do the things that I HAVE to

    Cook
    Clean
    Eat
    Work

    But then if I can do nothing I will.


    Thank you

    Lietchi and 88olds have given wonderful advice (as they usually do).

    I'd add this: If you do as they suggest, find one pretty-simple habit to change in a positive direction, you may find that doing so give you a slightly improved sense of personal agency, even power, and starts to chip away at mild depression.

    I'm not trying to minimize. If you have serious depression, there should be no stigma in seeking expert help with that, just as we might call a plumber if the pipes get clogged. Experts exist to help us, and there are experts who help us with thought-pattern habits.

    But, if it's truly mild, making these small changes can create a gradual on-ramp to feeling more empowered, more successful, better about your prospects, better about yourself, even.

    Tiny change: Like they said, little things. If you drink sugared soda/pop or other sugary drinks, cut that down a bit and replace with water, tea, zero-calorie fizzy drinks, whatever. Or, when you shop/cook, cook a bit more veggies, and put more of them on your plate.

    For me, sometimes it even works to re-cast these things as something I HAVE to do: I can convince myself sometimes that they aren't optional, not something I make a decision about, they're something I just do without thinking about whether I deeply, seriously want to do them. Y'know, like the tooth-brushing. Or like cooking/cleaning/eating/working.

    I'm at a different spot in the process than you are (working on long-term weight maintenance/health), so the details would be different. For me, it's a strategy I use to exercise daily in Winter, when I can't do the things I find so fun I'd do them even if they weren't good for me. That exercise one might feel like a big thing to you at your getting-started point. I'm just giving it as an example of a thought process. For you, maybe you can make yourself act as if (say) drinking one less serving of soda/pop daily isn't optional, or ordering a junior cheeseburger instead of a big one is just a thing you do when getting fast food, or whatever. Something manageable.

    Since we're talking bona fides: I was overweight to class 1 obese for around 30 years. At age 59, I lost from there to a healthy weight, and have been at a healthy weight - with some ups and downs within the healthy range - for 6+ years now.

    From watching friends my age (I'm 66) who are still obese and less active, it's become increasingly clear that these changes have had a dramatic positive impact on my happiness and general quality of life. It may be less obvious to those younger, especially if surrounded by friends/family who tend to reinforce less-healthy habits. (BTW, staying active in the MFP Community can help create a more health-nurturing social environment.)

    You can do this kind of weight management and health improvement, too. Even the first month or so can cause enough improvement to make a positive feedback loop - you don't have to get all the way to perfect to see benefits. Patience and persistence are your friends.

    You may have more energy to make changes at some times, versus others, and that's OK. Pick a small change, groove it into your habits, try to hang onto it. When you have some energy in your change budget later, make another change, groove that in. Just keep going, and you'll amaze yourself at where you can end up.

    Best wishes!
  • Pdc654
    Pdc654 Posts: 317 Member
    @Myjourneybeginshere I totally understand where you are coming from. I think the mild depression you mentioned is very common with overweight people. Just the feeling of "I have too much weight to lose...how can I possibly do that...exercise hurts...I'm too old" Everyone here has given you great advice. I understand the need to get your mindset right, and yes, it is possible you might need professional help to do so. What I found helped me was realizing I was at least 100 lbs overweight and finding out my health numbers weren't good and I could not continue on the same path and live a good quality life. That was the nudge I needed to make some changes. Do the things all these wonderful experienced people have mentioned above. And to emphasize....BE CONSISTENT. You can't do this half-heartedly. It does work. I have lost 86 lbs to date. I was 68 years old when I started and will be 70 next month. You can do this!
  • Myjourneybeginshere
    Myjourneybeginshere Posts: 25 Member
    @Pdc654
    Wow! You are so inspiring. How amazing. What you have done is truly amazing.
    May you always reap rewards for your dedication and hard work.

    I’m very aware it’s part the weight but part other issues. So I’m getting some counselling to work through it all.

    I guess I need to remind myself that eating right and working out will actually help me when times feel more trying.

    So actually there is even more benefit in making changes.

    Sometimes when we feel good everything feels a bit better.

    I am fed up of waking up feeling FAT and Tired.
    I’m fed up of rolling out of bed - I’m not lying!
    I’m also fed up of sitting upright for a while each morning mustering up all the energy to just get up,
    I’m fed up of rolling around to the other side and feeling like that was a workout in itself!!
    I’m fed up of sitting around and eating and watching Tv because that’s easier.
    I’ve just become extremely down in the dumps,
    I’m not the fun person I used to be.
    And I know everyday won’t be easy, but 1 step at a time I can and will do this.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,941 Member
    Myjourneybeginshere wrote: »
    @Lietchi

    I think I might have mild depression though.

    Because I am never wanting to get out of bed these days. Everything is sooooo hard.

    Did you have any recent bloods? If not it might be time to do so. Think of iron deficiency (ferritin test), vitamins B12 (only useful if you've not taken supplements for a few months) and D, thyroid. Those all make you tired and make life super hard. They also all make you move less and eat more.
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