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Hi Rich and welcome in! Wow, you've had some hard knocks in your life and I'm sorry for that. By the way, thank you so much for being a volunteer firefighter. I totally respect the fact that you risk your life to save other people. I used to work for the Fire Department inside U.S. Steel many moons ago and totally know what they go through. I'd be summoned by walkie-talkie to bring energy drinks out to a fire scene when the fire was lasting hours and hours (there is a lot of damage done when molten steel spills) - so thank you so much for that.. and the fact that your a volunteer just drives home the fact that you have a selfless passion for helping people. That being said, let's get back to the issue that brought you here... I'm going to share my story here so you can see how bad off I was. Now, I'm off of several of my medications, my diabetes is gone, and I'm loving life. If I can do it, anyone can. If you can't walk, they have work out videos on YouTube where you can sit in a chair and do some moving around. Anyway, here's my story - sorry it's really long - I hope you don't mind reading it...I'm going to share my story and you'll understand why I had gastric sleeve surgery and post-op have turned to a modified (for bariatric protein requirements) keto diet and am using MFP religiously every day - several times a day - to keep me accountable... plus you cannot beat the supportive community - got love that! Before my surgery I was a slug. A total waste of space. To make matters worse, my husband was an enabler. I would be watching TV on the recliner, 10 feet away from the fridge, and would ask him to get me a drink and he would do it. Or, I'd be in bed and would summon him into the room to get me something on the nightstand less than 18 inches from me and he'd do it. He did ALL the cooking... ALL the cleaning...in fact, the only thing I DID do was my own laundry. I wouldn't even do his laundry. I cannot believe how lazy and selfish I was and I can't believe that he (Mark) not only tolerated it, but contributed to it. So it shocked me and him that after my surgery, I started getting back to the me I used to be 15 years ago. I clean constantly. Mark jokes that if he doesn't keep moving, I'm going to throw him in the trash. Even though we have a great dishwasher, I want to hand wash the dishes, dry them right away, and put them away. Also, I can't stand a drop of water in the sink. So, when I'm done doing the dishes and putting them away, I clean the sinks and dry them - every single time. One night the ice machine spit out one more ice cube than I wanted, so I put it on the top of the garbage disposal entry (the rubber part) to avoid water in the sink. Mark came up to me as I was sitting in the living room and said "I hate to say this, but I must warn you.... there's an ice cube in the sink and a real ball-buster is going to catch it and all heck is going to break loose" - so funny. Anyway, all of that was to set the stage for how I was and where I'm at now. Last weekend, the first thing I tackled was cleaning the master bath... wholly crud it was a mess! I came out of there telling Mark "I am a pig!" Mark was so pleased he went in there a couple of times just to look at the clean bathroom. Next, I spent hours and hours going through every single drawer, closet, master bath cabinet, shelf - well you get the idea. I went though EVERYTHING and got rid of about 20 bags of clothes for charity, most of which still had the tags on them. I had so many clothes that even after shedding that much, my closet still looks full.... and even though I told you it's been 15 years since I've cleaned anything, to drive home that point, I'll confess that I uncovered 2 Blockbuster membership cards! How embarrassing. I also went through the kitchen cupboards and got rid of an espresso machine (I can't have caffeine anymore) and literally 22 water bottles that had straws built into them (I can't drink out of straws anymore). I also got rid of a pretty nice fryer that I can't use anymore and that Mark stopped using when he bought a great fryer that is big enough to fry a turkey. I also dug out my 25 year old food processor and put it neatly on the counter and have already used it a couple of times. We already have a Kitchen Aide professional grade stand mixer and a Vitamix that I never touched before that I've also put to use. I asked Mark for a new food processor for my Anniversary present which is in October ( 20 years)… so he's on a mission going through Consumer Reports to find the best one, specifically looking for power, functionality, and ease of cleaning. That's just the way he is when he goes to purchase something, thus the quality of the appliances we have and the cars we drive. In fact, he bought me a new SUV type Subaru Outback - totally surprising me by doing it all himself and "hiding" my old car and having the Subaru delivered and put in the driveway without my knowledge, and then calling me out to the garage to unveil it. I was so shocked that I could only say over and over "You bought me a car?" - he was so moved by my reaction that he cried - and he NEVER cries...it's funny, that was my daughter-in-law's same reaction when on Christmas, we boxed and wrapped my old car keys and gave them to her. When she unwrapped them, she said those same words, jumping up and flying into my arms to give me a hug. Kind of making Mark jealous as it really was his idea to give it to her since my son bought a car with a stick shift that she doesn't know how to drive and they only had one car. I truly hope none of this comes off as bragging, I am only trying to give you an idea of my re-birth since surgery. On my birthday, along with my presents, my husband gave me a birthday card and wrote in it "I'm looking forward to having adventures with you again" - that made me cry. We used to travel a lot, anywhere from week long vacations, to long weekends away and all of that stopped when I became too big to fit into the plane seat, spilling over onto his seat. I also couldn't walk anymore for any length of time. Our last trip we took was to Niagara Falls in Canada and we went on a bus tour. It got so bad that I had to wait on the bus on quite a few occasions because I couldn't manage those big steps on and off the bus, not to mention all the walking involved. I'm crying now just thinking back to that trip. We did drive to Branson Missouri last year to meet my dad and a couple of members of my family (we usually always take a week of vacation to spend with them somewhere) - anyway, Mark checked the weight limits of several things only to find out that I was, expectedly, too big to participate in, specifically zip-lining and a helicopter tour he surprised my grandson and my niece with. Another embarrassing moment was when we went to the Dixie Stampede which has the exact same set-up as Medieval Times. My dad, trying to be protective of me and my situation, went and talked to the staff and arranged for us to take the service elevator to our level and then told them they needed to take out a chair and space the chairs father apart so I could fit comfortably, presenting me like an object the models on the Price is Right present something, saying "Look at her" - how humiliating. I was such a waste of space and was quite sure I wasn't going to live another 10 years , if that. My quality of life was ZERO. I bought some beautiful place mats and matching napkins for our dining room table - when Mark questioned that I came at him with a very good point... our current placemats and napkins were over 20 years old and completely outdated. This weekend I announced my plans to Mark. I am going to clean that deep freeze that's in the garage and put it to good use for my new way of living. Meal prep items and unstuffing our jam-packed kitchen freezer and also getting some of the items out of the fridge and into the freezer to avoid spoilage (I was surprised to find out that you can freeze almost anything, including butter, cheese, and milk)… we have a Food Saver that's collecting dust that I'm going to put to good use (which I have now completed since the writing of this post). Next, I'm going to put away the rest of my clothes that I couldn't finish last weekend, there isn't much, but I am going to finish it this weekend (which I have completed since the writing of this post). Finally, I am going to go through my hundreds of cook books and get rid of most of them. (Most of them are WW, a lot of them are Suzanne Somers and her "Somersizing" theory-based cookbooks) - that I've haven't gotten to yet, but I am going to do it - it's only 10:00 a.m. on Sunday. I used to walk, at the urging of my dietician 5 minutes a week - you read it right, 5 minutes a WEEK, not a day. Now I'm up to 45 minutes a day. I also do fully body strength training with dumbbells 3 times a week. Anyway, if you're still reading (which I doubt you are considering how long this post is) - I put all of this in writing not only as a way to "purge" as I found it very cathartic, but also to maybe motivate someone - even one person - to not give up on themselves and fall down the rabbit hole like I did. Don't let yourself get as bad off as I was. Keep moving, keep fighting, keep living.... you're worth it. I love you all - so much support here it's amazing. Thank you for letting me vent. ❤️