Mental Hurdles
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Pokemom33
Posts: 46 Member
How do you all get over the mental hurdles of loosing weight. Like I know what I have to do to shed the pounds, but mentally its like I just cant. Every few weeks I break down thinking I will start and keep it up. I get one day in and mentally I am spent. Maybe I am taking on too much at once. I dont know. I am just sick of this feeling. Alot of the people around me are just like do it, but it isnt that easy. 
I have talked to my dr about things and I have been medicated in the past for anxiety and depression, but I am trying to stay away from those things currently.
I have talked to my dr about things and I have been medicated in the past for anxiety and depression, but I am trying to stay away from those things currently. 4
Replies
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I've been on here a long time and have seen many posters that have your problem. Sometimes you have to cure the mental aspect to start losing. I advise therapy. You'll find many people on here have done it and then lost with success. Try it and see. I hate to see you just spinning your wheels.1
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snowflake954 wrote: »I've been on here a long time and have seen many posters that have your problem. Sometimes you have to cure the mental aspect to start losing. I advise therapy. You'll find many people on here have done it and then lost with success. Try it and see. I hate to see you just spinning your wheels.
Thanks for the input. I am on a waitlist for therapy. Where I live it is really hard to get. So fingers crossed it it soon, but im not holding my breath waiting.1 -
Here's hoping you get to the head of the line quickly. In the meantime, there are self-help books (other threads) and meditation or yoga can help. Just try a few things, and diet wise just make 1 small change--diet soda instead of regular, leaner meats, more vegetables, etc. That way you'll be moving in the right direction. Best of luck.2
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It sounds like you are trying to make big changes all at once. Start with just weighing and logging what you are actually eating every day, weighing yourself daily, and recording the weight every week. Sometimes just being more aware about the patterns and habits you have is a good way to stop doing the things that are the most damaging. For instance, if you are vigilant about actually weighing and recording everything you eat you will automatically cut out mindless grazing - cruising through the kitchen and sticking stuff in your mouth without thinking about it. That can add a surprising amount of calories daily. Once you’ve done this mindful eating bit for a while you can start to make small changes - you’ll see if your weight fluctuates in response to things you eat (does it suddenly increase by a pound or two when you overdo the carbohydrates and salt on a given day? then you know that this might make you retain water and hide or slow weight loss. Are you less hungry and able to stay within the calorie goals you set for yourself when you eat certain types of foods, or eat in a certain pattern? Then stick with that approach). Maybe your problem is that you are going “all in” for a short time hoping to see major changes too quickly, and you just don’t have the energy for it. Try doing a more relaxed, mindful eating approach where you are aware of the calories you consume and what effect they have on your body, and see if that fits better with your energy and mental approach to weightloss. The good news is that this slower and more mindful approach is actually the one that is supposed to be most sustainable and successful long term, because you make changes that you can live with long term.
Good luck!! It worked for me. I lost more than 40 lbs before joining MFP and another 37 since. I am now well past any goal I ever dreamed of setting and am maintaining (maybe even trying to gain back a few pounds).
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I like @Sinisterbarbie1's reply a lot (among others above, to be clear).
To me, a key to losing a meaningful total amount of weight is to focus on how to make new habits easier and pleasanter, rather than faster and more extreme. "Motivation" is not a thing I can rely on for long term success, personally.
Specific tactics - i.e., the definition of "easier and pleasanter" - is going to vary person by person, because we all have different preferences, lifestyles, strengths, limitations, etc.
Sometimes, I think we may feel as if weight loss needs to be extreme in order to be successful: As if fat were a sin, and we need to suffer to expiate it. That's not true at all. Food is tasty, manageably moving more can actually be pretty fun. This isn't some epic battle between good and evil, sin and retribution. Drama is 100% optional, and burns no extra calories.
Gradually finding, practicing and grooving in new, positive habits . . . that can be a great way to go.
Best wishes!7 -
As suggested, start a food dairy. Forget the numbers at first if you want. Just start listing what you eat and drink that has calories. Forget to do it? Go back and fill in as best you can.
If you want to stop starting over, start by not quitting. To begin with you are just trying to live your life and keep a list of what you eat and drink. When you are ready, start looking at your lists. Crunch the numbers for the stuff you eat regularly. Anything with big numbers that stands out? Anyway you can modify the higher calorie items to get the numbers down a bit?
When you’re ready to move further, calculate a calorie deficit to lose 1/2 lb per week. Then calculate the number to maintain where you are. Can you plan a menu staying between those numbers? Try that for awhile. Get food scale and use it to crunch the numbers. Use measuring cups only for liquids.
What’s the point? To have control of the process. Once you can live with the process, the rest is just adjusting the numbers. Forget about how long it will take you to get to goal. It will take exactly as long as it does. But when you get to goal weight not much it going to change so the time isn’t very important.
Know this- calorie counting works. It has to work, it’s how our bodies are designed. But weight loss has two parts- eating in a calorie deficit and living with it. Folks tend to go all in on the deficit and try to beat themselves into living with it. Generally doesn’t work. A good wight loss plan is one that we will actually follow.
Another thing to do in situations like yours is to quit kicking yourself for missteps. There are lots of ways to make mistakes in calorie counting. There’s a fairly long learning curve. Ever tried to play a musical instrument? Ever play a wrong note? Ever try basketball? Did you ever miss? Have you ever learned anything where you threw up your hands and walked away at the first mistake? That’s what people do when trying to lose weight. Over their calorie target? Call it a failure and quit. Scale ticks up for some unknown reason. Failure- quit. Weight loss is mostly about problem solving and persistence. If your plan didn’t work this week, try to make it better for next week. Make your food diary the center of your effort and you will never have to start over again. Good luck.7 -
And a PS after rereading your post.
I lost about 65 lbs on my own before getting stuck. Really stuck. A long time. In desperation I joined Weight Watchers. WW is basically calorie counting dressed up for copyright protection.
I went to the meetings. I was alarmed by how many people were returning having gained back all they had lost. Frequently with extra. They all said the same thing- “I know what I have to do.” But I started to wonder, do they really? Look at me, I lost 65 lbs, I must know something about weight loss. What?
I had to accept that what I might have learned going from 285 lbs to 220 lbs was no help getting lower. I knew nothing that would get me to even 210lbs. It became clear that in “I know what…” the “have to do” was beat myself into submission. That will not work long term. As I suggested in my other post, we need to live with the changes we make. No one is going to suffer through a plan for long. The trial and error balancing act never ends. There is always going to be tinkering and adjusting and mindfulness. That will not change at goal weight. Just how it is.
Last- try not to pay attention to what others say about what you’re doing. In fact, keep it to yourself. If they notice you working on something, the less said the better. Food diary. “Just an experiment.” Food scale? “Just something I’m messing around with.”
Keep posting here if you are working on specifics. You do not owe any explanations to family or friends. Zero. Don’t expect support and you won’t be disappointed. This is all doable and you can do it. You really can.6 -
Sorry I havent gotten back to anyone I really appreciate all the input and I will try to keep it all in mind!4
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So glad I found this group where chat is focused on dealing with the issues blocking wt loss.
Really drawn to the group wisom and practical advice so would love to join your group.
Oh how stuck I've been all year, yo - yoing within the same 4lb range.
Yes, I know what I should do yet a disconnect happens every evening, when I slip into mindlessly grazing thru the evening. Get frustrated because I feel I just need to grow the heck up and 'do it'. I won't die if I don't have that piece of bread and butter (margarine).
My food journals are good til mid afternoon, or sometimes even include dinner, then I switch to keeping track "in my head". *sigh*
Had our staff Christmas dinner last nite and no other big social events planned. I'm working thru Christmas and New years so I should be able to get thru without any huge food blow-outs.
It's cliche but "Day 1, here we go again!".
Lynn1 -
So glad I found this group where chat is focused on dealing with the issues blocking wt loss.
Really drawn to the group wisom and practical advice so would love to join your group.
Oh how stuck I've been all year, yo - yoing within the same 4lb range.
Yes, I know what I should do yet a disconnect happens every evening, when I slip into mindlessly grazing thru the evening. Get frustrated because I feel I just need to grow the heck up and 'do it'. I won't die if I don't have that piece of bread and butter (margarine).
My food journals are good til mid afternoon, or sometimes even include dinner, then I switch to keeping track "in my head". *sigh*
Had our staff Christmas dinner last nite and no other big social events planned. I'm working thru Christmas and New years so I should be able to get thru without any huge food blow-outs.
It's cliche but "Day 1, here we go again!".
Lynn
Slipping into tough love granny mode here . . . "a disconnect happens every evening" is nicely passive voice. You're deciding to slip into mindlessly grazing, y'know? That doesn't make it any easier to counter, but it's important to own that, IMO.
Sometimes - often, maybe - evening slips or cravings are about fatigue. As we tire, subconscious energy-seeking is likely to kick in. Food is energy. For obvious reasons, we're more likely to have increasing fatigue as the day goes on, peaking in the evening.
When that's true, the implication is that if there's anything you can do to counter that fatigue, odds improve of staying on track all day long. Can you improve your sleep quality/quantity? Can you reduce stress in your life (stress is fatiguing), or use non-food stress management techniques? Are you pushing yourself to exercise intensity/frequency/duration that's too extreme for your current fitness level?
Even food timing can have an effect, though the best timing is pretty individual. Myself, if I get a solid breakfast with ample protein, and spread more protein through the day, I'm less likely to have evening cravings. (Other people would reach that same point by skipping breakfast and eating a big dinner, or any of a dozen other variations, so it takes some experimenting to figure out your best routine.)
If you're over-restricting, that can also break down by evening. That could be over-restricting calories (trying to lose weight unnecessarily fast), or over-restricting food choices (out of nonessential "good food/bad food" rules).
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If you have habits that trigger evening grazing (such as TV watching), or boredom eating in the evening, then think about replacing old habits with new and more beneficial ones (usually easier to do that, vs. just ending the undesired habit cold turkey). For example, take up a new or resumed hobby as a distraction. Bonus points if the hobby requires clean hands (needlework, sketching, playing a musical instrument, etc.) or creates dirty ones (painting, carpentry, gardening, etc.).
If the root problem isn't nutrition or actual hunger (fueling need), the best solution isn't food. Experiment, analyze results, and adjust tactics.
Successful long-term weight management is a long series of problem-solving opportunities. We do experiments to see if a different tactic works, then either adopt it as a habit (because it succeeded), or learn from it and try something else (because it wasn't the right tactic for us). Look to make the process easier, not faster.4 -
I think a lot of people make this harder that it really needs to be. From my observation, this is often due to trying to do a complete 180* overnight rather than incrementally changing habits and taking the time to learn themselves and also learn more about nutrition, exercise, and health in general. To go along with this same line, people tend to have a very myopic view of "healthy" and "good nutrition" and punish themselves with bland and boring food selections or super restrictive diet protocols and on top of that further punish themselves with over the top exercise when they haven't done much moving ever or in a very long time.
Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps. Start small...just starting a diary without concern for the actual numbers is beneficial. Make small incremental goals that don't necessarily have to do with losing weight, but with health in general. As an example, when I started logging in my diary I noticed I was quite lacking in fruits and vegetables...so I made a mini goal of trying to get at least close to the RDA and with that, regular consumption of fruits and vegetables at most meals just became a thing.
I used to eat out fast food for lunch every single workday and my wife and I got take out or ate out 3-4 nights per week...so I challenged myself to brown bag my lunch more often and to cook at home for dinner more often than not. Over a bit of time, that just became the habit with the additional bonus of saving money as well. My wife and I quickly figured out that we could have a nice lunch packed by just making extra of whatever at dinner (which is what we continue to do most of the time). I allow myself one lunch out during the work week, usually on a Wednesday and instead of just mindlessly getting some fast food, I really look forward to that lunch and typically order something nicer to pick up. Over time, we have also adopted "no cook" Fridays so that's our night to get takeout or go out...or sometimes we cook if we're going to go out on a Saturday or Sunday...point is we learned to limit that while still allowing ourselves to participate in a way that we find more reasonable than "all the time" and we also look forward to it more.
I could have a laundry list of this kind of stuff, but really for me it was all about smaller goals both nutritionally and fitness wise and making those small things habits and moving on to the next goal...and really focusing on health and things that healthy people do and how healthy people live there lives rather than purely losing weight...and when I did that, the losing weight part followed pretty easily.3 -
A lot of the comments are true. Start small. Maybe change one diet habit that you have till that feels normal then start adding new changes. Going all in all at once is over whelming. Daily activities need to be slowest introduced until a new foreign activity becomes just a natural daily activity. Keep your head up and remember even a small win is still a win1
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there's changing how we eat... I like to focus on those kinds of changes as adventure, explore new2me food I enjoy that are helpful for my body... eat those...
as importantly is the mental thing. I once saw Dr Amien on a free tv show station talk about depression. that a simple little skill helps. each day, stop, make a list of 5 things you are truly grateful for. sometimes I get very basic... I am alive. too much food instead of starving, etc. He said in just a few days they noticed it could help lift depression... the key is to pause and find things you really are grateful about.
I think of encouraging ourselves as important as the weightloss... as mental strengthening. each day take a few minutes to read or do something motivational or helps us learn more, or do something that just helps emotionally.
I guess I have a 3rd thing..... each day make a mental commitment to take care of yourself by doing things that help. don't have to be perfect... just keep getting up and doing more for you... you're worth it
and you CAN. tell yourself that as often as you need to hear it... look forward to hearing your adventures 1 -
Am struggling with exhaustion from added shifts Nov thru to end of this month. Then yesterday was called in to cover another shift ( 18 yr old co-worker felt it was too cold to come in to work) .. so that'll give me a string of working 6 days. A lot of thoughts and emotions rattling around in my head but know my #1 problem is going to be Decision fatigue, and a close 2nd will be Resentment. However I believe that being aware of these and naming them will help recognize when they're fueling poorer choices and that old "what the heck" attitude I sometimes slip into.
Saw a wt drop yesterday and my goal is to not weigh more than that by Jan 1st/23.
Now time to try to get back to sleep ... not loving this middle of the nite insomnia.
Lynn1
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