Back again...oh, the shame.

When I logged into MyFitnessPal yesterday I had a notification that my account has been active for ten years. I've lost a lot of weight! ...but gained back every pound and then some. Once again I'm nearing the highest I've ever weighed and to be honest, I'm terrified.

I had to go to the ER this past weekend (pinched nerve in my neck causing my arm to go numb, needed to make sure I wasn't having a stroke or something) and though my bloodwork looked mostly fine, my fasting glucose was well into the prediabetic range. I have dealt with more than my fair share of stress this past year - my dad passed away unexpectedly, I lost my job, and I've been helping to take care of my mom who has her own myriad health issues.

When my dad passed away I completely stopped eating. I lost over 50 pounds in the span of about three months. People would tell me how good I looked, but I was crumbling. So as soon as my appetite came back, wouldn't you know that I started indulging in all of my favorite foods again. Life is short! Eat the cake - hell, eat the cake AND the ice cream AND the cookies AND... I'm sure you can imagine all of that weight came back.

I really hope it's not too late for me. Diabetes has always been one of my biggest fears after seeing family friends deal with serious complications from it, like losing limbs. I have over 100 pounds to lose and it feels like I'm standing at the bottom of Mt Everest, looking at an impossible uphill climb.

Sorry to go on and on, but I'm looking for other friends who may be in the same boat. Those of us who have quite a bit of weight to lose and need encouragement. Others who have also been here ten years and have nothing to show for it but guilt.


  • sollyn23l2
    sollyn23l2 Posts: 1,565 Member
    It's never too late until the day you die. I really wish you could change your self talk
    You have nothing to be ashamed about. Your weight on the scale is meaningless. It's simply a number showing how much gravity is working on your body. Nothing else. You've been through a lot. But you can keep going. And you can improve your food choices to improve your health. One day at a time. There is no failing, because if you eat something you didn't intend, you just pick yourself up and keep going ahead.
  • _John_
    _John_ Posts: 8,642 Member
    edited July 2023
    I was there 5 months ago right with you...

    I probably had 70ish pounds of fat (to get to roughly 15% body fat, and "healthy") I needed to lose then, and I'm over halfway home since march.

    I'm pretty much tough love on myself though...lost all mine so far lifting weights and eating about 200g protein/day and a total of roughly 2500 cals (i'm 5'10" with a heavy build from years of strength training in my past) per day while eating 40g+ of fiber per day (honestly I don't track unless I find myself hungry when I shouldn't be).

    My problem with regaining weight in my past is that I get out of the habit of strength training, go back to eating like crap, but I'm strong/athletic/young enough to still play sports, kayak, play with my kid, even when I'm morbidly obese.

  • cgcdavis7
    cgcdavis7 Posts: 85 Member
    Sending a request! I also have a ways to go after losing a ton. It sucks to start over but I'm over the pity. It just is what it is and every time I control what I eat or workout, I celebrate that victory over stagnation and laziness. I love that feeling.
  • HaleCry
    HaleCry Posts: 385 Member
    Don’t look at it as you have over 100lbs to lose, give yourself small goals. I use an app called happy scale (its free) and weigh almost daily, it’s not for everyone as some people get fixated on the numbers (I know weight fluctuates throughout the week and don’t have a break down if I’m +1lbs from yesterday).

    Happy scale gives you small milestones to work towards. Just take one day at a time. If you have a bad day, just start again fresh the next day.

    Just imagine where you’ll be 3 months from now if you start today. You’ll be a quarter way up Everest which is an achievement as it is😊
  • ddsb1111
    ddsb1111 Posts: 650 Member
    edited August 2023
    Sorry to go on and on, but I'm looking for other friends who may be in the same boat. Those of us who have quite a bit of weight to lose and need encouragement. Others who have also been here ten years and have nothing to show for it but guilt.

    I know what you’re saying and it makes sense, to a point. But, here’s a thought that might mix things up a little.

    “Surrounding yourself with people who have higher standards than you is the fastest way to change. In fact, I believe it’s the only way to truly and permanently change.” -Benjamin P. Hardy

    I’m not sure if this is thought provoking for you but it was for me. They say, the standards of your life determines the quality of your life. Set low standards for yourself, and expect to have a low-quality life, and vice versa. More than anything else, it is the people you hang around that will influence where you set that baseline standard.

    In my case, the standards set for me were at a level that never saw me improve because I was getting around with people that left me in a comfortable rut of homeostasis. I wasn’t satisfied living within those expectations so I changed my environment.

    “Your level of talent and “potential” are irrelevant if you’re surrounded by people who don’t help you realize it.” -Benjamin P. Hardy

    For reference, Benjamin Hardy is an organizational psychologist and the author of Willpower Doesn't Work and Personality Isn't Permanent. He also has some interesting YouTube videos that can help you move past the guilt and into your potential. No endorsement here and don’t know the guy. Just a free resource option if you want it.

    If you find that you keep going back to the way things were this might be something to consider? Just trying to think outside the box, it may help you alter some of the not so obvious stuff that may be happening.
  • neanderthin
    neanderthin Posts: 9,853 Member
    edited August 2023
    Yeah, you have to stay away from the cake, cookies and ice cream for anyone with Insulin resistance because that just moves it closer to diabetes and all the health problems. Also when eating a diet that's high in these foods and other UPF is mucks with our satiety hormones and it's hard to say no, and your experience of putting all the weight back over time is pretty well a given. You have to get your blood glucose under control now, and as far as diet is concerned those are carbs so you might try reducing them and consuming more protein, worked for me and it's been the therapeutic diet prescribed by most lifestyle doctors that deal with these issues. For most people and not all the desire for sweet things pretty much disappears quickly which really helps, which is the hormonal effect, much like GLP-1 medication. Of course getting proper sleep and exercise will help not only with increasing insulin sensitivity and it works very well for our psyche and of course helps reduce guilt and anxiety. Cheers.
  • shultz9
    shultz9 Posts: 6 Member
    Also coming back after 8 months. Determined to lose the weight before knee replacement surgery.