Non-Dieting roommate

victor73
victor73 Posts: 24 Member
edited October 3 in Health and Weight Loss
I've changed my lifestyle over the last couple of months and have made pretty good strides (I've lost about 40lbs in that time frame.) I've created a mini-gym in my basement with a stationary bike, weights (mostly ketllebells), and entertainment center which gives me the excuse to not sit on the couch and watch TV or play games. My kitchen has been half-stocked with healthier, less processed foods. I say half-stocked, because my roommate has the other half stocked with all the junk food I used to eat.

Just as an FYI, I'm a 37 year-old male and my roommate is a 34 year-old female. We've both been overweight (actually morbidly obese) for most of our lives, and she was actually the one that motivated me to change my lifestyle and get healthier. I figured that she would also continue with the lifestyle change, but instead, she goes on a 2 hour walk once a week (or every other week) and her diet has not changed at all. Whereas I'm now used to eating more whole foods and in moderation, she's still eating "comfort foods" every day. I've talked to her about joining this or other sites and she adamantly refuses. She says that she knows she's not eating well, but doesn't want to know what her calorie intake is because it would depress her. I've even tried getting her to exercise with me, but she always refuses.

I normally wouldn't continue to pry, but it's gotten to the point where I see the food and soda in the fridge and at times get tempted. Mostly though. when I see her eating a giant plateful of nachos for dinner or a bowl of mashed potatoes and cheese for lunch I get disgusted.

What can I do?

Replies

  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    Keep doing what you are doing, she will either join up when she is ready or stay the way she is. Nothing you can do will change that. Just be supportive if she does come for help or want to join in. It's like smoking cigarettes, you can't make someone quit, they have to want it.
  • Monica_has_a_goal
    Monica_has_a_goal Posts: 694 Member
    You're showing such great willpower! KUDOS TO YOU!

    I told my hubby if he chose to eat junk, then eat it outside where I won't be around it.. Although, that may not work in your case but you might simply ignore her when she's eating things you wouldn't eat. Go into another room until she's finished! Avoid giving her attention when she starts down a bad course. She may start to understand that it's affecting your behavior towards her, and maybe she'll be more considerate in the future.

    Hope you keep up the good work!
  • KendalBeee
    KendalBeee Posts: 2,269 Member
    You would not believe how many other people are in your same situation with their spouse, roommate, boyfriend, girlfriend, or family. All you can do is offer as much support and do your best not to give in to the tempting foods. Trying to force her to change will only make it worse for both of you.
  • sandislim
    sandislim Posts: 264
    don't get wrapped up in what other people do - it only leads to stress. Try watching someone down pizza's and still lose weight - its frustrating - my conclusion is life isn't fair (it isn't). So why worry. Concentrate on you, do what works for you and ignore everyone else. Every time you resist her tempting foods reward yourself with something non food related (I give myself money to spend on my new wardrobe when I eventually get there).

    All you need to worry about is getting healthy and staying that way. Keep it up! :)
  • unicornassassin
    unicornassassin Posts: 141 Member
    In my life, I've been on both sides. On the one side, it's hard to see people continuing to struggle when you've found a way that works well for you, on the other side, it sucks feeling like you're being nagged, and it's hard to see others achieving what you want for yourself while feeling that you're not capable of achieving it yourself.

    That said- keep up your good work. I hope that when you see her eating her unhealthy foods, you can think of how it's negatively affecting her, and think of how your food and hard work is impacting your life. I really think that leading by positive example, with your mouth shut, is the best way to motivate others.
  • meeperoon
    meeperoon Posts: 270 Member
    When she sees the change in you... trust me her ways will change or well, she may move out. But if thats the decision she takes bear in mind that you did everything you could to help but you cant change peoples lives for them, they have to do it themselves!

    Keep up your great work and attitude! :)
  • kbcara
    kbcara Posts: 105 Member
    Is this about her or you?

    If her, she has to come to conclusion in her own time - you could help along in subtle ways like putting before/after picture of yourself on fridge door to keep your own motivation going, or having shared meals from time to time prepared by you but to suit her tastes/your diet, or logging your exercise on a visible calendar etc. I know I'd love it if I lived with someone doing all of that - it would really keep me inspired/involved.

    If you:

    I totally understand that the food in the cupboard is tempting but on her plate less so [guess you're not going to just whip it off her plate!]. Why not, say that you've been there, you get she's not ready to tackle it [assuming she recognises it as a problem at all] but you'd really appreciate her support in helping you to continue tackling it, which would include either not having certain foods in the house at all [perhaps not fair as it is her home too] or at least out of sight i.e. tackle how/where stored? For example you could buy her some food storage boxes and ask her to keep your forbidden foods [nachos/chocolate in cupboard, cheese in fridge] in those so you don't see them on display every time you open a cupboard fridge.

    I know we should be able to resist but it is hard. For example I keep bread frozen so it is out of sight and then I can just defrost what I need, usually the extra effort means I don't bother.

    Good luck.
  • MSDRIZZ
    MSDRIZZ Posts: 246
    Stay strong! You are doing great! Maybe if you consider that her food is hers amd so is the bad health. If you take the food it would be like stealing. You would be stealing her food and her bad health.
  • goblue443
    goblue443 Posts: 50
    I feel for you, as I am struggling with the same thing. The worst part is that my rooommate is constantly complaining about her weight, how I've gotten "so skinny" and how we can no longer share clothes. Then when I invite her to go to the gym with me or eat something healthy, she always has an excuse. That part just purely ignores me, but doesn't affect my own journey.

    I also understand how annoying it is to have the comfort food in the house. It's so hard not to give in! What I've done, and I've found that it works about 95% of the time (everyone gives in sometimes right!?) is I wrote myself a note at a time when I was very motivated. For me, it was after a great cardio session. I had left the gym feeling so amazing and like no one could stop me. I was disgusted with myself for all of the times I gave into the bingeing. I wrote myself a note describing how motivated I felt and how important my goal was to me. I read this note when I feel like giving in to a comfort food binge or not working out. It honestly does wonders!

    Good Luck!! It sounds like you're doing so well other than the pesky roommate!
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    Go fishing.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    You cannot control what other people do, unless you are a Jedi. Are you? Are you a Jedi? Because if you are not, you just have to keep yourself on track and let the rest of the world look after itself.
  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
    Get over it or get a new roommate. Sorry.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    I advise only looking in the fridge/cupboard when you know what you want to get out of it. That way you won't have to see the food any more than that. She's not going to change so don't expect her to. =(
  • 2BeHealthy4Life
    2BeHealthy4Life Posts: 150
    Its a very common issue. This is what I do.

    1. Stay focused on your goal.
    2. I keep diet sodas in the fridge.
    3. Stop pushing your will and just lead by example. The other person may see it as nagging.
    4. Continue to be consistent.

    I wish you well on this journey.
    When you make changes that's positive in most cases you will be alone. But thanks to mfp
    you have friends from far an near that understand your journey.
  • ptprz
    ptprz Posts: 3 Member
    My specific advice is to have her to put the food you don't want to eat out of your line of sight. If you are highly suggestible, like me, this helps a great deal.
  • Bonita_Lynne_58
    Bonita_Lynne_58 Posts: 2,794 Member
    You would not believe how many other people are in your same situation with their spouse, roommate, boyfriend, girlfriend, or family. All you can do is offer as much support and do your best not to give in to the tempting foods. Trying to force her to change will only make it worse for both of you.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Get a new roommate or live with it. She's an adult. Leave her alone.
  • Bonita_Lynne_58
    Bonita_Lynne_58 Posts: 2,794 Member
    You would not believe how many other people are in your same situation with their spouse, roommate, boyfriend, girlfriend, or family. All you can do is offer as much support and do your best not to give in to the tempting foods. Trying to force her to change will only make it worse for both of you.

    Above quote by Kendallbee

    Sorry I somehow messed up when trying to post my comment.

    My husband and daughter are thin and eat constantly. Sweets and chips and things. Sometimes it's hard to watch them and hard to resist the things I really like. I keep more healthy snacks around for myself and guess what? They're grazing on those. Not a problem. I just buy more.

    Try to lead by example. Hopefully your roommate will someday get the motivation to change. If that happens you can be a great friend by being supportive of her efforts. Just realize she has to have the desire to change. You can't do it for her.

    In the meantime keep doing what you've doing. You're creating a slimmer and healthier you.
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