Don't want to step on any toes...

Schraudt814
Schraudt814 Posts: 496 Member
edited October 3 in Motivation and Support
I'm just curious how people feel about unsolicited advice. I know I personally am not a fan...but now I feel like a hypocrite...I see a few people's diaries and they're eating way less than 1200 a day, especially when I can see that they earn like 500-600 calories from exercise. It concerns me because the numbers are so low but I know I wouldn't want someone butting in. I haven't said anything, I was just curious as to others' thoughts?

Replies

  • jgic2009
    jgic2009 Posts: 531 Member
    Unless they are asking, I would not give my opinion.
  • snookumss
    snookumss Posts: 1,451 Member
    I'd rather have somebody say something (at least once) just in case I really didn't know I was hurting myself. :D
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
    Unless they are asking, I would not give my opinion.

    Ditto. They may not know their diaries are public or visible to friends.
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    I have a couple friends that do this, I don't give my opinion even though it's killing me not to, they also complain constantly how they don't lose, don't feel well, always something....one of these days I may not be able to bite my tongue any longer but for now until they ask for advice I don't give it.
  • sk2775
    sk2775 Posts: 699 Member
    I see that sometimes also...there were couple of people who were new to MFP, so I did send them a message encouraging them to at least eat up to 1200 calories a day as this will increase their metabolic rate and allow them to lose weight.
  • malloryb56
    malloryb56 Posts: 1
    I think some people are just not very honest in their diaries just because others can see if they're meeting their calorie goals. Personally, my daily goal is set to 1450, and unless I work out, I am either RIGHT at 1450 or above it, but not often more than 2000 cals. It's not recommended to eat less than 1200 calories a day, that will just slow your metabolism. But yeah, I see some people making their goals every day and I'm like...either you aren't honest or you are starving yourself haha.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    I am not a fan of it, either, but if you genuinely feel concerned for their safety, i would politely say something, maybe in a PM to them, so not to embarrass them. Its not like you are calling them out for eating buckets of candy. You are concerned they are not getting enough to eat - big difference. That unsolicited advice could help save their life. Just, be gentle.
  • auntied
    auntied Posts: 113 Member
    I have mine open to friends and I welcome anything anyone has to say. I need all the help I can get and I want this to work. I don't know that much about anything here so any help bring it on! Have a great day everyone!
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
    Unless they are asking, I would not give my opinion.
    ^^^^ Ya, this. and Ouch. lol.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    I have had people that looked at my diary and sent a note along the lines of - I don't know what your goals are right now, and I don't know if you are logging everything you eat. If you are logging everything you eat, I am concerned that you are not getting enough calories and nutrients in your diet to be healthy. If you want to chat, send me a PM.

    For me, that was perfectly fine. I had to work up to logging because something about watching the calories left drop triggers binges for me. I explained that. If someone were to send me a note based on their assumptions about what I log and started criticising it without asking what my goals are first, I may not be as happy about it!
  • mynika
    mynika Posts: 312 Member
    I think that when I add someone as my friend, I want them to be that... a friend, and there are some of my friends when I have a low calorie day, they will sweetly say "you were a little low on cals today" or something of that nature, it does help to get the advice, that is why we are here, just gently mention it once at least, because they may not know that not eating enough is hurting them and not helping them. I would gently offer my advice at least once. That's what friends are for. :flowerforyou:
  • Suzymo3
    Suzymo3 Posts: 77 Member
    I agree, I read some diaries and feel that they are just not being honest.
  • EnuffaMyButt
    EnuffaMyButt Posts: 111 Member
    Unless they ask for advise, I'd leave it alone.
  • Gigi_licious
    Gigi_licious Posts: 1,185 Member
    If it were a situation like you said, I would rather someone say something than sit back and let me harm myself. Of course, it's all about the way you say it too.
  • KeeleySue
    KeeleySue Posts: 158
    I would say something.

    Isn't that what MFP friends are for? To encourage and help us and to keep us accountable?
  • glitterpiss
    glitterpiss Posts: 113
    I don't feel like I'm in any place to give advice on weight loss because I've only lost like two pounds, but diaries are set to public for a reason. If I didn't want people commenting with advice or whatever, I would have it set to private. But I would be incredibly gentle with any advice I give, a lot of people have problems and insecurities when it comes to what they put in their bodies and how they view themselves, and I wouldn't want to make someone feel like crap and not help them.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Unsolicited advice is the fastest way to piss me off. Seriously.
  • GibsonDarlin
    GibsonDarlin Posts: 202 Member
    I'm new to MFP and so is most of my friends, I say something and give better alternatives. They may not know how to plan food to get the right nutrients. Sometimes having a check list, like 2 fruits, 3-4 vegetables, dairy, etc.. you can send a private message and explain your worries and educate them on the process and give them tips to help, after all isnt that we are here for to learn how to do it the right way!
  • lauehorn
    lauehorn Posts: 183
    I have had people that looked at my diary and sent a note along the lines of - I don't know what your goals are right now, and I don't know if you are logging everything you eat. If you are logging everything you eat, I am concerned that you are not getting enough calories and nutrients in your diet to be healthy. If you want to chat, send me a PM.

    For me, that was perfectly fine. I had to work up to logging because something about watching the calories left drop triggers binges for me. I explained that. If someone were to send me a note based on their assumptions about what I log and started criticising it without asking what my goals are first, I may not be as happy about it!

    I agree with this advice. I think it's all about approach and sincerity. Plus, why have a public diary if you aren't inviting others to look at it and possibly offer advice or ask questions?
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    It totally depends on the person recieving the advice and the way it is worded. If you're concerned, maybe send a message that says, "hey, how do you feel about checking each others' diaries? I like having that accountability and support - if you ever feel like you might need a second look at your calories I'm here for ya." ... or, just flat-out tell them what you think and if they don't like it then deal with it from there.

    Personally, I'll hear your unsolicited advice, but that doesn't mean I'll take it.
  • Pangui
    Pangui Posts: 373 Member
    I am not sure on this one. I would prefer not to get the unsolicited advice, because in my opinion, I know what I am doing. It just means that I will have to explain myself to someone who hasn't done the research I have done or read the books I have read.

    For the most part, I have been keeping my calories pretty high and losing about a pound or two a week. I hit a routine plateau after going on vacation and decided to try a specific program to kick start things. The program does not encourage calorie counting or logging, but I want to keep things going here on MFP, so I log it anyway. Well, I was shocked to see that I was getting full on 900 calories and I dreaded all the replies from my MFP buddies, but I am not here to answer to everyone else. For me, the shift really worked and I dropped 5 pounds this week. Eventually, I will go back to a slower pace, but the plan I am following now includes only high nutrient low-calorie foods. It is amazing and I am satisfied (full) with plenty of energy.

    So far, my friends have been kind enough not to butt in, but I will try to be understanding if one of them does. This is a long term permanent lifestyle change for me and I feel pretty confident about the choices I am making.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
    If you have some ability to try to help, but you dont want to for fear of upsetting the other person or whatever, then why be their "friend" here? If you can help, do so. If they don't like it, screw 'em.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
    If you have some ability to try to help, but you dont want to for fear of upsetting the other person or whatever, then why be their "friend" here? If you can help, do so. If they don't like it, screw 'em.

    Exactly.

    I will nicely give input. If they tell me not to, I won't, but until then I will. That's what friends are for.

    If they are truly offended by me being genuinely worried that they are undereating or suggesting they add some veggies, there is always the DELETE button.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    I want my friends to be open with me, and I'll be open with them. You aren't doing anyone any favors keeping it to yourself. You are enabling, if you saying something upsets them that much and they can't take advice on what they are doing wrong then it's either A. they are too thin skinned to be my friend, B. they don't want it.

    I don't want people to enable me and I will not enable them.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    If the diaries are open, I would assume they are willing to hear comments. If they didn't want comments, they can make the diary private.
  • Chai
    Chai Posts: 22
    I think everyone is different and you should do what you feel is right. It might make you lose someone on your friends list but imo its better to stay true to yourself!
  • Schraudt814
    Schraudt814 Posts: 496 Member
    Thanks so much for all the input!! I still haven't decided on a course of action...which i guess is a decision not to say anything at the moment. But I really appreciate all the responses and decisions behind those!
  • eatnbetter
    eatnbetter Posts: 105
    It doesn't bother me at all. It seems like I always get a comment or two about eating under 1200 and I don't always go that low, maybe one or two days out the week when I'm really busy and the kids have practice! So I say in my head as I"m reading: I know, yada yada yada, thanks!
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