My Sinful Confession

So. Whatcha gonna do about it? How can you handle these situations in a way that makes you feel better as opposed to guilty and shameful?

I don't think you need to tell your new group of friends about your weight loss since you feel self conscious about it....but you should remember yourself the journey you went through (and are still on) to maintain a healthy lifestyle. when we forget what it felt to be overweight...we forget about the true advantages to being healthy...and it becomes easier to pack on the pounds again.

In the past year I've lost over 50 lbs. At first I was proud of myself and bragging about it all the time. I lost ten more pounds!! A year later I find myself no longer wanting to talk about it. I get embarrassed when it is brought up with my new friends, my new men, my new co-workers. I feel horrible. I want to hang my head in shame. I feel as if I am confessing to a horrible sin. "Yes, I once slept with a married man. Yes, I've been black-out drunk. And yes, I was once fat." I don't like to admit it. I want to skim over this period in my life like it never happened. I am quick to say, "but only for a little while, I mean I was skinny for a really long time and then this thing happened andIusedfoodasacopingmechanismanditgotoutofhandandiwaslikeohineedtogetthisundercontrolandsoistartedworkingoutandwatchingwhatiateandthenilostalltheweight and now I'm skinner and healthier then I've ever been in my life," (thinking: so let's focus on that). Then I make sure not to over eat or eat anything unhealthy for a while just so they don't look at me and think "You better be careful; you don't want to get fat again."
Losing weight has been much more of an emotional journey than I ever expected.

There is strength is owning your past. You don't have to let it rule you. You don't have to let it shame you. But it is part of you. There is a cool book that talks about the idea to "not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it" - the idea being that our past can be useful, that we can make different choices, live different lives, but we don't have to completely forget where we came from. Sometimes closing off our past completely can lead to shame.

You have triumphed in your weight loss. It likely wasn't an easy journey, and like you said, it was more emotional than you ever expected. Why wouldn't you embrace that? You don't have to go into details with everyone you meet. But what does hiding your past do? What does it really achieve for you?

There is also the crucial piece of human connectedness. Do you realize how inspiring it is to hear about people losing 50 lbs? Consider that your story could affect people's lives. I'm not saying you are responsible for anyone but you. But you have achieved something many people fail at. And it's something to be proud of, and something that will inspire people. It doesn't define you. But it is an accomplishment.

I know this is all words, easy for me type. And being in social situations is a lot harder than me opining in a text editor. I don't know you, and respect whatever choices you make. Still, I hope you own your journey. You fought for it.

One thing I've told myself that's been of some use:

Anyone can gain 100 lbs.
Not just anyone can lose it.