sincere support

bry_all01
bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
edited October 2024 in Motivation and Support
In order to sincerely be able to support your friends, I feel we must know the journey they are on. Ultimately, we are all here striving towards one goal - to be healthy. Difference being, there are journeys that some are on and others are not. There are those of us here to lose weight, some to gain, some to maintain. There are those who have or have had ED's or food issues, etc.

When you comment, do you know why, or do you just do it because you see numbers go down for weigh ins? Or if the food diary is under? Do you know your friends journey to be able to support them sincerely?

I try to get to know each of my friends individual journey before I make any comments on food diaries or weight loss, etc. If I am not sure, then I just won't comment. What about you?

Replies

  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    I am with you on this. I realize that I need to be careful about encouraging people in ways that aren't helpful for their journey. If someone asks for specific help, or I know what they are trying to do, I will post a comment. Other than that, I try to be careful about what I post.
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,978 Member
    Thank you so much for your sincere support, Bry. It really means a lot to me right now, especially! :flowerforyou:
  • krash999
    krash999 Posts: 476 Member
    i sincerely like to support people, but i would fall into the catagory that just asumes that since you are here you are here to lose.... if i see a number saying lose, or under your cal goal i will post, or that you log in got so many days. other than that i will read the post to decide if i want to post something or not.... i guess i am a bad friend...
  • ShazMc73
    ShazMc73 Posts: 106 Member
    I am with you on this. I try to encourage all my friends and get the same from them, but will not comment if I see a diary chock full of junk food for the day, while under calorie goal; same with diaries that are closed - how can I give sincere kudos if I do not know the reality? Other than that, if someone gets their excercise in, loses their weight, has been sticking to it,and has an NSV, well these things motivate me to do even better and I thank of my MFP buddies for that push.
  • mandemonious
    mandemonious Posts: 217 Member
    Thanks for this post. I have a few MFPs that are struggling with ED and I see people say wtg when so and so has lost 6 lbs and it makes me want to scream. If those folks only knew what behavior they are sometimes commending. Loss is good for fat people, not for anorexics. If you have too many friends to know which ones suffer from ED (or those that revel in it...luckily I don't have any of those), then you have too many friends and may be doing more harm than good. Know your peeps and support them accordingly....
  • Crystalchaos72
    Crystalchaos72 Posts: 531
    I try my very best to know what the others person's goals are. You for instance was to gain for health, but now you are cutting to be in a fitness show. I noticed you had a huge loss in 2 weeks, but didn't comment on the second one because A) it was a huge loss and B) I am aware of your history a little so although I support you in every way, I did notice but chose not to comment( sorry). I refuse to comment on .....sorry.....every day weigh winners because I personally feel that isn't healthy, but to each their own. My list is small so I try to know peoples agenda's and go by the things they say . If I have a big loss, one of my dear friends asks me "so how do we feel about this?" Because she knows that I freak out with big losses.
    Make sense?
    Keep on rockin' Bry!! Big hugs
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    i sincerely like to support people, but i would fall into the catagory that just asumes that since you are here you are here to lose.... if i see a number saying lose, or under your cal goal i will post, or that you log in got so many days. other than that i will read the post to decide if i want to post something or not.... i guess i am a bad friend...


    You are not a bad friend. Thing is there is no ticker saying "CONGRATS, you are GAINING...." or whatever.

    The only reason I posted this was that I recently (2 weeks ago) came off of maintaining to lose a FEW pounds. Last week I had lost 4 and this week it was 3 and I got all sorts of lovely compliments like "rockstar, etc..." Um, no. Not to be rude or ungrateful or anything, but that deserved scolding, not praise. That is 7 POUNDS in a week, maybe 2 weeks. I don't know about anyone else, but to me that was kinda scary. I tweaked my numbers to slow the process down, but I guess I had thought my friends knew where I was coming from and where I was going....

    Yea, I'm a brat.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    I try my very best to know what the others person's goals are. You for instance was to gain for health, but now you are cutting to be in a fitness show. I noticed you had a huge loss in 2 weeks, but didn't comment on the second one because A) it was a huge loss and B) I am aware of your history a little so although I support you in every way, I did notice but chose not to comment( sorry). I refuse to comment on .....sorry.....every day weigh winners because I personally feel that isn't healthy, but to each their own. My list is small so I try to know peoples agenda's and go by the things they say . If I have a big loss, one of my dear friends asks me "so how do we feel about this?" Because she knows that I freak out with big losses.
    Make sense?
    Keep on rockin' Bry!! Big hugs

    I actually appreciate that you didn't. I was rather ashamed and pissed at myself for not doing such a good job of tweaking. It WAS too much weight lost so suddenly. It doesn't help that I had a touch of an ED issue and do not eat when depressed, etc...
  • Crystalchaos72
    Crystalchaos72 Posts: 531
    I also do not comment on under eaters.......some people are WTG for 900 cals or whatever,....blech!
    I give people crap or honesty.......and I am so sorry for not scolding you! Next time
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
    I tend not to comment on diaries, what kind of foods they ate, and whether they were over/below calories for this reason. It is hard to remember everyone's goals and besides who the hell am I to give advice? I'm still learning and have a lot to go. I might comment if something looks yummy, or if they gave me an idea for a meal, but that's it.

    I try to keep my encouragment for calories burned and other posts my friends make.
  • ChitownFoodie
    ChitownFoodie Posts: 1,562 Member
    I am aware of those who have ED, heart problems, diabetes or those who are just trying to get healthy. I try and tailor my responses accordingly....I have many friends, but I think I have taken an active role in understanding who each of them are....some more than others
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    I also do not comment on under eaters.......some people are WTG for 900 cals or whatever,....blech!
    I give people crap or honesty.......and I am so sorry for not scolding you! Next time

    No, no don't be. I just didn't think I should be a rockstar for it.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    I tend not to comment on diaries, what kind of foods they ate, and whether they were over/below calories for this reason. It is hard to remember everyone's goals and besides who the hell am I to give advice? I'm still learning and have a lot to go. I might comment if something looks yummy, or if they gave me an idea for a meal, but that's it.

    I try to keep my encouragment for calories burned and other posts my friends make.

    I do the same, not comment on diaries unless asked to do so, because I am clearly still learning. I can get my macros, but that's about it for now, lol. Like you, if I see something that looks good, I might say yummy steak, or whatever. haha, I do the same workouts and random posts. Safer that way. If I KNOW they are losing weight, I will say way to go, but if I'm not sure, I'm not saying anything.
  • Sarahbara76
    Sarahbara76 Posts: 601 Member
    beautiful..I think of of us just comment and don't really look, I notice those who eat very little protein and mostly junk foods but in low quantities but I don't say anything because I know these maybe personal reasons some folks really eat well and work out every single day, that's something to cheer on for sure! that takes dedication ;-)
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Reason #2334.5 I don't comment on food diaries very often. I have a disclaimer before people try to befriend me. I am only able to get close to people and understand their "journey" if they're willing to interact with me on a more personal level. I'm supportive of my friends in other ways, periodically responding to their personal posts.
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