Hope

ChristyMourning
ChristyMourning Posts: 156
edited September 19 in Motivation and Support
REALITY SETS IN.......

I realize I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I finally see it. Last night after I did so good with eating better, I went completely crazy. I ate pizza, M&M'S,Doughnuts,soda,chips until I couldnt walk! I then proceeded to "eat" when I would get up to go pee at night by grabbing a piece of pizza on the way to the bathroom. How shameful... But this is a real issue that alot face. I want to be honest now, with myself and with others in hope's that they will be able to confront there inner demons.
This morning I looked around and seen the boxes of food, some empty and some with food still inside and I looked at my 18 month old daughter and grabbed a trash bag. I threw it all away! I threw everything away except for Oatmeal, salmon fillets, broccoli,brussel sprouts,orange juice and V8......
I'm sick of this. This feeling of worthlessness. I'm not worth nothing, I'M WORTH THE WORLD! I'm tired of excuses that I have made in my life of why "I can't" do something. I was always scared of the skinny girls, What they would say or think. How others would react to my size or my life but now I realize I can't keep waiting in my house for my life to start. I'm almost 26 and I feel like I have wasted half my life being scared. In turn I think the more I ate, The more I would feel justified which made me sicker. I want to really turn my life around and maybe I'm a little crazy and alot co-dependent with my husband who has turned into a "feeder". I need to sit today and focus on what is important to me and what I want to accomplish and start to move forward with doing so....

Sorry, HAH, Long rant, I know

Replies

  • ChristyMourning
    ChristyMourning Posts: 156
    REALITY SETS IN.......

    I realize I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I finally see it. Last night after I did so good with eating better, I went completely crazy. I ate pizza, M&M'S,Doughnuts,soda,chips until I couldnt walk! I then proceeded to "eat" when I would get up to go pee at night by grabbing a piece of pizza on the way to the bathroom. How shameful... But this is a real issue that alot face. I want to be honest now, with myself and with others in hope's that they will be able to confront there inner demons.
    This morning I looked around and seen the boxes of food, some empty and some with food still inside and I looked at my 18 month old daughter and grabbed a trash bag. I threw it all away! I threw everything away except for Oatmeal, salmon fillets, broccoli,brussel sprouts,orange juice and V8......
    I'm sick of this. This feeling of worthlessness. I'm not worth nothing, I'M WORTH THE WORLD! I'm tired of excuses that I have made in my life of why "I can't" do something. I was always scared of the skinny girls, What they would say or think. How others would react to my size or my life but now I realize I can't keep waiting in my house for my life to start. I'm almost 26 and I feel like I have wasted half my life being scared. In turn I think the more I ate, The more I would feel justified which made me sicker. I want to really turn my life around and maybe I'm a little crazy and alot co-dependent with my husband who has turned into a "feeder". I need to sit today and focus on what is important to me and what I want to accomplish and start to move forward with doing so....

    Sorry, HAH, Long rant, I know
  • Shel4556
    Shel4556 Posts: 21 Member
    Not a rant...a good talk! We all need a good talk to ourselves here and there!

    Hang there...you are doing great. We all have a relapse at time but it is what you do after that counts!

    You and your baby are worth it! You are beautiful and want to get healthy.

    Remember...skinny girls are not always healthy! It is mind ..body..spirit!
  • Benson
    Benson Posts: 444
    You can do this. I didn't consider you ranting either. It takes alot of courage to overcome a food addiction. I haven't got it beat yet but I am trying. You have proven to yourself that you can do it. Your husband should get on side with you and you both really need to stop bringing the unhealthy food choices into your home. You are certainly not alone in your struggles but you have shown a determination to succeed and SUCCEED YOU WILL!! All any of us can do is try to eat healthy every day - every single day!! Lapses in judgement are bound to happen but don't let them take over. When you fall off the wagon - the wagon doesn't move it just waits there for you to hop back on.

    Take care:flowerforyou:

    Heather
  • ivykivy
    ivykivy Posts: 2,970 Member
    Look how far you have come already!!! You have worth and you deserve all the joy that this world has to offer.

    Don't worry about the skinny girls because they have there own issues. Especially if they have the nerve to say something to you about your weight- that is a character flaw. Some skinny girls would love to have the beautiful daughter of yours.

    We are all here to support one another. :drinker: :drinker: :flowerforyou:
  • indianagranny
    indianagranny Posts: 863
    You just gave yourself a good talking to and I needed to read it. I am sulking over something little and thinking of eating and eating. But I needto stick with this. Thanks for being my motivation and inspiration. You are doing great - keep up the good work.
  • ChristyMourning
    ChristyMourning Posts: 156
    YOU ARE ALL SUCH AMAZING PEOPLE! I wish I had every single one of you as family! One thing too is that the more I stress over food, Thus the more I eat! Food is supposed to be a life force, a fuel, Not a hobby. I am an addict.

    Wow.....

    You know something?

    I just got an idea! If I pack my life with the things I want to do how can I have time to binge?



    Something to think about....:flowerforyou:
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