No flirting, need free work out Apps.

tomcustombuilder wrote: »

Again, if you’re worried about being hit on don’t post a pic. If you want attention then do so and then say how you don’t want to be hit on….

The internet is a crazy place. Takes all kinds, keeps it interesting…..

I thought hard about whether to reply to this, as I don’t want to get into a debate of this kind on social media. But by being silent I’m being complicit and I think it’s important I am an ally when I can be.

I don’t expect you to change your view or even reconsider your stance on this. But for others reading this - please understand that this perpetrates victim shaming. It is very close to “it’s women’s fault if they are groped when wearing revealing dresses as they should realise it will happen”: “don’t wear skirts on the tube if you don’t want to be upskirted”: “it’s your fault for being attacked if you were drunk in public”.

This is victim shaming. It shifts the blame from the person who was attacked or violated to the perpetrator (usually but not always a man). That’s saying it’s not the perpetrator’s fault for attacking someone, raping them or - in this case - sending me crotch pics.

I’m not getting into a debate here but I have worked with women who were sexually attacked. The shame and guilt put on them by society is so wrong and I can’t just let this pass without putting my personal opinion out there’s
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I think people seem to be talking past each other.

Assaults are not acceptable. Period. "Flirting" can be inappropriate, and in my opinion this is not a place for flirting. I honestly don't understand why anyone would have any desire to flirt on an online forum where they'll never see the person. In my opinion likening flirting to assault does a disservice to those who are assaulted.

I am very sorry for anyone who has experienced inappropriate acts, whether that is assault or even unwanted flirting.

On the other side, to start out a thread like this is basically like going to a restaurant, having a waiter come up to the table and immediately saying to the waiter "please do not flirt with me, I just want to place my order." That's a bit of a strange way to start an interaction. And it is a subtle attack on that waiter.

I personally think LOL is the wrong response because there's a reason someone starts a thread like that, and it's because they were likely made uncomfortable in the past. We should try to practice empathy, and not be dismissive of people's concerns. By the way, this holds whether the action is inappropriate in the eyes of society or even if it's considered inappropriate solely in the eyes of the person the behavior is directed toward (I'm not saying the latter is the case here, just making the point).

I'm not going to comment on whether I think any of the responses are victim shaming since I think that's very much a matter of opinion and how it's delivered, which can be difficult to determine over text. But providing advice to people to avoid being subject to bad actors does not necessarily come from a place of bad intent. For example, if you go to a place that has a lot of theft or kidnapping you're well advised to not wear expensive clothing and jewelry. That does not mean the people giving advice think it's acceptable for others to steal from people who wear expensive jewelry.