So tired and mad at myself for everything and especially all the nothing

Options
bnaforeverandalways
bnaforeverandalways Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
This is my rant post, im sorry if its long (its also on my phone so im sorry for errors)

I joined mfp the first time approximately 12ish years ago. I was about 250-260 lbs. I would have a few weeks at a time that i would track and then fall off. My highest weight was 283lbs about 10 years ago. I have chronically "started" to better myself so many times these past 12 years just to literally give up for months at a time. My progress from my heaviest was 283 down to 243 and then losing and gaining the same weight So Many Times. Over the past decade when i regained and lost and regained and lost of course it changed my body shape and i lost a significant portion of breasts (froma G to a C) and my waist would shrink a wee bit and then balloon out again....

And the mental and emotional toll... I keep beating myself up. I have read and done research on calorie deficit, whole foods, limiting processed foods, strength training, cardio, etc... And i know what i need to do. And i know why i need to do it. What is my mental block that i sabatoge myself everytime i start making progress??

I have sabatoged my health in this process. I have willfully ignored my own warnings and ignored what i KNOW i should be doing/not doing. Over the past decade i have been diagnosed with type II DM, high cholesterol, hypertension, fatty liver, depression/anxiety, and had a hysterectomy due to complications from PCOS and precancerous growths and fibroids. I am on 7 daily medications, 5 of which i could come off of if i were to get ahold of myself and get healthy.

WHY am i like this to myself? WHY am i punishing my body and my health? If i know what i need to do, then why do i keep messing it up when i make progress??

My current weight is 259 lbs. I honestly dont have a specific goal weight in mind, i just would like to be healthy.

Replies

  • Adventurista
    Adventurista Posts: 477 Member
    Options
    <3
    Each day, each meal and snack is a separate day, and eating event. Yesterday, last meal is over. Look at choices in front of you and all the good things ahead.

    Explore what you like that is ok emotionally plus nourishes your body, practice that. Over and over.

    Why? Find your deep down inside reasons and hold onto them... Start choosing forward again, and joining others here :)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,579 Member
    Options
    Success is HARD to keep up and keep moving to be more successful. That means you have to exceed what you last did to feel a sense of success.
    It happens to professionals in sports. You win the championship, you have to work harder to defend it. If you're the popular person in school, you have to keep working to keep up that popularity.

    It is SO MUCH EASIER to do nothing, and not try. It's part of the reason why 70% of the USA is overweight and/or obese. Lack of effort in watching and tracking food as well as physical fitness.

    The great thing is that you HAVE A CHOICE. Got to get rid of your "Stinkin thinkin" and reprogram yourself to understand why putting in the work and effort that's so hard is so rewarding and helpful to your health.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • MargaretYakoda
    MargaretYakoda Posts: 2,566 Member
    Options
    One day at a time.
    One hour at a time.
    One minute at a time if you need to.

    Keep going. Keep moving.

    One moment at a time.
  • Christi6604
    Christi6604 Posts: 245 Member
    Options
    I think a lot of us relate to this. I feel you. I'd lost 70 lbs back in 2011 and gained it all back. Fear is what motivated me this time. I just got a NASH diagnosis and my mom died from Cirrhosis from fatty liver. I've never been able to manufacture that feeling, however.

    It was also way harder to lose with that fatty liver. I didn't realize how much harder I was making it to lose. Since I've started following a diet FOR my liver, I've started dropping weight again. I had been so discouraged because I was eating within calories but not losing. I'm also not having the insane cravings I was before. I didn't really understand that my cravings were so severe because of how I was eating related to my medical condition. It's hard.

    So, I have a couple recommendations if you are interested. If not, that's fine too. These things just helped me:
    - a dietician is super duper helpful. They are also often covered by your medical insurance. You can find one here: https://www.eatright.org/find-a-nutrition-expert A lot of them are virtual, but you have to make sure they are certified in your state.
    - If you don't want a personalized dietician, find some on tiktok. I really like KiWell Nutrition on Tiktok - they specialize on the liver.
    - HalfSizeMe podcast. They have a website and youtube channel also if you are not into podcast. They focus on slow, sustainable changes.

    I wish you the best of luck. You are not alone.
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,476 Member
    Options
    You don’t need to know why. Maybe when you get to GW you can look back and understand. From your post you seem to be around your usual WL mid point. Say you lose another 15 lbs, what happens when you hit the mid 240s? Rather than worry about why you never get lower maybe look at how you go about quitting. What do you start doing differently? What do you say to yourself?

    Weight loss is mostly about problem solving and persistence. Solve enough problems long enough and you’ll get to goal weight. I lost the the last 35 lbs of 100 by joining Weight Watchers. WW is really just calorie counting in disguise. But at the time I was desperate. 1st thing I noticed was the revolving door. I went to the meetings. Every week people were coming back having lost a lot but also gaining it back. Almost all of them said the same thing “I know what I have to do.” I started thinking- maybe not.

    Remember at this point I had lost about 65 lbs on my own. I was seriously stuck but had not gained it back. I thought surely I must know something about weight loss. Then it occurred to me that what I knew about getting from 285 lbs to 220 just wasn’t going to help me get lower. It also looked to me that the thing people knew they needed to do was beat themselves into following the most aggressive plan. Not really a good idea.

    How can you start planning now not to quit after 10 more lbs? If you find your plan isn’t working at some point work to make it better. Unfortunately really only way to fix stuff is trial and error, a slow process that makes a lot of people crazy. BTW I had to revamp my plan about 5 time to lose 100 lbs. Don’t quit. Good luck.

Categories