Storytime! Keep it going using no more than three words!

how many times

The story thus far:

[PAGE 1] This story begins when a man get his women and they finally get to wrap up warm and build snowmen. Stay clear of the killer clown because he might give you candy and want to stab you when you yell for his funny looking sidekick elephant that he looks funny. Suddenly, a blizzard comes sweeping in, destroying everything which was in its vicinity, [PAGE 2] killing the clown.

The elephant sidekick stares at you before disappearing into the dark shadows. In that instant, the sun rose shining a spotlight through the trees into a tree stump and magical mushroom. He excitedly turned neon blue. He was on crazy wild acid. Drinking water made him bored, but he just sat [PAGE 3] three times.

Meanwhile, a herd of two-headed goats came up walking, looking both directions. For some reason, despair and heartache came over them. But then a huge orangutan approached and kissed the ground in which the gooey earthworms were doing sit-ups. In her blouse that became undone were baby orangutans sucking in those frozen bananas that they found on [PAGE 4] sale at ALDI, but they were filled with poison and caused the most in sane scene they ever saw: Flashes of light coming out of a hidden camera, blinding them temporarily. But they saw the invisible portal so they immediately loved each other. One was bleeding from his ear so Bigfoot kicked and screamed like an old man [PAGE 5] which sagged like Miley Cyrus’ enormous right big toe caught the door causing him to bit his hand.

The invisible portal led to another alternate universe where his other self morphed into Batman, but a lousy morphitization turned him into a cockroach who could skateboard on a waffle that was blue. Because of blood clots, he went directly [PAGE 6] to the fridge to retrieve thirty pieces of string cheese to mold into a device aimed at his head which was growing at an alarming rate because of rate of speed of dreaded lag which caused much inner turmoil so, consequently, his head began to quadruple in size and turned into a loner [PAGE 7] which was disappointing. So he ran as fast as he could to get to the nearest train to go to the only place he could have which was clearly a very large island away from the very thing that you wanted. Feeling desperate, he grabbed his phone and quickly dialed the girl that he thought he might see in person if only she [PAGE 8] would pick up the bamboo chopsticks to interrupt them yet another time.

Suddenly, a loud kept out which sent shockwaves across the city causing everyone to panic and run for the forest of wonders to safety. Surprisingly, a little light appeared in the distance and attracted hundreds of tiny insects which formed a map to [PAGE 9] the inner sanctum. It had a peculiar smell like what my Grandma makes for lunch.

Without warning, a bulldozer appeared, enough to damage a layer of the outer facade. This caused people to ask themselves if transgendered butterflies really exist and if huge gusts of winds would carry them far away. Either way, they would always find a way home.

[PAGE 10]Rain began to fall heavily, spoiling any chance of escape before the clock struck midnight. Without any hope of relief, they suddenly found the courage to go forward into the cold, dark night, leaving behind any regrets. Planning ahead, they packed lots. Luckily, you find a treasure chest full of glowing gold coins, but [PAGE 11] a warning scroll alerted them to a cautionary tale. In the fog below sat a wise old wizard, a party hat, and the world’s tiniest natural hair duckling. “Oh my goodness,” he exclaimed as he covered himself.

In the distance, an army of seagulls nosedived into the picnic crumbs. Then, the wizard made an announcement, “Where’s my hat?” [PAGE 12] A hush fell over the crowd and all eyes turned to him.

“Here it is,” a voice cried out from a deep, dark corner. It was a tiny, little mouse. Timidly, it approached a large podium, standing on its tiptoes making this speech: I am here with your hat (stating the obvious). The crowd burst into laughter and the mouse sulked.

[PAGE 13] “Gimme my hat,” shouted the mad hatter (previously the wizard in this story). Now I have a favor to give your stepmom a container of mixed nuts and stacks of feathers. Strange combination, but the plan is to use them to construct a nest to entice away from the notorious fields of pecan trees. The wizard was furious and stamped his feet.

[PAGE 14] While freezing the hot chocolate he drank on Monday, he began to think to himself, what is the shadow behind you? Beyonce's renaissance horse! Terrified, he moved towards the light and instantly he felt the weight of a Balenciaga boot on his right foot. He screamed, “Well I oughtta….”—-except for the words wouldn’t come. His voice was squeaky like an [PAGE 15] antique wooden wagon. He had laryngitis.
The crowd then gasped for air as he collapsed, causing a domino effect that ended at the feet of the mouse.

The mouse then ran up the clock. Hickory dickory dock. Nursery rhyme turned into reality. Afterwards, the wizard defied all expectations and miraculously recovered. The mouse whispered, “Would you please [PAGE 16] take my cheese to the nearest bakery to make a toasted sandwich? Please add some of your favorite condiments and toppings with a side of lasagna. Don’t forget to turn off the alarm so the wizard can’t wake up in another time zone.”

The alarm sounded. The wizard awoke and then unleashed a herd of wild boar which [PAGE 17] instantly started to transform into something unimaginable right before their eyes. The mouse cried out, infested with bees. And a kangaroo helped by punching all the bees into next week.

The wizard jumped over 30 peasants and arrived at Bob’s Discount furniture to buy a metallic LazyBoy recliner, except there was [PAGE 18] not a discount. He complained bitterly and was banned for bad behaviour. He responded by breaking into song. His voice was that of an old frog croaking. Embarassed, he then— and you might think it strange— but he proceeded to walk a mile in shoes that were red and sparkly, far too small, ten inches tall.

The mouse was [PAGE 19] ecstatic about a revolutionary way to build a trap for the wizard and his best friend, Kevin, the talking cat. Except Kevin knew how inept the mouse was at construction and woodworking so he devised a cunning plan to trick the rodent into eating a melatonin-filled chunk of cheese. Kevin placed it above a hidden trap door.

Unknowingly, [PAGE 20] in the other barn full of farm animals and classic 80s toys, there lived a cricket named Crimilda, who controlled the rowdy farm animals— one of which of White Castle was Lord of Bob’s Discount Furniture. Back there again, stood the Wizard. He cast a spell on the mouse named Jerry. Jerry’s best friend (also a wizard), [PAGE 21] was named Willford. So called because he hailed from the land of many Fords. Will he cross them? The answer would soon be revealed.

Crimilda the Cricket chirped a warnings. All who heard the warning instantly obeyed. In case of rain, all the farm animals hid in the candy store which sold varieties of lovely rich truffles. Except one truffle [PAGE 22] which mattered because it tasted like heaven, each bite tasting better than their usual diet of meat cereal.

Suddenly, Keving appeared and confronted the barn full of noisy magical chickens. This caused them to fly away. Kevin was obviously excited about the opportunity to trick everyone into going to a timeshare. When he awoke, he realized that he just cried tears of joy in spite of his dad predicament.

[PAGE 23] Then, in the distance a loud bang, sounding like pots and pans falling onto aluminum. It startled him. His hair stood on end. Jerry was nearby, as was Tom. Tom, Kevin’s friend, a known troublemaker remembered Jerry from the circus last year, when the lions broke out [PAGE 24] and performed a Wizard of Oz singalong that inspired a national tour. It made the front page of Highlights magazine.

A trail of breadcrumbs leading to the Vegas Strip let them to the most amazing high-rise hotel which overlooked a new bakery. Breads of every variety, but no coffee, because the owner is anti-caffeine and protests [PAGE 25] growing of crops – except for grains. Grains produce alcohol and the owner is deathly allergic. Jerry the mouse lived in the bakery, unbeknownst to the baker’s germaphobic wife. Every morning he sanitized the shop to appease her.

Being so little, it went a notice until one day when he overslept. He heard screams from someone towering over his bed. It was the [PAGE 26] pest control man. Jerry scurried into the secret passage which led to a stash of rare coins piled precariously high on shelves leading to a large crash. This infuriated the half drunk pastor who was standing on top of an improvised pulpit, a display of mouse traps, and aged cheddar cheese. [PAGE 27] The kitchen table suddenly collapsed as Jerry kept off towards the owner and landed on the owner’s hat, which exploded because it was full of Pop Rocks, the strawberry candy. So the owner grabbed a broom and swung it high, almost hitting the antique chandelier. Instead, it fell onto the head of the vegan [PAGE 28] pest control man. He then burst into flames after first cursing all the little children. His own childhood was wretched except for the hours he spent beside Satan’s throne contemplating God. His philosophical thoughts led to his terrible drug habit which destroyed his melancholy. However, the silver lining was his increased ability to fully and completely understand the meaning of [PAGE 29] his dreams.

Meanwhile, the bakery owner opened his secret trap door and poked it in, the fresh baked— all the trees swaying suddenly distracted— bread. Bread began exploding before he could get to the exit. The only way he could life with himself was to jump into the brutal truth and read Toystoy. The deep work resulted in a serious migraine headache [PAGE 30] which was exasperated by the cocaine he realize he had consumed just before the explosion. A sugar shortage caused the explosion. By substituting cocaine with more cocaine, he was very stoned so he wandered off before remembering the Morning Glory muffins. He looked forward to those muffins as if they were spiked with a secret potion which magic to transform his whole [PAGE 31] life with one big, disgusting drop.

Contemplating the day, he proposed to exact revenge on his wife, Joserina. Her boyfriend, Joe, was the root cause of the sugar cane blight. Because he contaminated the entire room with a fungus, he was sent by mysterious scientist to research a new way the defects of nonsense could be utilized. He advised [PAGE 32] everyone present to substitute sugar for offhanded compliments. They gasped and held their breath, except for one who let out a loud sneeze. Someone passed them a spoonful of sugar and lemons and told them not to dare sneeze again or else all the farm animals would be sent to the bakery.

Instantly, the sneezer wept. His tears flowed [PAGE 33] flowed down his cheeks before falling into a sourdough starter. The started magically all lettuces. Lettuces in sourdough??? Remembering the recipe, the baker removed the lettuce from the concoction. He placed the dough in the secret way passed down through generations of being so tired until the clock struck midnight and the dough turned mysterious may into some form of [PAGE 34] Pillsbury Dough Boy which jumped into the box of leftovers the baker had forgotten about. Balancing precariously on his tippy toes, he reached up high above to grab his favorite colorful mixing bowl with a whisk and noticed his whisking skills had diminished since becoming the ripe age of 1 hour late for work. His boss would [PAGE 35] be disappointed. He constantly complained about crumby employees.

Being the breadwinner, he had a rising concern. Customers demanded more than twice the amount as last year which was impossible unless he hired 12 new staff. Bankruptcy loomed ahead unless he could convince Crismelda to please reconsider. If she didn’t, there wouldn’t be [PAGE 36] any doubt that he was lost. So Sebastian decided he would volunteer. Using a map to drive there, he took his cell phone charger and a camping kit. He planned to commit fully to the trip, but he felt worried about finding the truth. His dream of becoming a billionaire on the lottery made him feel [PAGE 37] a sense of depravity in realizing that the only anxious and torn ticket he had got stolen from his bag while he wasn’t looking. Then, a woman exclaimed feverishly, “I saw a bear at McDonald’s yesterday eating your backpack!” “Not my backpack! That is where I keep all my winnings!”

Dismayed, Sebastian confronted the young lady. [PAGE 38] “Where is my dang lottery ticket?” He begged her to meet him at the restaurant in secret because he was curious about how she would react when he asked her how many times have you called my agent for the opportunity to mislead me astray? “It was you! Who sent you?!” The killer man…