What should I do if I want to eat right but my parents make the meals?

chickencoocoo · September 12

They cook for 6 by the way

springlering62 · September 12

Yikes. I don’t know how old you are, so I’m coming from a mom’s point of view.

25 years ago, I had a full time job, a side hustle, a husband, two teenage girls with packed schedules who needed to be ferried around, and a pack of assorted critters. My dance card was full.

One day, my daughter announced she was vegetarian and it was my responsibility to cook vegetarian meals for her.

I had no knowledge, there was little to no internet, vegetarian cookbooks were fairly uncommon and full of ingredients I didn’t have and didn’t know how to use.

From my point of view, it was extremely stressful, confusing and a strain on the family budget. Because I knew so little, I worried about her having adequate nutrition for the sport she was involved in. It also came off very militant and holier-than-thou one person trying to control what the other three ate, and a huge drain on my already full schedule, trying to cook two different meals at a time.

From her point of view, I was inflexible, disinterested, mean, and didn’t want to help her. I was anti something she cared very much about, and she felt I was trying to control what went in her.

What would have helped would have been her researching, finding easy recipes and techniques, simply telling me “this is what I’d like to try, why don’t we try making this together, and let me help clean up the extra set of pots and dishes”. Or “I’ve spent some time reading and this is what I’ve learned I need for nutrition.”

And my goodness, an extra helping of “it’s ok if the spoon accidentally touched something or you unintentionally forgot and swapped pans for a moment” would have gone a long way instead of tears, and yelling that I was trying to undermine her.

Also, sad to say, the average person in the street has zero idea of what good nutrition is. I sure didn’t, which is how I ended up obese and malnourished in the sense of I was eating garbage.

All this to say, it’s a two way street and you catch more flies with honey. Instead of making it sound like a criticism of what your folks are doing, can you engage them in the process so it’s fun for everyone and not a nightly battle?

“Hey mom! You know I love your lasagna! Why don’t you show me how to make it and we experiment with chicken instead of sausage, or adding vegetables to the sauce?”

Or “I sure do like hummus. Can we try to make some homemade?”

I would have given my eye teeth for quality time of any sort with my girls, and what better way than sharing something that requires as much creativity as cooking?

AdahPotatah2024 · September 12

Get a job and buy your own food!🤗 I started buying my own groceries at 15 and stopped living on breakfast bars, soda and stouffers frozen dinners.

Retroguy2000 · September 12

I think a lot depends how old you are, and how out of shape you are. If you're old enough to take responsibility for yourself with shopping and cooking, then do so. You can also share most meals and substitute as needed, e.g. if they're making something that's fried, you can bake yours. If they're making corn bread which is loaded in calories, you can microwave yourself a small baked potato. If they're loading cheese on to pasta, you can choose to not do that. And so on.

If you're very out of shape, speak to them about getting support to make positive changes, and take note of springlering's comments about being supportive and reasonable. If you're in shape already then don't make more work or expense for them. Maybe become more active instead, more sports, more walking, more gym, etc.

Corina1143 · September 12

I agree with the above.
My mom didn't work outside the home. (She worked hard at home.) There came a time when I wanted to learn to cook, to explore things my mom didn't cook. She was always very accepting of anything I wanted to try. Some good things came out of it, some mistakes, lots of learning.
I remember sometimes trying just a main dish, sometimes a salad or side, and sometimes only a dessert. Of course mom appreciated it more when I made a whole meal, but that didn't always happen. She still was glad to try one of my new dishes.
My brother did the same thing, and he was always a better cook than I was.
Volunteer.

Yemelia3 · September 12

Hey there,
I am also a parent, when my kid was 14, I taught them to cook for themselves and they enjoyed it. They also went food shopping with me. Unlike me, they have never developed unhealthy eating habits. I wish I’d had the conversation with my mum when I was younger about the way we were eating - she was usually about 18stone, always on a diet and loved to make us feel better with food, and it usually wasn’t the healthy kind, but she done her best.
This is just my opinion, but my point is, we can pick up unhealthy eating habits early and as someone said above, we all have different ideas about what is healthy/unhealthy. I don’t know how old you are, but you could start by finding out what you can do for yourself, like learning to cook, eating smaller portions if that’s appropriate- cutting out unnecessary snacks, be more active etc. What are your body goals? Is there anyone you can discuss this with? Then go to your parents (if you feel appropriate) and have the conversation with them about how you feel and what you’d like to do about it. If there are 6 of you, taking some responsibility for your own actions initially, might be a big help.

springlering62 · September 12

@Yemelia3 what a great comment from a new poster! I sincerely hope you’ll stick around the boards!

xrj22 · September 14

You dont have to completely cook for yourself. Try just adding one fruit or veggie side dish that you prepare for yourself. A lettuce salad, or cut-up apple, or some steamed broccoli will add some nutrition and make it easier for you to take a smaller portion of the high-calorie main dish. Or if your mom tends to serve rice or potatoes, keep some riced cauliflowebthat you can make for yourself qiucky and substitute for these things.

Hobartlemagne · September 16

Id say- start weighing those meals, and get an idea of exactly what you're eating.
Ask for the recipes and enter them into MFP. If they're really patient with you, try to get them to measure the entire weight of a full recipe then you can divide by the portions. You'll know the right weight of one of their meals. Maybe your solution is as easy as eating 0.9 servings instead of 1.0.
Or- Maybe turn 2 servings into 3 and if its too small, add a piece of fruit or something sensible that wont overdo the calorie total.

stianjl · September 19

Tell them what you want and need, and your goal. So they know. Also, depending on your goal: eat more of the carbs if you want up, less carbs if down. Meat you should just go all-in.

What should I do if I want to eat right but my parents make the meals?

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