fat and alone

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rosebudrmr
rosebudrmr Posts: 4
in Introduce Yourself
ok, i just want to know what you all think, I graduated high school in 1999 I have not had one date in those 12 years I know that most iof it is because I dont have the self conf. to talk to a guy, but I guess they dont see past the fat... do you all feel the same?
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  • impudentputz
    impudentputz Posts: 479 Member
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    preaching to the choir....although i should have graduated in 2001...but whatever
  • RachelJE
    RachelJE Posts: 172
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    You just got to find the right guy, honey. Some of them dig chubby chicks. ;)
  • Dustymodoc
    Dustymodoc Posts: 11
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    I went to the Junior and Senior prom with my brother. That is really sad. Stay with us and you can change that title to "Healthy and dates are booked until ????
  • tssa
    tssa Posts: 93 Member
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    Ditto.
  • cloneme_losehalf
    cloneme_losehalf Posts: 356 Member
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    I can not agree it is fat. I have been 275 - 310 lbs for the past I don't know how many years. I divorced in 2002 and I have had numerous dates since and had been engaged again even. I am single now because I choose to be. I still get asked out. I just am not at a point in my life I want to bring someone else into it.
  • Kaytee233
    Kaytee233 Posts: 54 Member
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    You're not alone :)
  • Mariposa187
    Mariposa187 Posts: 344 Member
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    Not quite it for me but i can relate. I am married and have gained weight. I am not as outgoing or friendly as I was when i was skinnier. I dont have as many friends and i dont go out as much. my husband is chunky too but he has confidence and it doesn't bother him. Me on the other hand, i dont want to go out and ppl see him wit a fat girl :/

    He thinks im beautiful but i dont see it. I dont even take pics the the fanatic i once was. I am hoping confidence will come with losing weight but i am also trying to learn to love myself and be secure and build my self-esteem. There are plenty of chunky beautiful guys/gyals out there that are dating so why not you? I think weight gets in the way because we let it. Yea some buttheads might see weight first and be turned off but that does not apply to everyone

    work on it lil by lil... maybe having friends of the opposite sex or same sex and after a while gtting them to help you build your confidence? God has someone for you and you will find that special someone
  • TheDudette
    TheDudette Posts: 174
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    The only love you need in your life is love for yourself. After that everything else gets a little easier because you think you deserve a relationship, a healthy lifestyle, and anything else you may need for fulfillment in life. It took me a long time to realize that self-confidence doesn't just come from weight loss either. I went to therapy, but everyone has their own path. Instead of concentrating on what's missing maybe you should try concentrating on what you do have makes you so wonderfully you.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,708 Member
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    I know many people who are skinny and alone. As well a rich and alone. It's more about YOU the person.
  • cloneme_losehalf
    cloneme_losehalf Posts: 356 Member
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    Maybe the advice I was given will help you. I have tried to lose weight MANY of times! Could lose some here and there. Never got to where I thought I would like to be. Losing weight alone may not help with confidence. Many people still see themselves the same after weightloss. Surround yourself around positive people. Learn to love yourself NOW! You are a beautiful person. For me I could not believe those words about me. I had to search for the good. I had to fix the things I needed to make me happy with the person I am. I am going to be the same person when I reach goal. The goal was not going to change me. But now that I have learn to accept who I am, not worry about what others think about me (some people will not accept me thin either so I gotta learn its not about what others think), and put things where I am comfortable NOW I am ready to take this journey to lose weight...not for my mom, my kids, a man, society, for better looks, but because I want to improve ME. Good luck on your journey. Add me if you wish. I have a LONG way to go. This time I have the confidence, determination, and support I need to make it. I can be a shoulder to cry on, a cheer team for success, a motivation speaker when one needs a push.
  • cloneme_losehalf
    cloneme_losehalf Posts: 356 Member
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    The only love you need in your life is love for yourself. After that everything else gets a little easier because you think you deserve a relationship, a healthy lifestyle, and anything else you may need for fulfillment in life. It took me a long time to realize that self-confidence doesn't just come from weight loss either. I went to therapy, but everyone has their own path. Instead of concentrating on what's missing maybe you should try concentrating on what you do have makes you so wonderfully you.


    Well put!!! This is basically what I just said too. It is where my journey actually began!
  • LillyMosley
    LillyMosley Posts: 166
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    I know many people who are skinny and alone. As well a rich and alone. It's more about YOU the person.


    This really is THE truth. When you love yourself and stop worrying about what people say about you and brim with confidence life becomes so much easier and people will want to spend time with you. Also make sure you are doing things to meet a variety of men, sometimes it is just you are hiding yourself away and not giving yourself the chance to meet men.
  • kitkatkait
    kitkatkait Posts: 87 Member
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    In my recent experience, it isn't your size that matters as much as your own self image. If you're comfortable expressing yourself, and showing who you really are, people will be attracted to you (usually people close to your own weight, but since when was that a bad thing? Basically, I wouldn't expect a male underwear model to fall for someone because of her personality).
    Sometimes it takes weightloss for people to see the good in themselves, but the two don't necessarily go hand in hand. If you can look at yourself, find things to love, and then express them, you'll find someone who loves you for you.
  • cloneme_losehalf
    cloneme_losehalf Posts: 356 Member
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    What is the old saying..."you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself". It is VERY true. To love yourself does not mean you have to be conceited, selfish, arrogant either. I THOUGHT that was what it meant to love yourself. I by NO MEANS wanted to be ANYTHING like that!!! I learned that if far from the truth. There is a HUGE difference between confidence and conceit!
  • judykay05
    judykay05 Posts: 34
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    I hate to say this but If you haven't dated since high school, you may have more issues that just your weight. If I were you, I would go see a therapist. You are quite possibly avoiding all the happiness in your life.

    Stay on here and you will get lots of great support!
    Good luck to you!
    Judy
  • branflake5
    branflake5 Posts: 332
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    u need to gain some confidence! tons of guys like bigger women. lose weight for health and ur own happiness, but as for dating go ahead ad get out there u will meet someone amazing!
  • moraymsj
    moraymsj Posts: 9
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    I know many people who are skinny and alone. As well a rich and alone. It's more about YOU the person.


    This really is THE truth. When you love yourself and stop worrying about what people say about you and brim with confidence life becomes so much easier and people will want to spend time with you. Also make sure you are doing things to meet a variety of men, sometimes it is just you are hiding yourself away and not giving yourself the chance to meet men.

    well said
  • Hoppymom
    Hoppymom Posts: 1,158 Member
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    It's a lot about confidence. I married when I was very young and we ahve been together 35 years and got obese together. But I have one heavy friend 220+ and she has always got a guy. Sometimes even younger ones. I would rather you be alone than with someone just to have a man. You can be very lonely in a relationship, which is why I think she goes through so many men. Right time, right place, right man will happen when you put yourself out there and show people. not just men, that you are fun and cheerful and intelligent and great company. Nobody can get with you if you stay at home in your room and eat, watch tV or play the computer. My daughter is going through the dame thing. She wants to get married but she comes home from work and hides in her room and eats fast food. Same on the week-ends. I think exercise and losing even a little weight will increase your self esteem and that is when changes will start occuring. Just my opinion. I am not a counselor, just an MFP freind with some life experience.
  • minnie86
    minnie86 Posts: 187
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    :( I know what you mean. Good news, you are in control! You can make a change on the inside and the outside. The magic trick is to have patience with yourself. Don't just postpone you happiness until you reach your goal, whether it's physical or emotional. Be happy today and enjoy your journey to achive your final goal
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
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    Trust me, losing the weight won't suddenly make your world a better place. You have to find the happiness within. Once you do, someone will notice that. I know lots of thin people who are quite unhappy and haven't had a date in years. It is their personality. Don't use fat as an excuse why no one is dating you. What happens once you lose the weight and still no one is asking you out? What is the problem there?

    I have been going to therapy and other things to get a much brighter look on life because it took me far too long to realize it really was my depression and self-pity attitude that turned people off.

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