Please, tell me there is someone out there who understands?

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lisasbig30
lisasbig30 Posts: 20
in Motivation and Support
Okay...so, this is where I am at right now. I know that I have to, need to, and want to do this, but I really doubt myself. I can not tell any of you how many times I have done this or other things to lose weight. With each one I declare "this is it", but it never is, and right now I am in serious doubt that I will ever get to my goal. I'm starting to believe that I am incapable of doing this.
Then I get on here and I see the success stories. All the wonderful wonderful success stories and I think "will that ever be me?" or "wow, how did they do that?" Why does it seem that I just do not have it in me to do this?
Before I go to bed every night I say to myself "tomorrow will be a new day". Then I wake up and the good intentions go out the door. Today, for instance I ate left over chili beans w/ whole milk cheddar cheese, and crackers for breakfast and lunch. I had a Zero candy bar. I had two ice cream bars. For dinner I made fried chicken, green beans, pinto beans, mac n cheese, and biscuits. I know that I can't do this anymore but yet I still do.
I also suffer from If It's Not Perfect Quit Syndrome. One slip up will send me in to a month long binge of eating nothing but junk. I just want to know WHY?!!!!! WHY, am I like this and why can't I control it?
I know I sound like a complete cry baby but right now all I want to do is cry. I just want it to be over. Meaning, I want to be thin and never have to worry about it. Is there such a thing?
I know I'm not the only one and know you all understand but when does it change? Someone please tell me. Also, please don't say it changes when you do because I want to know when do I change? How do I change? How do I control? How do I say no? How do I lose that comfort? How do I become the better me?
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Replies

  • kmc0129
    kmc0129 Posts: 15 Member
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    You seriously just stepped inside my head for a minute there!
  • michelletr
    michelletr Posts: 236 Member
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    your not alone....i "hurt" myself this way all the time. and i HAD to change i can't keep living this way and expect to see my kids grow old. finally one day i had enough of the "ok today is the day" and i finally made it that day...haven't looked back since....it's only been 2 weeks but still,lol....it will happen for you....DON'T give up!!!!
  • Andythefitfamilyman
    Andythefitfamilyman Posts: 420
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    I'm with ya but I know sooner then latter we will achieve our goal. You may fall off the bike a million times but all that matters is getting back on
  • sonyachan
    sonyachan Posts: 518 Member
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    Been there, done that. I recommend you check out the book and cd's by Marianne Williamson called "A Course in Weight Loss." It is the key to the miracle we need!
  • MissMaryMac33
    MissMaryMac33 Posts: 1,433 Member
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    You probably odn't want to hear this... but this is called an eating disorder -- and it's extremely common.
    There are disorders other than the typical anorexia/bulimia you hear about the most... if you're not opposed to therapy you might be able to find the reason you do this and correct it. I have the same problem.
  • stef_3
    stef_3 Posts: 173
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    First off you need to get the junk and unhealthy foods out of your house so it's not so tempting. If you do things a step at a time that might help. Get the food out, get to where you can stay close to your calories, then slowly add exercising in by finding a routine that works well for you. My exercise routine is doing the 30DS while my boys nap, not ideal, but it works. Sure I would much rather nap with them, but I also want to lose weight and be healthy. You can do as little as 20 mins of exercise a day or every other day and it can be effective. I keep some frozen smart ones or lean cuisine meals in the freezer so when I think I'm starving I eat one of those to curb my appetite. Most are 300 cals or less. Good luck and stick with it this time.
  • JoDeeD
    JoDeeD Posts: 391
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    I have felt like that before. I always dieted wrong and had problems maintaining. This time it is different. I changed my attitude. I know everyday cannot be perfect, I know I will have set backs, I know that I will go forward. I am ready to lose weight that I gained 7 years ago and kept gaining. I try to everything in moderation now. I allow myself chocolate or candy in moderation 1 piece every couple of days. I recently bought a bag of spice drops (one of my favorites) and took 3 days to eat the bag. I used to eat the entire bags (sometimes 2) in one sitting. I have been craving Chicken Minis from Chick-fil-A. I think when I lose 6 more pounds I will reward myself with some. Before I started I wrote all of the reasons I need to lose weight down. If I am having a bad day I go to the list to help me through. I am doing this for myself not anyone else. I have 3 kids and a wonderful husband. I am not doing this for them.
  • lucisept61
    lucisept61 Posts: 20
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    Yup. We are at a very similar place - don't believe me? I had a hot fudge sundae for lunch after promising myself that I was going off of sweets TODAY. That said, I have lost over 20 pounds this summer, mostly because I'm being more active, I'm posting what I eat honestly (though I keep it private because I'm not here to be lectured) and I have decided that I want to eat as much like a normal person as possible (I am gluten-intolerant, so I can't be completely normal) so I HAVE to release that impulse to be PERFECT and go for normal. Normal people don't binge simply because they ate one cady bar. Try to relax. I know it's hard.
  • tgosney
    tgosney Posts: 9 Member
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    I totally have been there myself too. You need to understand that you deserve to take care of you. I know that sounds like a simple statement, but work on thinking that way. Commit yourself to you...don't worry about what the superficial marketing crap shows us that we say daily. Getting thin and staying there comes from within you...find ways to empower yourself. Find the you that you are happy with regardless of your surroundings. The hardest part in life is to be happy with the person you see in the mirror, but you deserve to love you. :-) I've been an emotional eater all my life and I am working on that for me too. I realized that running to food to squash those emotions was hurting my health. Hell, it is still a daily battle, but our individual achievements are ours solely.

    I really hope this helps you. Live, love and laugh! We all deserve it. :-)
  • alyssaVDL90
    alyssaVDL90 Posts: 18
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    I understand this completely, you are not alone.. No worries! I tried dieting about 10 times before I actually starting following through, the first few weeks are the worst.. But once you get into a habit of eating good and being active it comes as second nature. Try starting out cutting a few bad things first, and working your way up.. Otherwise give yourself a day out of the week as a "cheat day."
  • leezanicole
    leezanicole Posts: 96
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    I can't even count how many times I've said 'this is it' and then quit. But this time around I had enough and I am really trying hard. Its a struggle, but I'd rather struggle for a few months then to worry about my weight and the health problems that would follow if I kept eating the wrong things.

    Now this time around things are totally different, I'm so motivated that I wont allow myself to quit. I think everyone reaches their breaking point and realize its time for change.. you will get there. I just had enough of not feeling good about myself. Just believe and push. Sweat, tears, and pain.. its worth it in the end.

    And.. you're not alone!!
  • rltolle
    rltolle Posts: 17
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    I also have that If Its Not Perfect Quit syndrome. But now that you realize you are like that you can work through it. I have been talking myself through (if anyone was around they would think I was crazy). We are all human and we all make mistakes. I dont know about anyone else but I do know if I have to eat perfectly every meal I will never last. If I do eat something that I feel guilty about I tell myself that my very next food choice is going to be better. I no longer wait for another day because in one day you can do a whole lot of calorie damage. You can do this! And you will! Dont give up and dont beat yourself down!!!!
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    First off, welcome to MyFitnessPal. Not sure if you've been here before, or you meant you have dieted before.

    I can understand your frustration and fear. If you need to cry, go cry. No shame in that (or calories). Unfortunately, there is nothing magic I, or anyone else can say to keep you on track, making healthy decisions.

    But here is a start. Here is what I suggest you do. You have to commit to logging EVERYTHING. I don't care if you binge tomorrow morning with breakfast pie and have donuts for dinner. Log it and (optionally) keep your food diary open. Just. Make. Sure. It. Gets. Entered.

    Do that for now. Get in the habit of logging everything. If it goes in your mouth, enter it in your food diary. Do that for a week. Only that. Then start introducing other changes.

    Good luck.
  • Bonny272
    Bonny272 Posts: 154 Member
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    Wow this sounds familiar! When I was in school I cut down what I ate and exercised like mad only to kill my immune system and be sick for a year. Then I learned about calories and tried to stay at a set amount and exercise only to feel starved and give up for sure there was something wrong with me. My friends didn't seem to have a problem staying on a diet. Then I learned about net calories and accepted the fact it is not a diet it's a lifestyle and I was not going to lose weight like the people on biggest loser. I've started with the same doubts and hopes you have and I know this is something I can live with. I'm going to have to put in some serious time on the treadmill to keep up with my chocolate fits, but I am slowly learning to pay attention to how I feel before I eat and making one healthy change at a time. You can do it!
  • RLeighP
    RLeighP Posts: 232 Member
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    I was the same way. I never was able to stick with anything for more than a week or so, before I got very discouraged and gave up.

    Something clicked with me one day in April 2010, I knew that if I wanted to change my life, if I wanted to have a long and healthy life, if I didn't want to depend on medications once I got older to keep my blood pressure down, I had to do something about it. That was what it took for me, that and the knowledge that if I got my weight down I might have a chance at being a mother one day. In a little over a year I lost 115 lbs. Then got pregnant, wahoo!

    Find something that you're determined to do, a solid reason for wanting to lose weight, and focus on that. It's not an easy road. It is not an easy fix. There will be times that you slip up. That's when you should say to yourself, "Ooops, I messed up one meal. I'll do better at lunch/dinner." One slip up does NOT ruin what progress you have made, and you have to get out of that mindset. You have to remind yourself, this is not a diet. It is a mindset. You have to change the way you think about food, about health, about fitness. It is completely possible to do.

    At my highest weight, when I was so discouraged and depressed, I thought there was no option other than being obese for the rest of my life. That was not true, and I'm glad I didn't give up. Like I said, it's a long road, and it's hard at times. But it's so rewarding when you realize how healthy you are, how much better you feel.

    Good luck, and feel free to friend me on here. I'm taking a slight break, as I'm about a month from having my little girl, but I'll be back full force as soon as I can!
  • alyssaVDL90
    alyssaVDL90 Posts: 18
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    Also! Try doing it with a buddy! Having positive reinforcement always helps you get back into the groove of being healthy!
  • kellie182
    kellie182 Posts: 9
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    Hey I completely understand!!
    I have also lived in the mind set that one stuff up and I may as well give up. I have only just recently realized it's an anxiety thing that gets me cause I get myself worked up before hand and get so upset with weight that I would not leave the house or not want to see friends. Then one day I thought instead of trying to bombard myself with this when I am already upset about my weight try making a choice of just little things first like " I am not going to have fries or potatoes with a meal" just little things to start and before you know it you'll b on your way.
    Don't feel like its just u alot of ppl feel like the things u describe I know it's hard when you see people doing a million minutes of exercise and eating impeccably all the time.
    We all fall of the band wagon but in the end of the day metabolism works in 2 week cycles and if you can improve on a 2 week basis rather than I can't stuff up one meal one day it may help.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope you feel a little less alone :)
  • chris1529
    chris1529 Posts: 315 Member
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    What you are feeling is normal! I know exactly what you mean! I get like that too!! I always say "tomorrow" but then tomorrow comes and I eat bad all over again. I will tell you three things though, that I have learned. 1st, what you drink is VERY important! Try drinking ONLY water and maybe your cup of coffee in the morning. 2nd, DON'T let yourself get hungry. If you go to the point of feeling like you are starving then you will eat ANYTHING! And 3rd, don't limit yourself too much! Believe me, when I try to be PERFECT on my diet and exercise, the next day I fall off the wagon! Why? Because it's too depriving. Baby steps are good! Try with just only drinking water and not soda and/or juices. What you drink really plays a big part! Make sure to exercise too. Weight training and intervals are awesome! I am 5'2 and weigh 150! I am small framed so all this weight on me looks like more than 150! Today I started with the water only to drink and I haven't had any soda today! I have definitely found that letting yourself get hungry and depriving yourself of the foods you love will only make you binge! I say eat good for the most part and splurge evey once in awhile! :)
  • MamaDee2
    MamaDee2 Posts: 843 Member
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    No you are not alone!
  • IMYarnCraz33
    IMYarnCraz33 Posts: 1,016 Member
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    half the battle is won in the mind.
    if we believe we'll fail, we will. if we believe we'll achieve, we will.
    We have to stay positive---it's difficult at times, but when we're feeling
    down & out we have our MFP friends to help encourage us.

    This may sound ridiculous, but having stick-it notes with positive sayings
    stuck to mirrors or walls and reading them daily may help.
    I've heard of people taping things like that to their bathroom mirror and reading it
    every morning. And it has worked for them.
    So it may be worth a try =)

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