Why Do We Ask for Weight Loss Advice and Then Ignore It?

AnnPT77 · May 31

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/48634527#Comment_48634527

"I haven't been able to do it. So there must be a trick to it."

"What is the trick? I hope it's an easy trick! It must be a secret . . . ".

"Is it cutting out sugar? I can't cut out sugar! I try so hard, but I just can't do it, can't cut out sugar. That's why yoooouuuu did it, but I can't. You cut out sugar. I can't cut out sugar."

I've had people tell me I gave up bread to lose weight, that it was all my rowing that made me lose weight (even though I was doing all that rowing for a dozen years while staying fat and they knew it), that they would like to lose weight but they couldn't give up chocolate so they couldn't lose weight. (This is all literally stuff people have said to me. No surprise to people here on MFP, I did none of that to lose weight.)

I think the truth is just deadlier than any of that, psychologically speaking: Losing weight is a grind, pretty much. It's not necessarily hard hard, but it's tedious, kind of boring. It takes time, a lot of calendar time. It takes patience. There's no drama. The real thing isn't good conversation fodder. No one gets excited hearing about "smaller portions" or "fewer fried foods". I don't get social media likes if I post "here's how I ate a bunch of delicious veggies, but don't put as much cheese on my pasta as I used to". Who wants that?

So:

"What's the trick? There must be a trick." 🙄

ddsb1111 · May 31

"I haven't been able to do it. So there must be a trick to it."

We get this comment here in many forms, all day, everyday. And I’m always like, “Really? Would you like to open your food diary so we can take a look?”

…..

Crickets.

They will do anything, literally anything, but measure and track honestly 🤷🏼‍♀️.

paperpudding · June 1

Devils advocate here - I think we can become too focussed on calorie tracking and measuring as THE WAY

Sure ,there is good advice on here that people sometimes ignore - but conversely there is also bad advice - people answering queries with 'sugar is poison' or IF or keto or whatever is THE answer

Admittedly usually followed by regular posters refuting that.

Sometimes our advice doesnt work for people because it isnt good advice for them and it is too prescriptive or too what worked for us rather than universal good advice.

Sometimes not too and presumably people do want to calorie count as a method if they are on MFP - but other side of coin to consider.

PAV8888 · June 2

I will assume that this is not specific to: why do people ask for weight loss advice on MFP and then ignore it; but more along why do people ask for advice in general and then ignore it…

—they may be engaged in random conversation
—they may be looking to validate beliefs they have and discover that your beliefs don't match
—they may be genuinely collecting viewpoints so that they can subsequently process and synthesize to decide what they will or will not do.
—they may have taken your advice but failed to implement it because of misunderstanding or because of unrelated reasons. You think they didn't take your advice but they think they did and failed!
—they may believe (correctly or incorrectly) that what you suggest is way harder than the alternatives they try (or fail to try) to implement
—they may not be ready to implement anything but they think that they should so they ask

You know what…. I don't care why they don't!

If asked I answer and that's where my obligations end ;-)

During an in person discussion you can generally see whether there is any genuine interest. If there doesn't seem to be any, I tend to go light on details and talk in generalities: eat less move more…. that always goes over well for an eye roll and move along now :)

If there is genuine interest I expand more.

Usually there isn't much genuine interest in terms of getting into the mechanics. Especially when discussing calorie counting… because that's difficult :)

Corina1143 · June 2

I not only asked for advice. I paid for it. Weight Watchers. I tried hard to do What they said. I really did. But when someone with a tdee around 3000 cuts to 1200 calories a day, nothing good happens. I just couldn't be that sick and weak with 2 toddlers relying on me.

springlering62 · June 2

it’s just hard, because you/I want so much for people to be successful and reap the benefits.

A lot of us here pour ourselves into trying to provide advice, support, rah-rah.

ah well, I guess if wanting better things for others actually had an effect, there’d be no war, no poverty, no gangs, and no crime.

People gonna do what people gonna do. 😭

MarjMJMM · June 2

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/48634550#Comment_48634550

For me your observation that losing weight is a grind pretty much hits the nail on the head.

This certainly isn't my first rodeo when it comes to weight loss, and like one of the posters above, I even paid to do it via one of the 'fatclubs' we have here in the UK. I was by any measure pretty successful and lost over 50lbs following the plans in about 18 months, but I have to say I hated every minute of it. Not the plans per se - they were easy to follow, as it was all about making healthier choices and behaviours. I am fortunate enough to be a pretty good cook, and there were some behaviours I changed significantly to the point I now very rarely drink alcohol.

The bit I hated and really didn't find motivating at all were the group sessions where you'd listen to someone's 'you had a gain' weekly feedback and realise they put 42 sugars in their tea, and were shocked, I tell you, shocked, they didn't lose weight. 🙄

Everyone is up the big Egyptian river, and want to know how you get to lose consistently every month. I even had an office colleague (who I admit was a bit nutty anyway) be convinced I had cancer. This is a woman who watched me eat salad lunches and fruit out of a box for a year…😏

I did make some good friends through the group, so there were some positives and I am grateful for their friendship. They still go, but I don't speak to them about weight loss or dieting. I just can't do it.

For me, I have learned a lot about myself, done a lot of reading round, and come back to the fact that CICO is what works for me. You can't outrun your fork. Going to fatclub, asking for advice on the magic hacks are like signing up for a gym. You have to put your trainers on and DO IT to get the results.

As another aside the Stages of Change model can be very easily applied to how people behave and engage with the advice. Some people may be in precontemplation, so not thinking about change. Next there is contemplation - so legitimately people are asking for information to help them decide to change. Then there's preparing to make the changes. This is then followed by Action - doing the thing - losing the weight in this case. Finally there is maintenance. There is of course opportunity to cycle in or out at each stage. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556005/

ninerbuff · June 3

What I find is that people who ask usually DON'T want to do whatever it is they are doing now to lose weight, so they are trying to either find ways to speed it up, or look for easier ways to lose. If they don't follow, it's likely because it's even stricter or harder than what they are currently doing.

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Why Do We Ask for Weight Loss Advice and Then Ignore It?

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