would you hire me?

Sounds pretty solid, good luck!

I like your cover letter. It conveys your interest and skills required for the position very well. I would definately ask for an interview.

i do the hiring for my company and speaking honestly that letter would get you an interview but job selection would be based on how interview went and your exp/qualifications against other applicants...however the qual/exp/ factors do not outweigh the most enthusiastic and positive attitude....so if they call for interview...pe outgoing enthusiastic and positive but not desperate

A great start, good luck!

First up I'd call the gym to find out the individual who is handling the applications so you can use a real name.

Instead of "Below I will list how I meet the key-selection criteria." use "Here are some ways in which I believe I meet the key selection criteria:"

Are you including a separate CV/resume? If not you should give examples of each of the points, e.g. "I am very organized and great with computers as demonstrated in a temp job I carried out last summer, so I can excel in fulfilling the administration requirements. "

Do you have a fitness blog here or elsewhere? It might demonstrate your knowledge of and enthusiasm for the fitness industry.

Are you working towards a heath and fitness qualification or do you have ambitions to? Might me worth mentioning.

Let us know how you get on!

sounds good - best wishes! :flowerforyou:

This may come off as brutal, but it's a good letter overall. There's just a few things and I'm a pretty blunt person.

1. Try to find out the name of the person handling the application. Then address it to them using "Dear Mr./Ms."
2. Don't bother with your name. That should be above (I've included a template below explaining this)
3. State where and when the position was advertised.
4. Don't say you will list how you fit the criteria -- use an introductory sentence. e.g. "I am an excellent candidate for this positiion for the following reasons:" include your customer service experience and passion for health and fitness etc here as well.
Sign off formally. Thank them for their time, then use a formal sign-off "Yours sincerely," if you have used their name, "Yours faithfully," if not.

Formal letter template
Here is a template you can use for writing formal letters. We have added examples within this but the main structure remains the same.
Your exact street address
Your state and zip code
Today’s date
The name of the person you are writing to (first name and surname)
Their company name
Company department
Company address and zip code
Dear salutation (this can be Dear Mr. Smith – if you have the name of the person just put Dear (surname) and don’t include their first name) or Dear sir
First paragraph – in the first paragraph make it short at maybe one or two sentences. This should summarize exactly why you are writing to the person concerned.
Letter Body – this will have additional facts and information about your letter and why you are writing.
Closing paragraph – This should summarize the letter and have a call to action which would be you telling the person what you would like them to actually do now they have read your letter. If you want a telephone call then you need to leave your number.
Sign off - Usually this would simply be “Yours sincerely” or simply “Sincerely” if you have addressed a real person’s name in the “Dear Mr x” or “Yours faithfully” if you have addressed the letter as “Dear sir”

Hi Bethany!

Maybe you would think that I am so freak! but... I saw your message here and first thing I did it was to type "Bethany Scheffer" in Google and Google Images. From among all the pictures there are some with a black hair giving kind of a kiss or just showing her tongue to a guy and some very posh but maybe selfish pictures in front of mirrors. If that girl is you maybe you should first take care of your online reputation before applying any job. If that girl is you maybe the gym doesn't like the image you broadcast about the company if finally they hire you.

If the girl is not you, then, forget everything I stated above.

I hope it helps! and I cross fingers for you!

Brgrds / Jose

Best of luck! The points I had have all been covered by the above people (and some I hadn't even thought of wow you guys are so good!), so now we all hope you get the job x