Donating your eggs?
McKayMachina
Posts: 2,670 Member
I just signed up to put my name in a database to donate my eggs. I've wanted to do it for years but am only now eligible. (My BMI, the only thing that was barring me from donating, is 30.9 and will be under 30 in just a few more lbs.)
I never want kids of my own, for a multitude of reasons, but I wholeheartedly believe in a sense of enriching the lives of good people in this world. I think good people ought to have the opportunity to build the family of their dreams and infertility should not stand in their way. While I prefer adoption, the system (in America, at least) is a mess and private egg donation is a good alternative.
I know it's a lengthy process and requires much of the donor. I feel that I have a good handle on what I'm in for if selected.
So, I'm wondering, has anyone donated or received eggs through this process? Can you tell me about your experience?
I never want kids of my own, for a multitude of reasons, but I wholeheartedly believe in a sense of enriching the lives of good people in this world. I think good people ought to have the opportunity to build the family of their dreams and infertility should not stand in their way. While I prefer adoption, the system (in America, at least) is a mess and private egg donation is a good alternative.
I know it's a lengthy process and requires much of the donor. I feel that I have a good handle on what I'm in for if selected.
So, I'm wondering, has anyone donated or received eggs through this process? Can you tell me about your experience?
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Replies
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The world is lucky to have women like you. Good form.0
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I had wanted to do this at some point, but was also too overweight to donate. Then I got busy with school. And now I'm too old. Congratulations to you, though.0
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Too bad mine have a larger chance of being infertile, otherwise I would consider donating too! You're inspiring, McKay.
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I had actually considered it as well, but heard it was hard to get accepted and that you had to be REALLY healthy (ie, much smaller than me).
Keep us informed
Tamara0 -
I would like to know the answer to that as well. I have 3 kids but our 3rd was a surprise. We wanted to adopt instead of getting pregnant. If we wouldn't have gotten pregnant with the 2nd one when we did we would have adopted a little boy we fell in love with. The boys would have only been about 7 months apart and that wouldn't have been fair to either of them. I have always wanted to help others become parents. In fact, I offered my eggs to my cousin because she cannot get pregnant. Her sister is giving eggs instead.0
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my wife was asked to be a donor for her mother! she went along to the consultation but she never went through with it.
the reason being, it is physically dangerous, and can cause death, she has epilepsy and would have needed to to take even higher doses of the medications they use to boost egg production, as her medication she is on tends to interfere with most other drugs.
Plus the fact that her brother or sister would be her genetic son or daughter0 -
I always wanted to do this. But I fear I'm too old now.0
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You are my hero!0
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The world is lucky to have women like you. Good form.
x2.
What a lovely thing to do.0 -
I can appreciate the gesture, but let's not forget that if you are in the United States, Czech Republic, or Israel, you'll make between $3000 and $10,000.
-wtk0 -
I decided against it because of of all the hormones and check ups you have to go through. I don't have the time for all that stuff and it made me very sad. But I found out about the Celiac disease and I would not wish this on someone raising a child from my eggs so thanks girl for doing better then I could do
) 0 -
I think the sentiment is nice but just because a couple can afford donor eggs and fertility treatments doesnt make them automatically good people and worthy of being parents. Also... there are so many kids in the world already born that need good parents. Im really not a negative nancy.... just my thoughts on this I thought Id throw out there.0
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Good for you!
I don't think it's for me because I can't really seperate myself from the thought that it's my baby... somewhere down the line I'm very sure that I would want to try to "check in" on the child, which I don't think is fair in any way at all to the family or the child. But I also definitely plan on having my own kids some day too, so that may be part of the reason why it's difficult for me to think of giving them up. I could also never be a surrogate for the same reason as well, as much as I would like to be able to help someone out in this way.0 -
I have never donated eggs, however I considered it briefly while in graduate school. I am now the mother of 4 children, one of whom is adopted. Now that I am old and full of opinions, I just thought I'd share some thoughts which you may or may not have already considered.
It is a very powerful and amazing gift that you are considering, however it is not without consequence to you -- perhaps not in and of this moment, but the impact will be there throughout your life, in varying and perhaps unexpected ways.
If any of those eggs does in fact become a person someday, that person WILL be a child of your own. That person will entertain all manner of ideas and expectations of you, and they may impose those ideas and expectations upon you, without regard for your opinion on the subject.
You may be interested to google and read a variety of writings by adoptees, surrogate children, and people who came to be through sperm or egg donation. As every person is a unique individual, there are many varied stories, however, a common theme exists among them all: a deep questioning of their biological origin. You may also like to read writings by surrogate mothers, first mothers who have relinquished children to adoption, and women who have donated eggs. It is a lifelong process of remembering and wondering, perhaps with joy, perhaps with sadness, or some combination, but never -- not ever -- without wondering.
Blessings.0 -
I can appreciate the gesture, but let's not forget that if you are in the United States, Czech Republic, or Israel, you'll make between $3000 and $10,000.
-wtk
That's true. However, it's an incredibly lengthy process (usually a few months) and a seriously invasive procedure. I'll be compromising my body for the donation. I, personally, believe that is worth some compensation. When all is said and done, it doesn't come out to much of a money maker at all.
Is it so hard to believe that a person might not have financial motivation?
Personally, and I'm not trying to poo-poo on the money, but a few thousand dollars isn't much in the long-run. Donation ought to be about something bigger than that. This might sound a little bit too Eugenic for some, but I think that a healthy, reasonably intelligent person wanting to contribute her genes to the pool makes a lot of sense. My decision not to have kids of my own just means I am going about it a different way.I think the sentiment is nice but just because a couple can afford donor eggs and fertility treatments doesnt make them automatically good people and worthy of being parents. Also... there are so many kids in the world already born that need good parents. Im really not a negative nancy.... just my thoughts on this I thought Id throw out there.
I agree that money doesn't make someone a good parent and that adoption is a much better alternative. However, in the US, adoption is so difficult, costly and drawn out that it's just not reasonable for some families. Plus, there are other psychological factors associated with adoption that not all people are equipped to navigate. Additionally, I'll argue that someone willing to go through the intricacies of choosing an egg donor and that process are potentially more committed than the average parent, leading me to believe that their level of devotion has a good chance of continuing throughout the child's life. Also, I don't think it's wrong to want to help populate the world with children for affluent couples. Affluence is usually a sign that the person is motivated, educated and cultured. I'm not saying it's a requirement. Just an indicator.
Ultimately, I will have the opportunity to decide who receives my eggs. I would not donate to someone who does not appear to have a clear vision for and dedication to the family they are building.
Anyway. Just wanted to respond to both of those comments. Thanks to everyone for the well-wishes. I may or may not be selected, but if, at some point, that does become the case, I'll be grateful for the opportunity to make a family's dreams come true.0 -
I have never donated eggs, however I considered it briefly while in graduate school. I am now the mother of 4 children, one of whom is adopted. Now that I am old and full of opinions, I just thought I'd share some thoughts which you may or may not have already considered.
It is a very powerful and amazing gift that you are considering, however it is not without consequence to you -- perhaps not in and of this moment, but the impact will be there throughout your life, in varying and perhaps unexpected ways.
If any of those eggs does in fact become a person someday, that person WILL be a child of your own. That person will entertain all manner of ideas and expectations of you, and they may impose those ideas and expectations upon you, without regard for your opinion on the subject.
You may be interested to google and read a variety of writings by adoptees, surrogate children, and people who came to be through sperm or egg donation. As every person is a unique individual, there are many varied stories, however, a common theme exists among them all: a deep questioning of their biological origin. You may also like to read writings by surrogate mothers, first mothers who have relinquished children to adoption, and women who have donated eggs. It is a lifelong process of remembering and wondering, perhaps with joy, perhaps with sadness, or some combination, but never -- not ever -- without wondering.
Blessings.
Very solid points. Thank you for this!
I did say, in the donation questionnaire, that I would be open to maintaining communication or a relationship with the recipients and/or the child if and when they determined that to be of interest. I'm a very curious person and definitely considered that any child might decide, at ANY point, with or without his/her parents' consent, to seek me out. I would welcome a non-parental relationship with the child. I'm very open to any and all potential outcomes.
Great stuff to think about. Thx!0 -
I, personally believe that it defeats the point of a donation if compensation is expected. Without diving too deeply into the etymology of the word, it came to English from Latin [through French] and means, "giving a gift freely." So there's that.I, personally, believe that is worth some compensation...Is it so hard to believe that a person might not have financial motivation?
According to the 2005 U.S. census, the average American over 25 makes just over $33,000. If I had the functioning parts to increase my [average] salary by nearly thirty-three percent, I would jump over the opportunity.
I'm sure it is hell for a family that wants children but is unable to conceive. I really do empathize with those people. But to echo Julie's points, I believe that adoption would be the best course for these families. Pointing out the purported over-population of the world as it stands would be more of a "eugenics" argument than your conceit, but I can understand your point.
I definitely do believe that you should pursue the egg donation if the opportunity becomes available to you; however, I think that the more noble gesture if it is donated towards research. It's just common sense. Sure, someone could become parents, or a brother, or grandparent, or whatever. But the footprint of those affected by researching stem cells or embryonic structure is phenomenal.
I understand that, as a male, my point of view is incomplete to the conversation in question. Also, keep in mind that long-dormant effects of egg donations have developed. Some take ten to twenty years to come forward as hormonal imbalances, etc. Just all things to keep in mind.
-wtk0 -
Honestly, you have to go through a LOT physically to be a donor (ingesting hormones, preventing pregnancy during this time, having the eggs harvested, etc.), plus it's time-consuming, plus these are your eggs we're talking about - not a hair cut. I don't think the compensation is enough to be an incentive for most people.0
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I, personally believe that it defeats the point of a donation if compensation is expected. Without diving too deeply into the etymology of the word, it came to English from Latin [through French] and means, "giving a gift freely." So there's that.
I know what the word donation means. I'm a linguistics major and writer by trade (if my verbose replies haven't made that painfully clear). That said, I think most English-speaking adults know that word's meaning. XD That's why I mentioned that the donor's financial gain is negligible. The recipient isn't paying to purchase the eggs. They're paying for the countless trips to medical facilities, the time invested, any lost wages due to time spent at appointments or while the donor is out of work for recovery, any costs associated with travel, etc. "Donating" (to be fair, not the most appropriate word) is expensive for all parties involved. Some compensation to recoup costs is, in my opinion, warranted. Otherwise, I am paying someone else to make babies.
According to the 2005 U.S. census, the average American over 25 makes just over $33,000. If I had the functioning parts to increase my [average] salary by nearly thirty-three percent, I would jump over the opportunity.
I will address this piece at the end of my comments.
I'm sure it is hell for a family that wants children but is unable to conceive. I really do empathize with those people. But to echo Julie's points, I believe that adoption would be the best course for these families. Pointing out the purported over-population of the world as it stands would be more of a "eugenics" argument than your conceit, but I can understand your point.
I have mentioned twice now that I agree adoption is a better course of action in many cases. If I were to build a family, I, personally, would opt to adopt. Unfortunately, there are many instances where adoption is not a viable option. For example, my godparents are both women and when they wanted a family, many agencies turned them down for no reason other than their sexuality. They are both intelligent, accomplished professionals with a gorgeous home in a safe neighborhood in northern California. They have a reliable network of responsible friends and family and are rounded, amazing individuals. But when no one would take their adoption efforts seriously, they opted for the sperm bank route. I can only imagine scenarios like this for gay men. Or any other number of infinite possible reasons why egg donation would be a more appropriate route for intended parents.
Additionally, in the spirit of your prior pedantry, the word "conceit" implies excessive pride. It's far from excessive to recognize one's own level of relative health and intelligence. It's realistic to have a healthy self-image and to recognize your strengths and shortcomings. I recognize mine and find that my incidental strengths (physical and intellectual resilience in a society that holds both in high regard) bode well for any future population. If the metrics were in favor of attributes I lack, I would resign my desire to donate. Arguably, I wouldn't ever have developed an interest in donation at all.
I definitely do believe that you should pursue the egg donation if the opportunity becomes available to you; however, I think that the more noble gesture if it is donated towards research. It's just common sense. Sure, someone could become parents, or a brother, or grandparent, or whatever. But the footprint of those affected by researching stem cells or embryonic structure is phenomenal.
My goal isn't nobility. My goal is more along the lines of humanity - contributing to a family. There's a warmth involved. Additionally, I'm not familiar with any donation process in which I would be able to participate in something like this. This is the first time I've heard of such an option.
I understand that, as a male, my point of view is incomplete to the conversation in question. Also, keep in mind that long-dormant effects of egg donations have developed. Some take ten to twenty years to come forward as hormonal imbalances, etc. Just all things to keep in mind.
-wtk
I have considered the potential long-term effects. For me, it is worth it.
Going back to your comment about increasing your salary: it sounds like you have some bitterness or a personal vendetta against this process and I'm not really sure why. You're free to disagree with it and I appreciate all of your comments. I just think that maybe you're not open to the reasons why egg donation might make sense for any number of donors or recipients. You also seem to be hung up on the idea that any donor is using donation as a "get rich quick" scheme. That's just not realistic by any stretch of the imagination.
Again, thank you for your comments. I have enjoyed the exchange. If you have more to say or would like to respond, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.0 -
I can appreciate the gesture, but let's not forget that if you are in the United States, Czech Republic, or Israel, you'll make between $3000 and $10,000.
-wtk
I was going to say, I've never heard of eggs being "donated" other than to family, you get paid and paid well if you are in your early-mid 20’s and healthy. Either way, nice income for you and you help out a person who can't have children so it's win-win, good stuff!
Just be aware that 18 years from now they may want to meet you and with the lack of anonymity now online and technology and leaked info out there, there's a good chance you may be found.0 -
Apparently I double posted. Then made the faux pas of deleting the first one.
-wtk0 -
Additionally, in the spirit of your prior pedantry, the word "conceit" implies excessive pride.
Actually, in context, 'conceit' is more accurately defined as 'fanciful expression in writing or speech.' This one also comes from Latin, through French, and coincidentally comes from the same stem as "conceive." Who would've thought that in a conversation regarding egg donation we whimsically bat at each others nomenclature interpretations?
To address your final point, I have no vendetta against egg donation. In fact, I very specifically stated that I would love to see you pursue the egg donation for science's sake.
-wtk0 -
I definitely do believe that you should pursue the egg donation if the opportunity becomes available to you; however, I think that the more noble gesture if it is donated towards research. It's just common sense. Sure, someone could become parents, or a brother, or grandparent, or whatever. But the footprint of those affected by researching stem cells or embryonic structure is phenomenal.
Noble is in the eye of the beholder. It is an interesting perception to me. Since I am a parent both by birth (x3) and international adoption (x1), I have received many varying opinions regarding adoption, many of which I consider to be overly complimentary , while others seem outrageously harsh to me. Interestingly, no one has ever directly expressed an opinion as to my decision to give birth 3 times.
I have had many people tell me how noble I am to have adopted an orphan when I already had children "of my own". I have had others say international adoption is IMMORAL and it is all about rich Americans abducting the children of poor people instead of funding family support systems to help the children stay with their "real" parents. There is actually a large group of adult international adoptees who have formed a group and call themselves "Transracial Abductees".
Everybody's got an opinion. Some people say Americans want "designer" kids from abroad. Hmmmm. My "designer" kid came from a poor orphanage with a severe, unrepaired, bilateral cleft palate and lip. Some people say that if you want a kid you should adopt "a deserving foster child from right here at home". Hmmmm. The fact is, the majority of foster children are actually NOT available for adoption.
Everybody knows there are children who need homes, but still there are governments that won't permit international adoption even as children languish in poorly funded orphanages, while other people procreate every day. Certain cultures don't ever consider adopting. Some people fear raising a child who has already "gone through trauma" (they prefer to provide all the child's trauma themselves, ha!). Some people have a strong desire to create a child who looks like them. Some people want a child who is at least partially biologically theirs so they elect to go with egg or sperm donation or surrogacy. Dilemma. Which of these people is most morally sound? I wouldn't venture to judge because surely I would be wrong.
Again, noble is in the eye of the beholder. The couple that wants an egg -- wants an egg. Why is it more noble to donate an egg to research rather than to a couple who wants that egg? Who says that research is more worthy than that couple? Not the couple.
Finally, regarding compensation for egg AND sperm donation: compensation exists because there is a demand for donation and as a legal settlement. Just as in some places compensation exists for blood donation. The organization offering the compensation does not allow a donor to decline the compensation lest the legal settlement be nullified.
Compensation exists whether or not any given person chooses to donate. Accepting compensation for donation is not a reflection on the character of the donor.
EDIT:
No one chooses to have kids so that everybody else can tell them how great they are, or what pompous jerks they are. They also don't decide to have kids because they think it would be so great for the kids to have them as parents. People have kids because THEY WANT KIDS. The same goes for people who help others have kids -- via egg or sperm donation, surrogacy, even unknowingly by a one-night stand.
When any part of you creates or raises a kid, be it your loins or your heart, or the combination, you are a parent, forever. As to motivation, level of skill or participation, it varies by individual.0 -
i was pretty brief in my first response but let me expand a little as I have ties to both sides of this. I am an adopted child and when someone mentioned before that there are very strong biological pull/tie -that is extremely true. I always wondered. always wanted the story. Always questioned where my eyes, smile, laugh, etc... came from. My views are vastly different than that of my adoptive family. I have since located my biological family and I can tell you there is WAY more to biology than many think. I have a full biological sister and we are like clones of each other. Now, being raised with these questions didnt harm me in any way. I was still loved and grew up to be a well rounded person. My biological mother.... though adoption was the right choice for her at the time.... never forgave herself. She can not even see me at this point in time. The guilt is too strong. As a mother, I get it. Im not sure I could separate from a child - or eggs even - and not have any feelings of regret or sadness. okay. So, the other half.... I have a fertility issue and had to undergo fertility treatments to get my second child. The whole nine - shots, pills, surgical procedures, daily visits to check egg progression, blood draws, etc.... It was HARD. My hormones were a wreck, my ovaries hurt like nothing Ive ever felt before in my life. I would encourage you to talk to someone who has undergone this before because its miserable. If you have a partner... they need to be on board with you too because believe me - you wont be all that pleasant to be around during some of it. I chose the fertility treatments because adoption was out of our reach financially. Im rambling....
I just encourage you to look at it from all angles possible. Put aside the money and the warm fuzzies and tear it down piece by piece. If you wanted to do something truly beneficial - find a way to raise awareness for adoption.0 -
I just want to say THANK YOU! My husband and I have tried for a number of years to conceive, and it just was not happening. Due to our age, adoption is now out, but donor eggs is a good possibility for us. On the first round of IVF with a donor egg we were successful, but miscarried at 8 weeks. We have one frozen embryo left and we will try again after the first of the year...and after I get some of the excess weight off.
Thanks for giving someone a chance at parenthood, that may have no other options.0 -
Has anyone actually donated?0
This discussion has been closed.
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