My Health Is Failing at 26

anevesjfk · September 10

At age 24, I was around 210lbs, actively in the gym and on the field for work. I enjoyed good muscle growth and a shifting physique. I felt great and was moving well. At 26, after having been promoted to the office life and moving out, I am 250lbs and no longer fit in my clothes. My life has fallen apart healthwise, and I just want a sensible way to get back down, regardless of the time it takes. I want to change my lifestyle to accomodate healthy weight. I am 5' 10".

babydee29 · September 10

You need to change your mind/schedule/lifestyle to incorporate the gym into your days. Also, take a look at your social life. When you meet with friends or family, is it always go to eat and drink? Try going for walks or hikes instead, do something active. Ultimately, eating is the most important, so take a good serious look at what you're eating. You mentioned that you just moved out. Do you cook or eat/order out mostly? Do you have a lot of snacks around the house? Did you get into a habit of snacking at work while sitting all day? Try to replace snacking with water during work. I put lemon slices, ingestible citrus essential oils and a sliced chili pepper in my 64oz water bottle for work and while that makes me have to go pee a lot, it does keep me from snacking.

anevesjfk · September 11

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/48759064#Comment_48759064

I've gone no contact with all of my family, sadly, but when I see my two friends here and there, we meet for a meal. I don't smoke or drink alcohol, so at least I'm without those vices. And I do try to maintain portion control for public sake with them. But if I'm honest, I'm just depressed from having to move out. As of late, I have been meal prepping chicken breast/thighs, 85% or 93% ground beef/hamburger patties to convert to beef pieces, salmon, rice and pasta (more rice less pasta). But my main vice is popping Caffeine pills and energy drinks to stay awake and get work done. I'm falling apart and I went as high as 1000mg. Mind you, my caffeine consumption is a relapse from being clean from those pills since 2023, but the move out and fallout from it resulted in me falling back into the habit. I am responsible for choosing this vice and for the consequences of my dietary choices. I just want to realistically return to form in the proper time, and by your encouragement and raw truth, I believe I will. Thank you for the kind advice.

aceunderwood · September 11

First of all, be kind to yourself. You've been through a lot. Going no contact is usually an intensely stressful act that requires all your reserves of strength and courage. Moving out is a huge upheaval to all your routines. And getting promoted, while a achievement, is another major upheaval. You're not failing, it's just that you're suddenly playing the game on the "hard" setting and you weren't prepared for it. But you've got this! First, instead of beating yourself up, be proud of yourself.

If going to the gym is too hard to fit into your schedule right now, is there something you can do at home, just to get yourself moving regularly again? Believe it or not, I love playing my old Wii (Walk it Out [using an aerobic step], or ExerBeat [boxercising] or even the silly mini games in Wii fit). I can always get in a quick game no matter how packed my day is, and because they're "games" it doesn't feel like a chore. If that's not your kind of thing, getting some basic dumbbells or resistance bands and just doing a little each day (while listening to some upbeat music) could ease you back into working out without making it seem too daunting. Don't aim to be "perfect" right now or you'll psych yourself out.

I wouldn't make food too complicated. Figure out what your maintenance calories are, and aim to eat a bit less than that each day (use the myfitnesspal food diary). Don't bother tracking exercise calories burned, just know that if you're only eating "maintenance" calories, any exercise you do will put you in a deficit. As you start to feel better and regain energy and confidence, you'll probably be eager to get back to the gym. You can do this!

springlering62 · September 11

I’m sorry. I went “no contact” with my family several years ago, and I’m old as dirt. It’s hard at any age, but sometimes it’s the thing you have to do to allow your own self to heal, especially if you’ve been (or have placed yourself in the position of….) handling everyone else’s problems for them.

But OMG was it stressful, and my already poor eating habits ramped up with even more stress eating.

Going no contact with me also involved leaving a family business I’d been heavily involved in for 30+ years. Suddenly, no customers, no reps, no daily office chat in additional to “losing” family. It was like the lights were switched off.

You sound depressed, which I can certainly understand. For me, simply getting outside and walking helped, as did making myself get out of the house and create a social life. I’m normally very shy, so my social outlet became volunteer positions, and people at the gym or yoga studio, my trainer, etc.

My experience was, it’s awfully easy to sit in the house and gnaw on how unfair life has been, why people couldn’t live up to even the lowest expectations, how unhappy it’s made you. You can snowball it til it’s this huge think overshadowing everything else.

As stupid and self serving as it sounds, two or three sessions with a therapist helped me tremendously. It was actually a relief to see his jaw drop as I explained the family dynamics, and reassuring to confirm, I wasn’t as crazy as I thought.

Dealing with all that finally freed me to start paying attention to me, for like the first time ever, and it was a revelation.

I don’t want to say that “the best revenge is living well”. I’m sorry for them, I truly am, deeply regretful things turned out like this, and some corner of me still loves them and wishes they’d get their *kitten* together. But going cold turkey has proved that it won’t. There’s folks that just love living up to their armpits in drama, and want to share that mess with everyone else.

Work on the personal stuff first, the mental health aspect of life is #1 and everything else flows from that. Maybe begin practicing weighing by logging and recording for when you’re ready to commit to losing.

I sincerely hope you have a supportive spouse of partner in your life He’ll, even a dog to pour it all out to, because you need an outlet

Wishing you much happiness. The first time I heard the term “no contact” I thought it was cruel, til I realized, sometimes you just gotta do it.

Luckymartee · September 14

Brother, I spent decades in office/corporate life. It really does take a toll on your mental, emotional, and physical health. I would say you need to take inventory of your mental, emotional, physical health. Everything from mindset, thoughts, things you say to yourself, music, peace, how you relax, foods, drinks, sleep, exercise or lack therefore, as well as work/life balance. Then consider what changes you are willing to make. Start there. No one can decide for you what your options are and what you are willing to do. Journaling does help if you are willing to do it. The task of simply tracking your moods, thoughts, foods, drinks, and exercise, or things on your mind or heart helps. You don't have to set goals or beat yourself up. The tasks of simply tracking them daily or every couple days and making simple improvements can add to big compounded differences over time. This app/website has a short note section. Write those short stories to yourself. It doesn't have to be shared. It is better not to share it. Consider it a spiritual journey between yourself and the universe. I saw you have caffine dependence really wrecks your sleep and hormones. You really need at least 6-8 hours of sleep to have good hormones (chemicals). You are probably producing way too much cortisol and not enough good hormones from lack of sleep. You should also ask yourself is it worth thing to trade your life (time) for money to where it is shortening your life. I know people who don't work more or do more hours but use leverage of people, technology, assets, capital to make more money with less hours. Not that they don't work hard but the time is leveraged to assets, technology, and people. That is somthing you need consider and decide for yourself. Also self healing from complext PTSD due to disfunctional childhood upbringing takes time as well as you had mentioned your broke contact with broken family. Before you can fix your physical, you must first fix your mental, emotional. But they are all tied together. So take it step by step. Start with tracking your thoughts, activities with journaling, getting better sleep, healthy foods/drinks, 20 minute walks outside in the sun, music, or what ever healthy habits/hobbies you enjoy. The journey of self, personal development is sacred.

dietrich0816251312 · September 14

It sounds like your adrenals are fried from caffeine and emotional stress. If you're like me, you work late at the office, so cut that out and instead spend 20 minutes after work each day slow running / jogging. It should feel easy at first, but you should be sweating hard by the end. You should feel more energized at the end, not exhausted. Take a relaxing bath, go to bed early, and sleep in as late as possible. Work remotely or move closer to work, if you can. This will give you back more time to sleep, exercise, and meal prep. Ditch the caffeine (obviously) and ask your HR department in your company offers any psychotherapy benefits. Many companies offer free psychotherapy. You don't need to have some diagnosed condition to get therapy. It's just good to have an extra sane person in your life to talk to on a regular basis. Those are my suggestions. Good luck!

anevesjfk · September 17

Hi all,

I want to thank each and everyone of you for these inspiring messages with practical advice and genuine heartfelt encouragement.

My Fiance has been helping on the sidelines with her love and kindness to push start my new diet attempt. It's about the lifestyle around eating, not cutting every calorie in existence.

I have lost a bit of water/bloat weight, currently down 4.8lbs from switching back to high diet recipes and meals.

Not much else to say other than thank you for your patience, honesty, and compassion toward my pain. I needed this, a lot.

Gratitude to God for all of you,

Tony Neves

P.S. I will update you all once I have more progress, and I will continue to fight the good fight for my health, the love of my life, and for the encouragement you've all given me.

springlering62 · September 23

hi Tony @anevesjfk

how’s it going? You still hanging in there?

Kudos to your fiance, it’s a journey, and I know even married almost forty years (😱), nagging each other about food choices and portions is a beyotch. Eye rolls, flashes of irritation, outright cries of “get off my kitten” .

Yall hang in there, but remember, this has to be in you She can’t nag you into good health, and could you even stand her if she did?! 😬

Hope it’s going well, occasional lapses are part of the journey, and hope you’ll update us when you feel ready! 😘

giadimedici · September 26

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/48760131#Comment_48760131

i'm not sure a dog is a solution for him currently. it's a lot of responsibility and he's already got a lot on his plate emotionally speaking. i wish the best for him. going no contact is heart wrenching but necessary often. i know as i've been there with my now deceased father

anevesjfk · October 31

Hi all,

I'd like to take this time to thank you all for your love and kindness. I am not proud to say I returned to bad eating habits and gained some weight, but rather than be pessimistic, I've become more realistic in understanding I am in a survival mentality and choosing convenient meals versus healthier meals. I have a plan in place to make life more manageable, and will soon be living with my wife after our marriage today and move-in plans for December, so I'm hoping that the start of our lives together with a focus on our own health and happiness can be a catalyst to help boost progress.

Though my health and life events tend to drag me down (and encourage me, with my marriage coming into play), I remain optimistic seeing how people of any age or economic status can change and evolve. I know I will get my health in order, God willing, because many stories of many different people show that it can be done. I just need to be patient, practical, and focused one day at a time.

Currently 256lbs, but hoping to get to my goals, one day at a time.

Thank you for breathing life into me, and hoping my next update will bring more good news on the weight side of things!

- Tony

springlering62 · October 31

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/48817767#Comment_48817767

congrats on the wedding!!!!!! Much happiness to you both.

Tony, the thing with weight, it’ll always be there waiting (weighting?!) for you.

You can pick up where you left off.

Just remember, one fluffed up day, a week or even a month isn’t a failure. It’s something new to learn and file away to improve upon the next time.

Keep in touch!

Again, hugs and congrats on the nuptials!!!

My Health Is Failing at 26

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