Afraid of failing, so I sabotage myself

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FitBridget
FitBridget Posts: 30 Member
in Motivation and Support
I need help. I've been on MFP for more than a month now, and I've been steadily losing almost a pound a week. But my goal is to lose 17 pounds between now and Christmas, which is not going to happen at almost a pound a week.

I'm generally doing well at following my eating plan, but I'm totally failing at exercising. I know I need to exercise to increase my rate of weight loss, to help lose inches, and to generally be in better health. BUT, I'm afraid that even if I exercise regularly, I'm not going to lose weight faster than almost a pound a week. And I need to lose 1.5 pounds per week to meet my goal.

I like exercise, and I signed up for 2 aerobics classes at my gym, but since I joined MFP, I'm only going like, once every 2 weeks.

I also love the healthy eating plan, but every time I think about losing 17 pounds by Christmas, I want to eat cookies (which I don't even really like), or I go out for pizza, or I do something else to sabotage and then I'm not happy about it because I recognize what I'm doing, and I hate going so far over my calories for no reason.

How do you stop sabotaging yourself because you're afraid of trying hard and failing?

Replies

  • defygravity531
    defygravity531 Posts: 289 Member
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    You read Judith Beck's book "The Beck Diet Solution".

    She's my hero, lol. It's all about how to deal with the perceptions, emotions, and sabotaging thoughts that either keep us from making the right weight-loss choices or help us gain the weight right back after we lose it. It's about getting to the inner you that makes those decisions that trip up your efforts.

    You CAN do this and you CAN stay thin and fit for the rest of your life. Here's the link to the book on amazon. I bought mine used for one cent.

    http://www.amazon.com/Beck-Diet-Solution-Train-Person/dp/0848732758/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1317839233&sr=8-4
  • daves160
    daves160 Posts: 600
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    The more you exercise, the more you will want to. It becomes a little addicting.

    Keep things like cookies out of the house. Replace them with grapes, apples, berries, nuts(in small amounts), and maybe cottage cheese.

    Form the habits and change your lifestyle.

    Don't think of "losing" the weight. Think of disposing of it or getting rid of it. We tend to try to find things we lose.
  • RissaBri88
    RissaBri88 Posts: 20 Member
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    start out easy. i jog in my living room during my fav shows or start out on commercials. its worked for me. ive lost 8lbs in just about a month. i just make sure i dont go over my calories, i cut down soda to once MAYBE twice a week. then do little excercises in my living room while my youngest is napping. or do step ups with a step stool. i use my sons lol. you can do. dont stress yourself.
  • LillyMosley
    LillyMosley Posts: 166
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    Maybe have a talk with yourself about why that goal is so important, ie by Christmas. Weight loss should be a lifetime thing, you stick at this and you will be close to your goal, and probably by the end of January you could meet it? You will still look and feel a lot better by Christmas than if you sabotage yourself. Loving yourself, feeling you deserve this and can do it is really half the battle. It is in you to do this, when you eat that pizza tell yourself I am only letting myself down, no one else. Is it worth it?
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    The first thing I would do is drop the goal. It seems to be too intimidating so lose it. Make a different goal of simply getting healthier. This does not have to be measured on a scale or with a tape measure. If you eat healthier than you were, you've met your goal. If you move more than you were, you've met your goal. Every day you have the opportunity to meet that goal so buckle down and do it. If you meet it most days you will be a much healthier person by Christmas. Don't even step on the scale until Christmas morning. I'll bet you will be happy with the results.

    And when you don't meet the goal one day, shrug it off because you have a goal for tomorrow.
  • Sookie_182
    Sookie_182 Posts: 72 Member
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    The more you exercise, the more you will want to. It becomes a little addicting.

    Keep things like cookies out of the house. Replace them with grapes, apples, berries, nuts(in small amounts), and maybe cottage cheese.

    Form the habits and change your lifestyle.

    Don't think of "losing" the weight. Think of disposing of it or getting rid of it. We tend to try to find things we lose.

    Totally agree! the more you go and meet more people the more it will stop feeling like exercise and fun!! :tongue:

    And i def agree with keeping things out of the house... out of sight out of mind! I always do that in work so I don't even get tempted!

    Keep it up and don't lose hope! Think positive and nothing will stop ya! :smile:
  • calamitydown
    calamitydown Posts: 101
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    The way I look at it - who knows how much weight you'll lose unless you try? You never know what pounds will come off unless you experiment. Everyone's body is different. Now, IT IS HARD. Believe me, I binge on food and get lazy with exercise quite frequently...but when I get down and blue, I look at before and after pictures of both myself (from when I started to now) and of others that made the change and have succeeded. Looking at Healthy/Skinny blogs on Tumblr really helps to motivate me and make me realize, "Hey, that girl who started at a heavier weight than me is now SMALLER than me. I can do this!" Coming on the MFP forums also helps, because I guarantee that there are at least 100+ more people feeling the EXACT same way that you are!

    I also keep in mind that every day is just a day. If I do bad one day, so what? I will make a conscious effort tomorrow to be two times better than before.

    And another thing...I know that to us women, the numbers on the scale can be very important in our minds, but we need to get over that. Looking better in person is better than looking better on a piece of metal with batteries. Instead of aiming for 17 lbs, try aiming to lose inches or fit into your next lowest size.

    Sorry for the novel, but you can do this! Add me and message me when you get discouraged if you need a friend :)
  • Tonyap12
    Tonyap12 Posts: 2
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    Hello Afraid of falling- This process takes time. Please do not get discouraged and give up. You will get through this, just be patient. As we all have been taught, Exercise is teh key for maintaining any weight loss gains! Good Luck!
  • Carrie_D
    Carrie_D Posts: 120
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    I need help. I've been on MFP for more than a month now, and I've been steadily losing almost a pound a week. But my goal is to lose 17 pounds between now and Christmas, which is not going to happen at almost a pound a week.

    I'm generally doing well at following my eating plan, but I'm totally failing at exercising. I know I need to exercise to increase my rate of weight loss, to help lose inches, and to generally be in better health. BUT, I'm afraid that even if I exercise regularly, I'm not going to lose weight faster than almost a pound a week. And I need to lose 1.5 pounds per week to meet my goal.

    I like exercise, and I signed up for 2 aerobics classes at my gym, but since I joined MFP, I'm only going like, once every 2 weeks.

    I also love the healthy eating plan, but every time I think about losing 17 pounds by Christmas, I want to eat cookies (which I don't even really like), or I go out for pizza, or I do something else to sabotage and then I'm not happy about it because I recognize what I'm doing, and I hate going so far over my calories for no reason.

    How do you stop sabotaging yourself because you're afraid of trying hard and failing?
    OMGosh!! Are you reading a chapter out of my life's book or what? I am the queen of self sabatoge! Everytime something good starts to happen, my brain gets in the way! I can't even accept a compliment about how well I'm progressing without then going out and eating something stupid! I've even gone so far as to tell my friends and family not to compliment me too often because that is when I fail the worst. I think they thought I was joking, unfortunately I wasn't. When did a compliment become a good excuse to eat a candy bar? That doesn't even make sense!! And then after, I too feel awful.

    I don't know how to stop, but you can bet I will be reading all of these replies to see if I can figure it out!! Good luck with your journey!
  • CrystalMarie253
    CrystalMarie253 Posts: 128
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    Ugh! How frustrating!!! It's easy to eat healthier but it's harder to find the time and effort to work out regularly. I know what you're saying! Several times I fell out of working out and it was so hard to get back into it. I can tell you that if you can find the time and really make yourself stick to working out, in about 2 weeks it gets way easier to maintain. You start to feel guilty about not working out cuz you get used to it. It's also easier to avoid delicious foods like cookies and pizza. I get up every morning before work and run for an hour on my elliptical and then when I look at a cookie or foods like that I think, "Are you reeeally that tastey? Are you worth reversing all the work I just did sweating my butt off on that damn elliptical machine?" And if you can't reach your goal by Christmas, don't freak out. You're losing weight and you're getting healthy and that's awesome. You'll get to your goal if you stick to it. You just have to MAKE yourself do it. The other good thing about working out in the morning is you get it over with and you're done for the rest of the day if you so choose. Good luck!
  • horndave
    horndave Posts: 565
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    Lenbie,
    Comes down to taking responsibility for yourself and making choices. 1.5 a week till Christmas is a lofty goal. If you are willing to make the committment and do what is heathly for you to lose that amount, you more than likely will. The good thing about this website it helps you track exactly what your calories in and calories out should be.

    We all have the perception of what we should weigh and sometimes our perceptions are just not realistic. If xmas comes and you have only lost 10 lbs but are healthier overall will that be such a bad thing.

    Go for it.
  • orchid568
    orchid568 Posts: 20 Member
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    Just believe in yourself that you can do it. When you want to sabotage yourself, try doing some positive self talk. I can do this. If I eat this, I will not reach my goal. I am worth this weight loss. Have someone you can call when you feel like putting that cookie in your mouth. I understand what you are going through. I would not see a weight loss and say what's the point and gorge myself. I was working out for a year before I really started seeing a weight loss. Felt like a total failure. Made my depression worse too. I started using the Wii Plus Fit and worked into exercising slowly. I now work with weights (only 5 pounds), do balance exercises and use the exercise bike for 40 minutes. I'm working on burning more calories in the forty minutes before I increase my time. The big problem, I had to finally admit to myself, was that I love food. All the exercising I did was not going to work until I got my eating under control. Since I really got serious about losing the weight, I have lost 34 pounds. Nineteen has been since I started using MFP. Did not realize that a bite here and a taste there was helping to rack up those calories. And the binging and chocolate! I'm still working on the food problem but getting better. I don't feel like I'm failing as bad as I was. I'm working on that too. As long as you are doing some physical activity everyday, that's what counts. It is hard to get started exercising. Work into it. Try starting with stretch bands. It's amazing what you can do with something as simple as that. One thing leads to another..... I believe in you. You can do it and pretty soon you will have met your goal!!!
  • Gigi_licious
    Gigi_licious Posts: 1,185 Member
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    The things that have helped me are:

    1) Relax. There's no need to rush things.

    2) Don't cut out any food. I am free to eat whatever I want, whenever I want it. Sometimes I hold myself accountable and track the calories, sometimes I don't. The more freedom I give myself, the less I want the "bad" stuff. And even when I do eat the "bad" stuff, it's not in enormous proportions like it was before and the longer I go eating more home cooked "healthier" stuff, the less yummy all the "bad" food tastes when I eat it. Even when I've been craving it for days.

    3) Remember that exercise doesn't have to be this long, drawn out thing. Even just a 15-20 min walk counts.

    4) Don't set x amt of lbs by x date type goals. As long as the scale is moving down, even if it's just .2lbs one week, I'm happy.

    That's what works for me. Some people thrive on setting close to unattainable goals for themselves, it makes them push harder. When I do that, I say F it and don't even try.
  • FitBridget
    FitBridget Posts: 30 Member
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    Thanks for the responses everyone! The encouragement and advice were very helpful. I think what I need (what I got out of this thread) is to forget about the end goal, and focus on everyday goals of eating well and being active.
  • leslielt
    leslielt Posts: 113 Member
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    Why do you want to lose 17 pounds by Christmas?
  • FitBridget
    FitBridget Posts: 30 Member
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    17 pounds gets me to my ideal weight. And Christmas is my goal deadline because I'll be spending two weeks in Italy, where I'm hoping not to gain, but have been told that gaining weight is probably inevitable.

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