need to vent - i have a very critical friend.

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teddypete13
teddypete13 Posts: 18
in Motivation and Support
Hello everyone :)
So I recently decided that I wanted to change my eating habits, NOT go on a diet. So I have just been changing simple things such as not getting bacon in an omelette if i get cheese or replacing a side item (like rice or potatoes) with a salad, veggie or fruit.
Tonight I went to the dining hall (I'm in college) and ordered a burger with broccoli instead of fries like I normally get. Well my friend who always comments on what I eat, orders the fried platter with mozzerella sticks, pizza rolls and pizza logs! And she has the courage to say to me "you know that the burger is bad for you?" uh yeah, i get it. but I didnt eat all fried foods for dinner.
ANYWAY, after dinner, I had one dark chocolate hershey kiss and shes like "what did you just put in your mouth?" I WANTED TO LOSE IT.
Ugh, I'm sorry, but I needed to vent.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? It's so frustrating.
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Replies

  • cantjustcant
    cantjustcant Posts: 1,027 Member
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    YES! Mine is a 110 pound co-worker! She has her two cents to add no matter what I am eating! She eats crap and then says things like one little cookie won't kill you. I also weigh and measure everything I eat. Like tonight I made a fruit and vege platter I went back and part of it is gone! She said I didn't think you would miss all that extra food! SMACK!
  • MissingMyOldSelf
    MissingMyOldSelf Posts: 689 Member
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    I ended up losing a good friend over my weight loss. I put on my FB feed once that I was dying for some chicken wings. The friend, who is about 140lbs, posted, 'DONT YOU DARE! YOU DONT NEED THOSE!" She then proceeded to tell me that I need to concentrate more on my fruits and veggies instead of said chicken wings. For God's sake,... it was just a craving! It really pissed me off because 1) a REAL friend wouldn't act like a food nazi, especially to someone who's already has success doing what they're doing.... which is logging calories, and if eating a damn chicken wing is in my calorie range, this chubby chick is gonna eat it! And 2) The fact that she's never dieted in her life and then thinks she's going to give ME "tips" on how to lose my weight..... well, people like that can piss off. (The nicest way put.) I told her through my post on FB that I did my homework, and that if I got the chicken chunk wrap with no dressing, it was about 600 calories, and with a Bud Select 55, it was another 55 calories. She got pissy with me and said that she was "Shocked" I was so rude about it and that she'd never give her advice or support again.

    Good riddance.

    Plus: another friend of ours that's mutual told her on the same feed that she had no right to comment. (Teehee!!)

    My rule of thumb is that if I've done well for the week, I think I can "splurge" and still be within my calorie range, and it's no one's damn business if I'm having wings, pizza, lasagna, or a friggin beer.... I'm going to eat/drink what I want.
  • MissingMyOldSelf
    MissingMyOldSelf Posts: 689 Member
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    If your friend has asked for your help, why don't you? She obviously wants the help and motivation.
  • paulahm
    paulahm Posts: 2
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    That suxs for you! I hate it when people do that so i dont tell anyone what im doing. Im finding it hard to not eat potatoes of any description at dinner time because my husband ALWAYS has potatoes (mash, chips etc) for tea. I try to make him only eat meat and salad or green vegies but i feel mean. But i really cant stop myself from eating them when they are right in front of me! AAAGGGHHH
  • teddypete13
    teddypete13 Posts: 18
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    I really don't like whe she comments on what I eat because I am self-concious of myself already. I know whether what I am eating is bad or good for me. Its my decision because it's my body.
    But it really pisses me the hell off...
  • MissingMyOldSelf
    MissingMyOldSelf Posts: 689 Member
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    We all don't feel right commenting on what others are eating....

    ..well... at least those of us with consciences don't.

    My friend and I here at work have started this weight loss journey together.... and at least once a week, one of us will make extra of whatever we've made for lunch and bring it in for the other to try. Like tomorrow.... I'm doing the Skinny Taste Spaghetti Squash Lasagna. It's things like that (the little gestures) that keep us both in line on our calories, and keep each other motivated. Neither of us talk about our calories, unless it's brought up by the person with a question....

    I wish people would treat weight issues like religion or politics.... you don't talk about it unless you're in a previous agreement of what you can and can't talk about.
  • cownancy
    cownancy Posts: 291
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    When I decided to do the weight loss surgery, I sat down with family and friends and told them that I needed their positive support and then explained that I mean, "you can do it" is a good example, NOT telling me what to eat, when to eat, how to eat and what NOT to eat!! I said very bluntly that I am going to be listening to my DOCTOR and my NUTRITIONIST and I have to learn to be responsible for my eating and health. If they care about me and my health, they will listen to me. They can ask ANY questions, but I am NOT looking for criticism or patrolling of my behavior.

    Sure, sometimes there are slips, but usually it's OK. Sometimes I will talk it over with them and then I ask them for their input. When someone wasn't clued in and does say something, I explain that I have been following a very specific plan and will speak up and tell them that their info is NOT helpful. LOL.

    It is really upsetting when anyone decides that it is up to them to know what is best for me when not asked. That is why I try not to co mment on food diaries unless it is reallllllly bad.
  • clarech82
    clarech82 Posts: 244 Member
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    Yes I have this problem too my other half is always commenting on what I eat he says he's just trying to help juror just winds me up. He's usually eating some sort of Crap at the time plus he's 330lb so its a bit odd to be honest
  • dorisholaway
    dorisholaway Posts: 531 Member
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    One of my managers and another co worker like to tell me "you don't need that" or "that is not on your diet". I just tell them that this is my body and my food and it is only myself that I will hurt if I eat it, not there body or self. But it is so irriatating to me still. They are both skinny and I really don't like to hear their oppinions.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    If she's really your friend, then I don't see anything wrong with a nice calm conversation about the unnecessary comments and how you don't appreciate or need them. You know what you're doing and would rather not have her input. I know confrontation can be tough but she's obviously not shy about sharing her feelings, why should you be?!

    Or, next time she's got fried crap and you've got a perfectly reasonable meal - come right back at her and say "oh yeah, like you're one to talk!".

    Or, explain to her how your burger's really not that bad - it's a good mix of carbs and protein (or well within your allowable calories, however you want to put it) and the broccoli is far better than the fries you used to have.

    Either way, stop clamming up and taking her crap!!! Stand up for yourself!!! (((hugs)))
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    Hello everyone :)
    So I recently decided that I wanted to change my eating habits, NOT go on a diet. So I have just been changing simple things such as not getting bacon in an omelette if i get cheese or replacing a side item (like rice or potatoes) with a salad, veggie or fruit.
    Tonight I went to the dining hall (I'm in college) and ordered a burger with broccoli instead of fries like I normally get. Well my friend who always comments on what I eat, orders the fried platter with mozzerella sticks, pizza rolls and pizza logs! And she has the courage to say to me "you know that the burger is bad for you?" uh yeah, i get it. but I didnt eat all fried foods for dinner.
    ANYWAY, after dinner, I had one dark chocolate hershey kiss and shes like "what did you just put in your mouth?" I WANTED TO LOSE IT.
    Ugh, I'm sorry, but I needed to vent.
    Has anyone else experienced something like this? It's so frustrating.

    This, unfortunately is a pretty common occurance. The important thing for you to do is try to determine if the comments are with good intentions or not. People often make insensitive remarks not because they're actively trying to hurt someone's feelings, but because they didn't fully think their comments through. It's hard to do given that it bothers you as it does, but if they are being said with good intentions tell the person to back off and explain why. If you think they're not...well tell the person to back off anyway. It's easy to snap back with a snide remark or something, but that won't get you anything. I think taking the higher road is preferable myself. It'll make you feel better in the long run.


    Then again, I got suspended in high school more times than I could count for fighting kids that used to make fun of me and to this day I don't regret it. So yeah, I'm a hypocrite, sue me.

    Whatever you decide to do, don't let stupid comments from one person keep you from making the improvements in your life you want.
  • teddypete13
    teddypete13 Posts: 18
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    One of my managers and another co worker like to tell me "you don't need that" or "that is not on your diet". I just tell them that this is my body and my food and it is only myself that I will hurt if I eat it, not there body or self. But it is so irriatating to me still. They are both skinny and I really don't like to hear their oppinions.

    That's exactly how I feel. I told her earlier today that it's my body, I chose what goes and therefore, I deal with the consequences whether they be good or bad.
  • medoria
    medoria Posts: 673 Member
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    She obviously says things like that cuz she knows it will get to you so the question is why do you let her?
  • teddypete13
    teddypete13 Posts: 18
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    Thanks, guys. It's really irritating so I am going to talk to her today. I was thinking about it, and I bet she is just trying to support me, but not in the way I want her to, if that makes any sense. I just need to ask her to keep negative comments to herself because I am well aware of what I am doing.
    :)
  • runlorirun
    runlorirun Posts: 389
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    Turn it around on her. Just kidding! My daughter is in college and has a friend just like that. My daughter finally gained her 'freshman' 15 (it did take her 3 years to do it though..lol) and she's been changing her eating habits and started running again. This friend of hers will have two cheeseburgers, fries and a full sugar soda while my daughter picks a salad, pasta(half of which she puts in an extra container for lunch in her room the next day) with extra veggies and water. The friend will then ask her if she knows how bad pasta is for her, while she's wiping the grease from her fries off her fingers...lol

    I had a friend like that too, not the word HAD! She was/still is very critical about everything. Finally I cut ties with her, it was the best move I ever made. I told her that I didn't feel like she was being as helpful as she though she was in all the negative remarks. She didn't see anything wrong with how she talks to and about people. I saw her in the grocery store the other day and she comes over and says "I see you are still fat" Really! I haven't seen or spoken to you in over a year and that's what you say? So I replied "Yes, thank you for noticing." and walked away. It just confirmed my reason for ending our friendship, she was a toxic friend.
  • TerryBeeBee
    TerryBeeBee Posts: 21
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    A memo to my doubters!

    I see you giggling when I walk by with my salad. I hear you whispering when I take my lunch time walk. I know you think I'm just another fat person trying another fad diet.

    I know you think I won't succeed. But I'm here to tell you that you are wrong. I'm dedicated, committed, driven and determined.

    I'm mentellay tough!
    I'm physically capable!
    I WILL defeat this!

    www. healthyfitfamilies.com

    Just saying... :smile:
  • xyzena
    xyzena Posts: 18 Member
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    Tell her it's your body, not hers. If she has any comments or concerns she can have a great conversation with her *kitten* once the fried food she eats catches up to it. ;)

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