For those of you who have suffered from eating disorders

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oftheearth
oftheearth Posts: 104 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Something I heard, just want to bring it up and hear people's thoughts on it...
A couple years ago, in class, we had a speaker who said that, on average, it takes twice as long as one suffered from an eating disorder to get over the "eating disorder mindset". And that doesn't stop until someone is better, obviously.
I was bulimic and EDNOS from age 12 to 18. Six years (although I have had short periods of relapse, I consider myself to be ED-Free since 2008) - by her figures, that means I will be THIRTY when I stop thinking like this?
It's was a bummer, hearing that. Because sometimes it's really, really bad....I will go into more detail in a reply post, but I wanted to open this topic up for discussion first.

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  • oftheearth
    oftheearth Posts: 104 Member
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    I fixed my habits, methods, attitudes, and ambitions, but I still look in the mirror (real or imagined) and see myself as fat, everyday. Most days, I don’t think this way ALL day. Most days, it does not completely ruin my day. But even if it’s “not that bad”, it’s not okay. I have self worth. I know I don’t deserve to feel this way. And yet I do. I still feel that I’m fat and I mean FAT. Sometimes I see people that are significantly overweight and I find myself identifying with them. That’s not right. I’m 5 foot 2 and 114. I’m ready to stop judging my body so negatively. But I’ve been ready, I stopped hating myself what seems like ages ago, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to stop. I can’t put on any piece of clothing I own without being upset…I don’t even know how it works, because I LOVE MY BODY. I LOVE MY BODY and I am able to acknowledge this when I’m feeling awful about it, but I just can’t take myself seriously or something. I trump myself.
  • sarah44254
    sarah44254 Posts: 3,078 Member
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    I can believe it takes quite a long time. I had the worst bits of my disorder in the last few years of high school (2001-2004). I'm going to guess I finally 'recovered' at around end year 2005, when I started wishing I had money for food instead of avoiding food in the first place.

    so that is about 4 years of it.. and it has been 6 years since I last remember doing that whole bulimia thing.

    I hate to say this, but I still struggle so badly with it. I tell myself 'eat when you are hungry!' and binge like a fiend. Or then I make believe I am not hungry at all and don't eat that day. I can still feel it at the edge of my thoughts.

    Each day I am trying my best to avoid undereating and consciously telling myself positive things about food. According to what you heard, I guess I have about 2 more years of this. Then maybe I can be free :)
  • Lady_Layla
    Lady_Layla Posts: 33 Member
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    There is no formula for determining when you may or may not stop thinking about this.

    I, too, have been afflicted by bulimia, as well as anorexia, and I've got to be honest, I still "think about it" from time to time. But, I have found that Yoga, Hypnosis and having a firm spiritual foundation helps me to manage it.

    I don't obsess over it. I just live my life one day at a time. Isn't that all any of us can do?

    (((HUGS)))

    :-)
  • sykin
    sykin Posts: 1,676 Member
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    I hadn't heard those statistics. I heard that if you have an ED, you will struggle with it for the rest of your life. I was self diagnosed anorexic when I was a teenager for roughly a year and a half. Not a long time, I know, but it was enough. I felt the same way you did - fat no matter how I looked. I was 5'5" and 108 pounds and complaining that I couldn't wear a two piece bathing suit because of my fat. I look back at those pictures and WISH I could look that good again (though with a little more meat on my bones - that was TOO skinny). I still go through spurts where I think it would be so much easier to just skip a meal or two a day to lose the weight, but I know that's not going to keep the weight off. When my husband found out (then boyfriend) I wasn't eating, he helped me through it. I gained 40 pounds the first year of our relationship. Another 40 over the next 4 years. I was not healthy. I have gone up and down so many times, it's not even funny. The difference this time is I'm working toward my goal at a slow and steady pace. I'm not skipping meals anymore. I'm not justifying being unhealthy any longer.

    I don't like the way I look now most of the time, but every once in a while I catch a glimpse of the slimmer me and go "wow, I'm looking good today!". I don't know when I'll be happy with the way I look, but I'm hoping I'm much happier once I'm a smaller size again.
  • Deckershann
    Deckershann Posts: 272 Member
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    Wow that was depressing to hear...I still struggle with an ED and have since I was 14.

    I think what keeps me going is thinking about all the people who love and care about me. I have to keep trying to get better. Some people have berated me for "trying" instead of just straight up stopping, but I feel like as long as I'm trying, I'm making progress.

    *Hugs*
  • mangledspoon
    mangledspoon Posts: 31 Member
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    I don't know what to think of that. I only had (the worst of it) my eating disorder (anorexia) for about eight or nine months (eight or nine months is long enough!!!!!!) until my boyfriend at the time forced me to pull my head in or he'd break up with me... he broke up with me anyway and then I began the binge eating... that lasted probably another year, and I consider myself sort of healthy now in that I eat properly and exercise at a normal rate (not too much), but I still have obsessive thoughts ALL THE TIME about food, exercise, being fat...

    I don't know if it ever truly goes away :(
  • Leslie4834
    Leslie4834 Posts: 111 Member
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    Hello,
    I'm nineteen years old I just joined myfitnesspal about a year ago, I have been a bulimic for about three years, It started all back in high school. I did not wake up one day and say hey lets go throw up, I cant tell you when I started or where I was the first time it happened. I still a bulimic to this day no I have never been to treatment if that is what you are wonder but I took the first step today I told my family. I used to be heavier than this i was about fifty pounds heaver. It's like a drug I cant stop, I know it wrong of me and bad of me to do this, but I cant help it. I tried stopping on my own and I would do ok until I gained some weigh than freak out and I never wanted to not throw up ever again. So I know what you all feel like and its a horrible disease and a vicious cycle. Right now I throw up between eight to ten times a day. I throw up all of my food plus drinks through all of the day. So when I read this this makes me feel horrible because I feel like I will be like this for the rest of my life and all i really want to be is normal and beautiful. ok thank you for listening , bye.
  • oftheearth
    oftheearth Posts: 104 Member
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    Hello,
    I'm nineteen years old I just joined myfitnesspal about a year ago, I have been a bulimic for about three years, It started all back in high school. I did not wake up one day and say hey lets go throw up, I cant tell you when I started or where I was the first time it happened. I still a bulimic to this day no I have never been to treatment if that is what you are wonder but I took the first step today I told my family. I used to be heavier than this i was about fifty pounds heaver. It's like a drug I cant stop, I know it wrong of me and bad of me to do this, but I cant help it. I tried stopping on my own and I would do ok until I gained some weigh than freak out and I never wanted to not throw up ever again. So I know what you all feel like and its a horrible disease and a vicious cycle. Right now I throw up between eight to ten times a day. I throw up all of my food plus drinks through all of the day. So when I read this this makes me feel horrible because I feel like I will be like this for the rest of my life and all i really want to be is normal and beautiful. ok thank you for listening , bye.

    I am so proud of you for telling your family. My main tool for recovery was counseling. I weighed my heaviest (by far) when I was throwing up as much as you are now. Things can get better! I feel infinitely better than I did when I was suffering! And, I do believe I am getting better all the time, it just seems to be a slow process.
  • oftheearth
    oftheearth Posts: 104 Member
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    Also - it really is like a drug, because the act of throwing up, when you are bulimic, releases feel-good chemicals into your brain.
  • emmab0902
    emmab0902 Posts: 2,337 Member
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    Don't be imprisoned by statistics - 97% of statistics are made up (or was that 95%). They also say it takes one month for every year you are married to get over a divorce and I am living proof that isn't true! :-)
  • oftheearth
    oftheearth Posts: 104 Member
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    Don't be imprisoned by statistics - 97% of statistics are made up (or was that 95%). They also say it takes one month for every year you are married to get over a divorce and I am living proof that isn't true! :-)

    Hah, yeah thanks, I don't feel imprisoned by statistics, not even this one...much of what I am learning in school is statistics that need to be taken simply for what they are. I have never heard that statistic on divorce.

    This woman who spoke to our class was aware this was only a statistic, but she herself once suffered from an eating disorder and now works with those in recovery. (I know she was not using it as a "scare-tactic" or something is what I mean to say). I am mainly looking for insight from those who have suffered from an eating disorder and, according to this formula, would now be completely rid of the mindset. I did receive a PM from someone who fits this description, and they said this has not exactly been the case for them.
  • mearadw
    mearadw Posts: 11
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    Leslie4834, your post broke my heart a little. It brought back the hell I was in years ago, when I really believed I might never break free of the bulimia. I was throwing up several times a day, every day, too. Those were some dark years. I was very depressed then, though I didn't even realize it because I was so obsessed with my weight and food, etc.

    But I'm also here to tell you: it can definitely get better. It wasn't a linear process--I relapsed several times and it took a long time to really trust myself around food again. But I can tell you that I did get there! I've struggled with gaining weight over the past few years, but overall, I have a pretty normal, healthy relationship with food and my body now. Don't give up hope!
  • sarah307
    sarah307 Posts: 1,363 Member
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    Just because that is "statistics" or whatever she got that from.. doesn't mean it has to be YOU.

    but i can identify how you are feeling.. i feel like some of the things you said, were my own words.. I am so glad that you love your body and yourself and know that you are worth it and know your life is worth living in a healthy way :)

    I have struggled with disordered eating since age 10... that'll be almost 11 years now. Sometimes I think "Wow, so many thoughts wasted on thinking the same way... " But I also try to remember how far I have come. I know that I am worth living my life in a healthy way.. and you know that you are worth it too! I think about certain things that were worse before... that are better now.. and that makes me glad.

    My quote on my profile is "Strive for progress, not perfection" .. I put that on there to remember that it's okay to mess up. It's okay to not try to be "perfect" and in the long run... we are better off TODAY than we were YESTERDAY (and every day before that...)

    Bottom line, even though it seems like a never ending recovery.. you will always be able to look back at your progress and be glad you made the right decisions for your life. Keep making the right decisions and you got this :D
  • dontletmegetme
    dontletmegetme Posts: 35
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    I don't really believe the statistics, but recovery is going to take a significant amount of time. After all, you didn't become sick overnight, so you can't completely recover in one day like nothing ever happened, right? I've only been actively trying to recover since January of this year, but I spent two years being sick, and I'm headed more towards a relapse at the moment. I think as long as you're ready for recovery, it will happen. I'm just not ready yet.

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