My mom is confusing me....

juggalotus
juggalotus Posts: 227
edited October 3 in Motivation and Support
So when I came home from my shopping day today, I excitedly told my mom that I am down 33 lbs as of yesterady. She congratulated me and told me to keep it up. I thanked her and started to walk into my room when she was like "you know....for someone your height, you're supposed to be about 130 lbs" She said it all seriously and everything. I told her I don't want to be 130 pounds. I have never weighed that since I have been a teenager. I was more than 130 LBS in middle school I'm sure. My skinniest weight was 150 Senior year in high school.

I told my mom that I wanted to be about 150-160 ish and she said that was too much and that I was supposed to be around 130 LBS. She said if I weighed 150 lbs, my BMI would still be too high. And it's honestly not that high....It's right between healthy and overweight. I like having curves, I honestly don't want to be skinny! I feel like 130 LBS is too skinny (for me at least). After I told her that, she was just like "well, you're just used to being overweight, so it seems skinny"...My mom weighs less than 130 and I think she's WAY to skinny! Then she will call me anal because I measure EVERYTHING and scan EVERYTHING into my diary. She says I don't need to do that to lose weight. But yet, I know if I didn't do it, I wouldn't be successful.

Her saying all that stuff kind of made me mad today...it's like....I know she's happy that I am losing weight but why does she have to say something like that? Made me feel like my goals aren't appropriate. 100 LBS is a huge goal! Why can't she see that?

Replies

  • Krisengel
    Krisengel Posts: 161 Member
    I'm sorry she can't be a better support system for you. You are the only one who knows your body. Try to block out her negative comments and just embrace the supportive ones. Good luck! Congrats on the weight loss, by the way!
  • darrcn5
    darrcn5 Posts: 495 Member
    She kind of has a point, in a way. So many people are overweight, when we see someone who is a healthy weight, we tend to think they are too skinny when in reality they are at a healthy weight. I get what she is saying, but she could have been nicer about how she said it. It's your goal; you should weigh what makes you happy! Sorry she isn't completely supporting you in your endeavor.
  • jenfactor
    jenfactor Posts: 124
    I don't know why mothers are the best people to get under our skin! Keep up doing what you're doing--you know your body best and it's YOUR goal!!
  • mccgivens
    mccgivens Posts: 91
    Do what you do, Girl. If it works for you, then stick with it. Try not to let others get into your head. I am like you, if I don't measure or log it, I fail. Keep on going, you're doing fine. :smile:
  • runlorirun
    runlorirun Posts: 389
    Kind of a rain on your parade! I hate it when people think they are being helpful but really are not. You need to be comfortable in your skin, if that is at 150 then 150 it is.

    I am very happy for your 33 lbs lost! That is totally AWESOME :happy:
  • blarics11
    blarics11 Posts: 88
    I'm sorry she can't be a better support system for you. You are the only one who knows your body. Try to block out her negative comments and just embrace the supportive ones. Good luck! Congrats on the weight loss, by the way!

    She said it perfectly! Remember you are doing this for yourself so you can be healthy and happy!
  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
    It's hard when you feel the pressure of other people's expectations. Once you get to your goal, you may change your mind about what is a good weight for you - but in the meantime, 100lbs is a massive goal (it's mine too!!)

    Keep at it, you can do it. Concentrate not only on the lbs, but the way your body looks. If you're going for a bit of 'tone' or muscle definition, you're going to weigh more than if you're just going for thin anyway.

    Congratulations on your loss so far - you're almost halfway there!!
  • tmg1323
    tmg1323 Posts: 14 Member
    Being comfortable in your own skin is what is most important. :)
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
    Your mother is NOT necessarily a good source of medical advice OR body image advice--unless she's a doctor, a nutritionist, or a professional weight loss counselor.

    Do your own research; stick to your own conclusions; smile and say "I love you, mom!" when she tells you otherwise; and then (and here's the kicker) BE ABSOLUTELY HAPPY WITH WHO YOU ARE!!!!! [After all, that's what Moms really want when it comes right down to it]
  • kaetmarie
    kaetmarie Posts: 668 Member
    Just don't let it discourage you from working towards your goal! You've done a great job so far and you know what is best for YOUR body :) Congrats!!
  • tabik30
    tabik30 Posts: 443
    Im so sorry, maybe you should avoid the subject with her so she doesn't confuse you and just talk to people on here that understand what it's like to be overweight and the struggles. ))hugs((

    PS I figure if we eat healthy and exercise our bodies will decide on their own what they should weigh:wink:
  • skye15
    skye15 Posts: 19 Member
    Ah..Oh Moms.. Mine told me in elementary school I was fat..when really I was at a normal weight. She is always the first to remind me if I have been looking a little chunky lol. Important thing is you know your body better then she does, you know what feels right and HEALTHY so stick with it. Being healthy is much better then being skinny and good for you for knowing that! I am sure she says these things because she loves and cares about you (even if what she says its kinda of like WTF mom? ;) ) Just keep at it and way to go for losing 33 pounds! HUGE accomplishment!!
  • zingeber
    zingeber Posts: 124 Member
    First, congratulations on your weight loss already! 33 lbs is a great achievement! In the end, you are the one who is living in your body. The most important thing is for you to be happy and healthy. My mom still gives me advice on what my goal weight should be, and it's always too low for my body type, so I feel your pain. Next time you have a doctor's appointment, run it by your doctor and see what s/he thinks. Give yourself time to achieve your goals and learn to live in your "new" body comfortably. I'm so sorry your mom wasn't able to be more tactful. Good luck!
  • CaoimheAine
    CaoimheAine Posts: 195
    My Mum is totally the same. I just don't tell her any of my business. She always called me fat and other names when I was younger and the truth is i was SKINNY! I didn't even realise it. The fact she kept pressurising me to lose weight made me gain (about 15kg) over the past few years just by ignoring everything around me because of her words and thoughts about me. She still looks at me like she's analysing my body still. I ALWAYS argue with her and tell her Im doing this for ME not you, I dont care what you think about me BACK OFF. She never listens to me or understands but Im so much stronger as a person for having to deal with her all of my live and I couldn't care less anymore. Your mum may be a bit more understanding... Sometimes its not always about the weight - You could get down to 130pounds and still not be satisfied. Do what's right for you and never lose faith in yourself :) xxx
  • HannahWhitfield7
    HannahWhitfield7 Posts: 24
    Firstly Congratulations on losing 33 pounds so far!! Thats a great accomplishment!
    Try not to let your mums or any other persons comments dishearten you while your on this journey - you will know how far you want to push your body and what weight feels best for you when you reach it :)
    100lbs is a huge goal! Go for it :)
  • LMorrison1009
    LMorrison1009 Posts: 114 Member
    Ugh! I feel for you. I'm sorry you're going through this. At the end of the day, its your journey. You have to decide the best way to lose weight for yourself, and you have to decide what ultimate goal will make you happy. Maybe you can try to have a heart to heart with her and tell her how you're feeling. Maybe lay down some ground rules? I have supportive people in my life, but I keep my ultimate goals to myself, for the most part. I've been fat my whole life. I was a size 14 my freshman year of high school. When I tell people my goal is to lose 110 pounds, they usually say I'll look too thin... And when I tell them it will still leave me at 175 pounds, they say that its still not a healthy bmi. Mixed messages much? For me, and it may be the same way for you, I think its because of 2 reasons. I carry my weight well. No one believed my starting weight was 285. No one. Even the nurse at my Dr. Office asked me to use a different scale because she thought the first one was broken. And second, I have never been small. I've been fat forever. So I think people think I should always be fat. Maybe less fat. But still fat. And in the end, I am the one on this journey. I decide what my goals are. I decide on the methods I use to reach those goals. And I decide when I'm satisfied that enough is enough. I'm top heavy, and I like curves. I would like to wear a size 12 and I'll be happy. Some people start here at that size... But that's where I want to be and if people don't like it they can pound sand.
  • juggalotus
    juggalotus Posts: 227
    My Mum is totally the same. I just don't tell her any of my business. She always called me fat and other names when I was younger and the truth is i was SKINNY! I didn't even realise it. The fact she kept pressurising me to lose weight made me gain (about 15kg) over the past few years just by ignoring everything around me because of her words and thoughts about me. She still looks at me like she's analysing my body still. I ALWAYS argue with her and tell her Im doing this for ME not you, I dont care what you think about me BACK OFF. She never listens to me or understands but Im so much stronger as a person for having to deal with her all of my live and I couldn't care less anymore. Your mum may be a bit more understanding... Sometimes its not always about the weight - You could get down to 130pounds and still not be satisfied. Do what's right for you and never lose faith in yourself :) xxx

    Omg! My mom was the same way when I was growing up! I have been overweight my whole life and she ALWAYS tried to get me to diet and lose weight. But when I look back on pictures i want to cry because I realized how good i looked back then. 150 pounds is NOT fat! (On my body anyway) I totally understand what you're talking about and I often feel like her constantly pressuring me to lose weight when I did not need to, caused my 100+ weight gain over the last 6 years.....
  • MIMITIME
    MIMITIME Posts: 405 Member
    Sometimes mothers are wrong and today, your mother was wrong with what she said. If your mother has always been thin, she has no clue how hard it is to lose weight. You have done a fantastic job losing 33 pounds. Your mother should be telling you what a wonderdul job you have done instead of telling you that you need to do more. If she does it again, maybe you should ask her why she does this. She may not even realize she is doing it. Great Job - Good Luck
  • Logansmom2011
    Logansmom2011 Posts: 81 Member
    my mom has always been obsessive when its come to my weight,main reason I have body issues.People say it probably has to do with her being korean and the asian cultures idea of perfect or something of that nature.When I got down to 160 2 yrs ago and was really proud of how I looked and for once was happy with my body,I made the mistake of asking my mom if she finally thought I looked great and was proud of me,she said you look good but you could still lose 20 more lbs and get rid of your belly,which was actually pretty close to flat at that point.Even though I'm only about 5'6 on a good day:happy: so I tell myself,I always carried my weight well,so at 160 I looked average weight for someone my height.Well since she is 5' 110 lbs soaking wet and still thinks she could lose 5 lbs,I thought no matter how small I got it wouldn't be good enough for her.This time around instead of losing weight to finally get her approval I'm doing this for myself and to finally be happy with myself,no matter what back handed comment she throws my way,I will know I am finally happy and won't let it affect me.You need to do what makes you happy and get to a weight that is good for you.Maybe your mom means well but doesn't know how to say it in a non offensive and discouraging way,but you will be the one that has to live in your body not her.Keep your head up,you are doing great!
  • juggalotus
    juggalotus Posts: 227
    Ugh! I feel for you. I'm sorry you're going through this. At the end of the day, its your journey. You have to decide the best way to lose weight for yourself, and you have to decide what ultimate goal will make you happy. Maybe you can try to have a heart to heart with her and tell her how you're feeling. Maybe lay down some ground rules? I have supportive people in my life, but I keep my ultimate goals to myself, for the most part. I've been fat my whole life. I was a size 14 my freshman year of high school. When I tell people my goal is to lose 110 pounds, they usually say I'll look too thin... And when I tell them it will still leave me at 175 pounds, they say that its still not a healthy bmi. Mixed messages much? For me, and it may be the same way for you, I think its because of 2 reasons. I carry my weight well. No one believed my starting weight was 285. No one. Even the nurse at my Dr. Office asked me to use a different scale because she thought the first one was broken. And second, I have never been small. I've been fat forever. So I think people think I should always be fat. Maybe less fat. But still fat. And in the end, I am the one on this journey. I decide what my goals are. I decide on the methods I use to reach those goals. And I decide when I'm satisfied that enough is enough. I'm top heavy, and I like curves. I would like to wear a size 12 and I'll be happy. Some people start here at that size... But that's where I want to be and if people don't like it they can pound sand.

    Thank you for the thoughtful response. I have a ton of supportive people that in my life. You MFP'ers included!! :) I also carry my weight very well. It's all in my boobs. My friend's jaw dropped when I told her my starting weight was 276. She refused to believe me. She still doesn't believe that my current weight is 242.6 LBS. I'm glad you hold your weight well, don't ya love it? lol :) Since all my weight is in my stomach and boobs, I can hide it fairly well. My legs are skinny compared to my stomach and chest. But what are ya gonna do. lol....I would love to be a size 10 or 12. That would be awesome. I was a size 10/11 at my smallest and that's what I felt comfortable at, so that's what I am aiming for again. Good luck in your journey!!! :) I know you can do it
  • vwbug86
    vwbug86 Posts: 283 Member
    First of BMI is full of crap I could have 0% body fat and still be a healthy weight according to my BMI. I have boobs and they are not going anywhere. It does not account for muscle mass, bone density, or gender.

    Second you do what is comfortable for you. If you love your curves then you rock them. Don't let your mom put you down.
  • juggalotus
    juggalotus Posts: 227
    Sometimes mothers are wrong and today, your mother was wrong with what she said. If your mother has always been thin, she has no clue how hard it is to lose weight. You have done a fantastic job losing 33 pounds. Your mother should be telling you what a wonderdul job you have done instead of telling you that you need to do more. If she does it again, maybe you should ask her why she does this. She may not even realize she is doing it. Great Job - Good Luck

    Actually, my mom lost 50 lbs a long time ago. So she does know what it's like to be overweight. But she was never my size...I can't believe I'm actually doing this...that should be enough for her because I never even stuck to a diet more than a week in my past...
  • FitToBeFab
    FitToBeFab Posts: 537 Member
    Sometimes moms just don't get it! Mine said a similar thing to me in high school. I was really unhappy with my weight so I recorded everything I ate and joined a rugby team for exercise. I dropped about twenty pounds and was able to fit into my sister's junior prom dress in time for my prom. Instead of being excited, my mom said "Hm, it would probably look better if you dropped another ten pounds." What really got me, is that my mom is not skinny!

    Your goals are set for YOU not your mom, remember that.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,031 Member
    This is easy..............................it's because EVERY parent believes they know more than their grown up kid.
  • bmqbonnie
    bmqbonnie Posts: 836 Member
    Meh, get to 150-160 and see how you feel. Maybe you'll decide you're done or maybe you'll decide to lose a little more after all. Everybody's different.

    My parents would say I looked good, ask what I weighed, and then gasp and say I weighed too much. lol. Just do your thing. It's just a number.
  • LMDelphia
    LMDelphia Posts: 19
    Mothers have a special way of getting under our skin. They always think that they are helping you, even if its through tough love, but it just so happens that some send tough without the love. Obviously, many of us understand, and 33 lbs is terrific! Keep at it and get what you want from yourself! That's a major achievement and still is getting better with each day.
    I used to be incredibly thin, through not eating much. I was seventeen to nineteen and counted obsessively without really knowing that I was mistaken in counting, therefore always going under 1,000. My mother always defended me even though it was pretty obvious what was going on, and I thought that I was so lucky that she stood up for me to my dad. My mistakes are mine to make, I get it, but now I'm healthy. I teach spin class twice a week, so I am not a tiny girl. My legs are stacked and I am a far cry from thin. It's not easy going from extremes, and it will still take me a long time to get to a good place where I feel good about myself.
    So it's not easy to hear my mother say 'maybe you shouldn't teach spin. you don't want man thighs, do you?'. No, I don't thanks, but I have to do this for myself so that I finally feel like I am worthy of myself. You should too.
  • Luckiestmomever
    Luckiestmomever Posts: 44 Member
    Mothers have a special way of getting under our skin. They always think that they are helping you, even if its through tough love, but it just so happens that some send tough without the love. Obviously, many of us understand, and 33 lbs is terrific! Keep at it and get what you want from yourself! That's a major achievement and still is getting better with each day.
    I have to do this for myself so that I finally feel like I am worthy of myself. You should too.

    I agree with this poster. Moms have a special way of getting to us. I could prolly blame most of my crap on mine and be partially right. But that won't help solve a dang thing. I have learned that I can't change anyone, I have to just accept them for who they are. Once I realized that these things were not my fault and that I could ignore it, I felt empowered. Hopefully you will too! Best of luck, you are doing a GREAT job!!
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