Sabotage? *rant*
shawnscott5
Posts: 295 Member
Tell me, do any of you have a friend and/or family member who you feel is trying to sabaotage you? Mine is my soon to be mother in law (will be my husband's step mom). I have a schedule that I follow everyday. I run a home of 7 people and that is not an easy task. Plus getting my workouts in, children coming home from school all at different times, and starting my own business adventure. It never fails, she will call while I am right in the middle of my workout, or something. If I don't answer the cell phone, she calls the house phone. And she will call every half hour until I either answer the phone, or until she goes to bed for the night, which ever comes first. Since I didn't take her phone calls yesterday or this morning, she drove 45 minutes and just walked right in my house with a lit ciggarette. We have NEVER smoked in the house, and I just gave those up 3 days ago. She is a very negative person, and I think she just doesn't want me to succede.
I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I have been assertive with the times and days that I am able to visit on the phone with her. She just will not listen. Any suggestions?
I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I have been assertive with the times and days that I am able to visit on the phone with her. She just will not listen. Any suggestions?
0
Replies
-
I think you're right, she wants you to fail. Maybe she doesn't want you to be a strong person because she feels incapable herself?? Consider your source and keep your eyes on the prize!! Hang in there!!0
-
Put your phone on vibrate and change your locks .... seriously though, I would have a talk with her and your husband. There need to be boundaries. Regardless of what you are doing, that is too much! Maybe do a preemptive strike and call her? IDK, but good luck! Don't let it discourage you from your goals!!0
-
Lock the door and don't answer!
I would flat out tell her that you can't take her calls until after a set time. That would give you enough time to get your workout in, thus minimizing the amount of time0 -
1. I would tell her next time she calls "Sorry, I am/was in the middle of a workout. I work out between 3 p.m. and 4 p.m., so if you call and I don't answer the phone, you know why." (If you're feeling really brave, say "If you ever want to join me for a workout, let me know! I think it'd be fun to have a workout partner!")
2. When she comes in to your house with a cigarette in hand/mouth, you say "Oh, sorry, I don't think I ever told you, and I apologize for being so forgetful, that this is now a no-smoking house. You're welcome to smoke here (insert designated smoking area)."
If she gets huffy and doesn't call you, then consider it a win, because now you'll get uninterrupted workouts.
If she gets huffy about your smoking rule, just tell her "Sorry, it's just that I'm really paranoid about getting cancer. I mean, it's your life and I don't judge you if you want to smoke. That's just me." (I sometimes add how many people in my family have died from cancer and talk about lessening the risk.)0 -
Love this!1. I would tell her next time she calls "Sorry, I am/was in the middle of a workout. I work out between 3 p.m. and 4 p.m., so if you call and I don't answer the phone, you know why." (If you're feeling really brave, say "If you ever want to join me for a workout, let me know! I think it'd be fun to have a workout partner!")
2. When she comes in to your house with a cigarette in hand/mouth, you say "Oh, sorry, I don't think I ever told you, and I apologize for being so forgetful, that this is a no-smoking house. You're welcome to smoke here (insert designated smoking area)."
If she gets huffy and doesn't call you, then consider it a win, because now you'll get uninterrupted workouts.
If she gets huffy about your smoking rule, just tell her "Sorry, it's just that I'm really paranoid about getting cancer. I mean, it's your life and I don't judge you if you want to smoke. That's just me." (I sometimes add how many people in my family have died from cancer and talk about lessening the risk.)0 -
First tell her that she has only one last chance to figure it out & if she doesn't you will take drastic measures. Explain to her that she can not under any circumstances act as though it is her house. Ask her why her life sucks so much that she feels she has to run your life!
Turn the ringer off on your phone while working out & listen to music so you can't hear the house phone.
Lock the door if you don't want her coming in unannounced & if she has a key, change the locks!
Take a stand! I've had to do similar things & once they realize that your not messing around they will take you seriously. The main reason she does all of this is probably because she doesn't respect you. You are marrying her son, not her. Get your husband to be involved as a last resort & only if everything else fails.
In the end, you might need to tell her to mind her own business! I know it sounds harsh, but it is what needs to be done. Good luck!
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter0 -
Lock the door and don't answer!
I would flat out tell her that you can't take her calls until after a set time. That would give you enough time to get your workout in, thus minimizing the amount of time
I have given her set times and set days, yet she starts with the phone calls at 7:45 am everyday. We have talked to her, she just does not care about what boundries we have set.0 -
Change your number, and don't give it to her until she proves she can behave like an adult.0
-
I always feel like people are trying to sabotage my workouts.
They call or need something when I'm getting ready to go lift.
So i understand your frustration0 -
Thanks for all your input, unfortunatly I cannot turn off the phones because if one of the school's call with an emergency for one of my children. I have given her set times and days to talk. She is coming into this family that has been established, and is coming in as a step mom. They plan to marry this next spring. My wonderful mother in law passed 11 years ago. I think she is trying to take that "mother" role, and is being way too pushy about it.0
-
She's a new step mom? Oh forget this!
Change the number, change the locks. She clearly has no respect for you or your time. Why care about what she wants? It's the joy of being an adult. The ability to tell people, even family, "I have my own life. I'll speak to you when I want to. I'll invite you over if I'd like to see you."
You're making yourself miserable catering to a woman who doesn't think very much of you.0 -
Your fiance needs to address this problem.0
-
Have you talked to your FIL about this? It is his future wife as well and her actions could affect your relationship with him too. If you have to cut her off then it could lead to your FIL being asked to make a choice between her and your husband (this being done by the MIL not by you). Tell him how you feel too. Have a family meeting, tell her how you feel in no uncertain terms, and ask her why she feels the need to disrepsect you and your family. If you can't work it out, tell her she is not welcome in your home until she can respect you and the life you lead just as you respect hers.0
-
Your fiance needs to address this problem.
^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^0 -
You should tell everyone when you work out and that you will not be answering the phone during those times. Then,unplug the phone and/or put your cell phone on vibrate or turn it off too. Then,work out.
As for the cigarette just tell her if she wants to smoke she has to do it somewhere else other than in the house. Make sure when you are alone that you keep your doors and windows locked. She can't get mad that is just common safety. Then,if you don't want to talk to her just don't answer the door and pretend you are not home.0 -
Your fiance needs to address this problem.
^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^
THIS!!
Not that you can't do anything about it yourself, but you shouldn't HAVE to. He should have taken care of this pest a long time ago.0 -
Love this!1. I would tell her next time she calls "Sorry, I am/was in the middle of a workout. I work out between 3 p.m. and 4 p.m., so if you call and I don't answer the phone, you know why." (If you're feeling really brave, say "If you ever want to join me for a workout, let me know! I think it'd be fun to have a workout partner!")
2. When she comes in to your house with a cigarette in hand/mouth, you say "Oh, sorry, I don't think I ever told you, and I apologize for being so forgetful, that this is a no-smoking house. You're welcome to smoke here (insert designated smoking area)."
If she gets huffy and doesn't call you, then consider it a win, because now you'll get uninterrupted workouts.
If she gets huffy about your smoking rule, just tell her "Sorry, it's just that I'm really paranoid about getting cancer. I mean, it's your life and I don't judge you if you want to smoke. That's just me." (I sometimes add how many people in my family have died from cancer and talk about lessening the risk.)
Yep, me, too. I was going to recommend the "Maybe you'd like to join me…" AND, you really do need to talk to your fiance and FIL, too, if you continue to address it with her to no avail.0 -
First of all ... i would most definitely have to tell her tail a thing or two.... let her know what it is that ur doing and what it is that ur trying to achieve.... once again let her know what time is good and what time is bad... but i would most definitely talk to my husband about her behavior... because i would refuse to allow anyone besides myself and my husband to run my household... and the things that happen in it... and as far as those cancer sticks.... i would have stopped her right at the door... and made her put it out... the nerve of some people ! Take charge sis!0
-
First tell her that she has only one last chance to figure it out & if she doesn't you will take drastic measures. Explain to her that she can not under any circumstances act as though it is her house. Ask her why her life sucks so much that she feels she has to run your life!
Turn the ringer off on your phone while working out & listen to music so you can't hear the house phone.
Lock the door if you don't want her coming in unannounced & if she has a key, change the locks!
Take a stand! I've had to do similar things & once they realize that your not messing around they will take you seriously. The main reason she does all of this is probably because she doesn't respect you. You are marrying her son, not her. Get your husband to be involved as a last resort & only if everything else fails.
In the end, you might need to tell her to mind her own business! I know it sounds harsh, but it is what needs to be done. Good luck!
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter
wheww... i totally agree!0 -
Sounds like you need to talk to your husband/boyfriend. He needs to stick up for you and talk to her. But he may not want to do that, so you can keep bothering him or with his permission try to talk to her.
This is the rest of your life! Please do something about it now or it will ruin your future, your health, with your husband/boyfriend.0 -
Wow. Just wow! I thought Everybody Loves Raymond was fiction! :laugh:
Unfortunately, we are conditioned to put up with things we never would allow one of our friends or kids to put up with. Really, have someone stand 1 foot behind you in a line and we will stand there uncomfortable rather than turn and request they get out of our space.
I say all this because your home is YOUR space. I would put a NO SMOKING sign on my door (if she never did this before, than let that one go because the issue is MUCH bigger)
Speak with your husband, and have him back you up with his step mother. She sounds bored and nosy and self important. Obviously this is the way they did things in her family.
If it were me I would write up my schedule, and give her a time of day. Such as "Ma, I enjoy our chats, I am available at about 4 pm each day, is that a good time for you? I want to be sure we get our time together at this time of my life when I am so darn busy!!!"
Ok corny, but it might work:ohwell:0 -
Your fiance needs to address this problem.
This. Also, what the heck does she need to talk to you about everyday?! Maybe it's just me, but I don't even talk to my own mother everyday.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.9K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 428 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.1K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 15 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions