How do you cope with unsupportive freinds and family?

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thankyou4thevenom
thankyou4thevenom Posts: 1,581 Member
in Motivation and Support
Family
I currently live at home with my Mum. While she says she's supportive of me losing weight she's very good at seeing that I'm watching what I'm eating and bringing in tempting foods. She'll then get upset if I don't eat them and tell me I'm wasting food.
She's also started complaining we're spending too much money on veggies (despite the fact I pay for my own food) and keeps telling me I don't need to lose any more (even though I'm still clinically obese).

Friends
I have a work friend called Kara who's ex-navy, currently trying to get a job as a personal trainer and is trying to get fit for a fitness test. We made a promise to go to the gym on Thursday as it's the busiest day of our week and it'll help with the stress relief. She's gone and chickened out of the gym again this week.
Another friend of mine (also called Kara, it gets confusing) knows I'm being good and is constantly asking me out at the weekend to go and drink. It's not something we did on a regular basis before.

How do you deal with the people in your life that do this?

Replies

  • claire_xox
    claire_xox Posts: 282 Member
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    This has been a huge struggle for me to. I even started cooking dinner (which I never used to do) thinking that would solve cost/unhealthy food issues but not really.

    Smile and nod .... With your mum I'd suggest really trying to keep the niceness up, she loves you and is concerned.

    Patience, Strength and Grace. This is your personal journey but even if the people around you are unsupportive they're worth more than a few pounds up or down and worth more than a cupcake over your calories. Have a cupcake one day, but go for an extra run the next. It'll help keep people off your case.

    If I hear "Oh my god have you lost MORE weight?! Don't lose anymore!" one more time when I've regained 10lbs I'll scream! But as the simpsons say, "you don't win friends with salad"! So smile, nod, eat a cookie and work that sugar off!
  • seyran
    seyran Posts: 43
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    I am more motivated when my family behaves similar. I am stubborn on this subject and will not change my mind untill I reach my goal. Just focus on that and listen nobody else but yourself.
  • shollet
    shollet Posts: 12
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    This is going to be hard to accept but its jealousy. People are jealous of your determination to change, firstly because they havent got the willpower to do the same themselves (i.e not eating junkfood, going to the gym religiously) and secondly because they like the "comfortable" you - if you've got your own battles with weight, it makes there's less apparent. If you take control, its reducing their "control" over you and people arent always comfortable with that change in dynamic.

    So there's only one way to cope, and thats to keep doing what YOU want to do - no-one else can change what you are, its all your choice. You have to take the first step to being what you want to be, not what your friends and family want you to be (and I'm guessing you've always done it "their way").

    This happens with smokers all the time - someone says they're giving up smoking and their friends colleagues etc still ask them to go for a cigarette; its the same reasoning, they dont want things to change around them, and they havent got the willpower to change their own circumstances and as such try to hold back everyone else with them, to keep their comfort zone and keep control.

    Take control of you, be you. You'll never look back.
  • fitterpam
    fitterpam Posts: 3,086 Member
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    Hey - I can speak to the friend piece. I have a friend that for the last year and a half we`ve had a standing appt on Thursdays to go to the pool and do aqua aerobics. She knows that my reasons for wanting to lose weight are to be able to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. She was all gung ho until after her sisters wedding this past July and I don`t think she`s been since. I dealt with it by finding a second aquafit friend and some weeks the 3 of us would go and some weeks it`s just been the two of us. In Sept the pool was closed, so we did craft nights instead and now the first one has been pushing for us to do that instead....It`s really selfish but I`ve stood firm because my reasons for losing weight are really personal to me and I`m not going to let her derail me (I was doing really well on the weight loss until May when I put about 25lbs back on......struggling to get back on track now.....

    Bottom line is my advice is to gently keep reminding them of your goals and continue to push so that you can make your own personal decisions. Don`t let them do it for you
  • mfpseven
    mfpseven Posts: 421 Member
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    This has been a huge struggle for me to. I even started cooking dinner (which I never used to do) thinking that would solve cost/unhealthy food issues but not really.

    Smile and nod .... With your mum I'd suggest really trying to keep the niceness up, she loves you and is concerned.

    Patience, Strength and Grace. This is your personal journey but even if the people around you are unsupportive they're worth more than a few pounds up or down and worth more than a cupcake over your calories. Have a cupcake one day, but go for an extra run the next. It'll help keep people off your case.

    If I hear "Oh my god have you lost MORE weight?! Don't lose anymore!" one more time when I've regained 10lbs I'll scream! But as the simpsons say, "you don't win friends with salad"! So smile, nod, eat a cookie and work that sugar off!

    Great response, I love your attitude.

    It's about doing this for yourself, not them so even when the don't get to the gym work out anyway(I know it sucks I've had it happen so many time) and when your best friend tells you how she ate a whole bag of mashed potatoes for lunch relish in the fact that you actually enjoyed your veggie stir fry or garden salad. Don't let it get you down, try to find people with your mind set and make it a point to lift each other up.
  • thankyou4thevenom
    thankyou4thevenom Posts: 1,581 Member
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    Thanks for all your responses. They were very helpful.

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