What am I scared of?

I often get asked this IRL, and my genuine answer is "I really don't know!". There was no big epiphical (i made up a word!) moment, no sudden heart attack, etc. I was just watching The Biggest Loser, as i had done for the last few months, and over the course of a few days it clicked in my head. Now it has clucked (hmm...tenses ftw) so damn hard i can't ever imagine going over my calories ever again!

because every day is a battle.

See, this is something i just can't understand. Due to the aforementioned clunkage, this has been very, very easy for me. I do the exercise i do purely for the enjoyment of the sport, calories burned is a by-product. I eat what i want, when i want, keeping my calories in check. I can eat anything i want, i just have to personally decide if it's worth the calorie currency for it.

No matter the size of a spider I feel I need a full sized flame thrower and a couple spider seeking missiles to get rid of the spider.

A good size 10 shoe does the trick for me

I couldn't help someone. Someone that REALLY needed help. I couldn't help them because I was morbidly obese.

I always knew I was not healthy. I always knew I felt uncomfortable. I'm not too sure why I was covering myself with FAT. Maybe I was hiding. I dunno. But I couldn't help someone - and that pushed me.

Now - there is no turning back. I see myself HEALTHY. I see myself smaller than I was in high school. There may be bad days here and there - but there is NO TURNING BACK!

YOU can do it!! :flowerforyou:

I guess my wake up call was having two surprise babies at age 39 and 40. It made me very aware that if I wanted to be around for their graduations/weddings/etc. That I needed to work on getting healthy.

I think it's been easier this time than in the past because I am perfectly and blissfully happy with my life (well, winning the lottery would be nice, too). I think since I am at the point when those two little munchkins have completed our family (something that for me, was always missing due to infertility). I've been at this for over 18 months now, and motivation comes and goes, but my determination has never wavered.

It's always on my mind, even now that I'm basically at goal. It's still constantly something I think about first thing in the morning, I get on the scale (I don't obsess over the number), but it helps me start the day with awareness that I am looking forward to a healthy day.

I've been thinking about this a lot myself. I really had to evaluate why losing this weight has become so unbelievably difficult because I truly believe that if you really want something bad enough anything is attainable, so if I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to lose the weight, why can't I? Truth is, I'm afraid of not having an excuse. I used my weight as an excuse for EVERYTHING (didn't get this job, couldn't find anything to wear, I'm unhappy, guys don't find me attractive, etc.) and once it's gone I won't be able to blame my shortcomings on anything but myself. I'm still trying to get over that hurdle and accepting my awesome self is the first step

I fear stagnation and lack of progress.
I fear never reaching my potential and being average.
I fear being forgotten..The past..Yesterday's news.
I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night.
I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset.
I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along.
These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.

I love my fear.

For me I felt humiliated when I had to be lifted up some steps in wheelchair and a family member very loudly said "god, you need to lose some weight'.. which everyone laughed.. I pretended to laugh with them but was very embarrassed.

When I went for assessment for powerchair, they push you onto a special scale with manual chair and take away weight of the chair to work out your weight, the lady put me on three times to check she didn't think she got me right (its was summer and my wrists are very thin!) when I saw what she had written in office it said 12st 7.. I know I was 11st 7 the year before at an hospital appointment.

Wii Fit says I should be 9st 3 and I'm sure before I had mobility probs I was at my healthiest between 9st and 9 and half, but I didn't think I could get there. .. so set mini goals... trying to get to 11 by xmas then 10.. then if I make it that far I might be able to get to around 9 and half.

My back pain has reduced since losing the first 15lbs and its slightly comfier been sat in chair so can sit in it for longer, hoping losing another stone will help with this further and increase my mobility.

I'm hoping by next time they have to lift me in my chair they will notice how much lighter I am and I won't get embarrassed in public, so that's whats driving me!

I'm scared of failing people who love and care about me.
I'm scared of not living up to being a great dad, and that my son will not have a happy childhood.
I'm scared of not fully living my life.

I'm not scared enough to let any of the above things stop me from trying to accomplish the end goals. My weight was holding me back from those things. That was my wake up call.

I'm scared of spiders. They creep me the hell out.. No matter the size of a spider I feel I need a full sized flame thrower and a couple spider seeking missiles to get rid of the spider.

Me too!!! We just killed a huge one last night! I'm still skeeved out!

This thread reminds me of what Peter Jackson once said...

"When we make a movie, it's never finished...we just run out of time"


How many people will ever be like "Well...yes. That's it. I'm finally finished!"