How Did you know you were READY??

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mmackie
mmackie Posts: 93
in Chit-Chat
I am not asking abot anyhing that has to do with food,,. but with babies. I have been away from my husband since Augugst and all of the sudden I feel really ready to av e a baby. I don't know if its because I've had a few drinks or if its because I jst really wat to have a baby! I don't know what to do, I love him as much and know he wants a little one, but I don't know when... Let me knowwhat you all think. We Haven't really talked about it since we got married.
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  • mmackie
    mmackie Posts: 93
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    I am not asking abot anyhing that has to do with food,,. but with babies. I have been away from my husband since Augugst and all of the sudden I feel really ready to av e a baby. I don't know if its because I've had a few drinks or if its because I jst really wat to have a baby! I don't know what to do, I love him as much and know he wants a little one, but I don't know when... Let me knowwhat you all think. We Haven't really talked about it since we got married.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
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    think about when you havent had any drinks..that way you can know the root of your wishes.
  • Mangoaddict
    Mangoaddict Posts: 1,236 Member
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    I agree. This is a decision you and husband should make and KNOW you want it. You both have to be ready for it.
  • mmackie
    mmackie Posts: 93
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    I am in no way trying to make this decision without him, but how did you know about you!!! :cry: come on girls help me out here!
  • mmackie
    mmackie Posts: 93
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    I hate to beg like a ltttle *kitten*, but please answer me! I know there are lots of pregnanat ladies out ther!e Your not afraid to say when you need support about being a stay at ahome mom??? Come On! Bring it on biatches! Hit me with your best shot! And judgement:)
  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
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    I knew I was ready when I found myself pregnant with my first child. We planned on waiting four years-- got pregnant after two-- ready or not, baby was coming--
  • storyteller
    storyteller Posts: 2
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    This is very serious. Before you have a child, ideally, you should want it passionately. You should be on fire to be a mother. Because it's the hardest job you'll ever do. The most rewarding, certainly. But the hardest. And there are no guarantees of anything. Does your husband want children? How long have you been married? Do you think your relationship could survive the stress of having a less than perfect child?

    Because each pregnancy always carries that risk. I know I sound negative. I don't mean to. I've had three children in 5 /15 years. They are now 22, 20 and 18. It took a great deal of creative and financial energy to raise them to this point. The eldest is mildly autistic and dyslexic and will always need a higher level of support than the other two. So know who it is you are married to, before you bring anyone else into the relationship. It will change with each child. Everything will change again with each child.

    Having said that, I have no regrets apart from not being able to heal the autism. My time with my children was well-spent, a good investment. Spending my twenties and thirties participating in and guiding their childhood was a rich experience and I'm so thankful to have those years to remember. I thank my husband. He worked very hard to provide for the family so that our children would have full-time care.

    Now they are leaving for college, and I am back at work. But it was a long, hard, wonderful, messy, heartbreaking, exhilirating ride that will never be over. And now those little pieces of my heart, and I still feel a stake in them, are beyond my control. Sometimes its terrifying. Sometimes it's terrific.

    Good luck with your decision. I would suggest that when the time is truly the right one, you will not be asking the advice or approval of anyone.
  • sumavv
    sumavv Posts: 17 Member
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    I know in my experience I was married for three yrs before I got pregnant..and it was planned..but the day I found out I was pregn..I couldn't wait..I knew we were talking about being parents one day and when it happened it was like we had planned it all along..enjoy your time as husband and wife, becoz oncce you have kids it's hard to get that alone time again...make sure its something you both want.. because it is rewarding in the end..
  • Amy_B
    Amy_B Posts: 2,323 Member
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    DH and I always knew we wanted kids...three or four. When we had been married just over 1.5 years, I had baby fever. I watched tons of baby shows and looked at baby items in the store. My brother and SIL found out they were pregnant (a surprise, I think). DH and I discussed it and decided that we should try too. I was the sole provider at that time because DH was going back to school, but like my uncle said, you can never REALLY afford kids. We knew we'd make it work. Well, here we are five years later with three kids (the last was a surprise). I think you just know when it's time, but do discuss it in detail with your husband.
  • thejarviclan
    thejarviclan Posts: 465 Member
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    I have four children and it was always this "sense" that this new little soul was following me somehow. I'd suddenly have the feeling that someone was "missing" - or I'd hear a noise upstairs and for a fraction of a second my mind would think it was "the baby." With one child in particular it just felt like someone was "hovering" at my shoulder.

    Here's an experiment you could try (it worked for me)...ask for a sign that's it the right time. Ask God, or the new soul itself, the Universe, your angels...whatsoever you believe in! I would sometimes ask that I find a penny that day as my sign, but my tricky child "planted" a dime every time - right in my path so I wouldn't miss it! I would be dubious and ask again, but it happened over and over and I kept every coin she left. She is very tricky, still. :wink:

    I know it sounds odd, but this is how it was for me. And I don't get those feelings anymore, and no dimes pop up in my path, either - I think we're finally done having babies. :happy:
  • sonjavon
    sonjavon Posts: 1,019 Member
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    I don't know if I'm the right one to respond - but I will... I was a single mom for the first 5 years of my sons life. I was not "ready" so to speak... I was 22 when I had him, I was single, unemployed and had just moved home to be with my parents and "get my feet on the ground". How did I know I was ready? I didn't... and sometimes I still don't.... but God gave me a precious little boy to raise, he's given me the tools that I need everyday to do a good job and every day I thank Him for giving me the incredible miracle that I call "my son".

    Things that you should think about.... Ok, so you have "baby fever". The baby part goes by SO very fast... do you have the desire to raise a human being. Just yesterday I was pregnant with my son - today I have an 11 year old person who is almost as tall as I am calling me "mom". Having a child is wonderful - but requires a HUGE amount of sacrifice... look at giving up sleep for at least a year, not being able to eat a warm meal for at least a year (or more), making the choice of showering or sleeping when the baby is sleeping (you'll be surprised how often you'll choose to sleep), you'll be giving up spontaneous sex with your husband.... you won't have the energy, the baby will cry, lot's of things get in the way...

    I'm not trying to deter you... my son is my single greatest "achievement". I love him more than I ever knew that I could love another human being. Being a "mom" has been worth every sacrifice. Being a "mom" was worth not marrying Prince Charming until I was 30 years old. Being a "mom" has made my life more meaningful than I could ever have dreamed. And knowing what I know now... I can honestly say, I don't know that I ever would have been "ready".... I simply had to "get ready".
  • wooch44085
    wooch44085 Posts: 115 Member
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    I had baby fever from the time my dh and I got married. DH was not ready at all. We waited 7 years before finally having our first child. I definitely say it must be a joint decision as I have seen so many friends get pregnant without the DH being ready and it is so much harder for the wives without that support of the DH.

    That being said, I was in love with the idea of a baby. Once we had our child - it was a lot more work than I could have ever imagined. My boys are now 7 and 5. They are the best and I couldn't imagine my life without them. But don't be mesmorized by all the "baby" stuff. They are only babies for a short time. They grow so fast and you have to be prepared to deal with all of the growing stages.

    Having children is the hardest thing you could ever do. It puts a strain on your marraige - your own self-esteem - you get sleep deprived - money gets tight. . . the list could go on and on. . .

    But also - the smiles, hugs, kisses, their first I love you - it is just amazing. But make sure you are really up for the challenge. Cause that is what it is - and it is one that goes on forever - you are never done being a mother.

    Good luck with your decision. But if you go with your heart - you cannot imagine life without a child in it - i think that is when you know you are ready. . . :flowerforyou:
  • GIBride01
    GIBride01 Posts: 328 Member
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    Kind of like when you knew you wanted to marry your hubby. I am another one who waited a while after getting married, hubby and I were married 6 years before our son came along. We just got to the point that we still loved spending time together, still loved our lives, but something was missing. Not to mention there was my hubby saying 'Hello, about to turn 40 here..." I don't regret waiting, and I love the fact that we tried for our son, wanted him from the moment he was just a thought in the back of our brains. I have all the going out partying, traveling, working on the career under my belt for a good 10 years, so staying at home with my son is a blessing to me. Talk to your hubby and good luck!
    Oh...PS...just read your profile, does my opinion count more cause I am a SDSU grad!?!?
  • dclarsh
    dclarsh Posts: 364
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    I didn't know I was ready until my son was already about 7 years old. Like a previous poster, I was young, only 21 when he was born. Needless to say, it was not planned. I was living away from my family, waitressing in a small town in the Upper Pennisula of Michigan (aka, the middle of freakin' nowhere). But the universe gave him to me anyway, ready or not, and it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I got my life together, went to college and married that boy's father. And now we live a happy little life, by no means perfect, but happy. And now that the little guy is 8, and I'm almost 30, we've started thinking about having more. I'm hoping for two, but that's still in the negotiation phase :wink:

    Just remember, that having a child is wonderful, but it's also very hard. You have to be prepared to survive on very little sleep, to not faint at the sight of blood, to not puke at the sight of puke. You have to be ready at all times to respond patiently, calmly, and responsibly to situations that arise out of nowhere and would send someone else straight into the fetal position on the floor. You have to be ready to discipline with a steady hand, to follow through on every single word that comes out of your mouth, to be your child's parent and save being friends for when they are an adult. You have to really understand that the easy thing is almost never the right thing. When you can accept all of that, then, you MIGHT be ready.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    I know for me, it was an urge I couldn't deny. It was just something I felt deep down. I had always wanted children but my husband and I were married for over 2 years before we started to try. It was something both of us had wanted. I was very overweight and was trying to lose some...but at one point I knew even being overweight, I was pretty healthy. I had a recent physical and my numbers were good, so I said "Let's go for it!" I never said we were trying really but more we "Stopped being careful!" That was in late Feb of 06 and I found out on March 20th of 06 that I was pregnant! Fertile myrtle I guess!! :laugh:

    I was significantly overweight with my first. Was actually over 100 lbs more at my first prenatal appointment than I am now at 4 months along. Crazy stuff. But it was still a pretty good pregnancy, I have to say!!

    This time around, I started to lose weight before we were ready to try again...and got most of off before we started to try again in November. Again, it was just a feeling inside. It's hard to explain but when you yearn for it so much and see others with babies and it makes you misty eyed, you will know! But, I reached my goal weight in January and found out I was pregnant with baby #2 that same week! :laugh:

    Good luck to you and definitely make this decision when 100% sober and when it's something you think about constantly and yearn for. A woman/mother's instinct is strong even before she conceives and it is almost impossible to ignore when you are feeling that instinct. It is STRONG!

    :flowerforyou:
    -Tami
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    I have four children and it was always this "sense" that this new little soul was following me somehow. I'd suddenly have the feeling that someone was "missing" - or I'd hear a noise upstairs and for a fraction of a second my mind would think it was "the baby." With one child in particular it just felt like someone was "hovering" at my shoulder.

    Here's an experiment you could try (it worked for me)...ask for a sign that's it the right time. Ask God, or the new soul itself, the Universe, your angels...whatsoever you believe in! I would sometimes ask that I find a penny that day as my sign, but my tricky child "planted" a dime every time - right in my path so I wouldn't miss it! I would be dubious and ask again, but it happened over and over and I kept every coin she left. She is very tricky, still. :wink:

    I know it sounds odd, but this is how it was for me. And I don't get those feelings anymore, and no dimes pop up in my path, either - I think we're finally done having babies. :happy:

    awwwwwwwwwwwww:flowerforyou:
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    I have four children and it was always this "sense" that this new little soul was following me somehow. I'd suddenly have the feeling that someone was "missing" - or I'd hear a noise upstairs and for a fraction of a second my mind would think it was "the baby." With one child in particular it just felt like someone was "hovering" at my shoulder.

    Here's an experiment you could try (it worked for me)...ask for a sign that's it the right time. Ask God, or the new soul itself, the Universe, your angels...whatsoever you believe in! I would sometimes ask that I find a penny that day as my sign, but my tricky child "planted" a dime every time - right in my path so I wouldn't miss it! I would be dubious and ask again, but it happened over and over and I kept every coin she left. She is very tricky, still. :wink:

    I know it sounds odd, but this is how it was for me. And I don't get those feelings anymore, and no dimes pop up in my path, either - I think we're finally done having babies. :happy:

    awwwwwwwwwwwww:flowerforyou:
    Double awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! :heart:

    I know what she means though. It is such a strong sense!! Wow! And it's true. It feels like something (or someone) is missing!
  • HealthierMamasita
    HealthierMamasita Posts: 1,126 Member
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    I have four children and it was always this "sense" that this new little soul was following me somehow. I'd suddenly have the feeling that someone was "missing" - or I'd hear a noise upstairs and for a fraction of a second my mind would think it was "the baby." With one child in particular it just felt like someone was "hovering" at my shoulder.

    Here's an experiment you could try (it worked for me)...ask for a sign that's it the right time. Ask God, or the new soul itself, the Universe, your angels...whatsoever you believe in! I would sometimes ask that I find a penny that day as my sign, but my tricky child "planted" a dime every time - right in my path so I wouldn't miss it! I would be dubious and ask again, but it happened over and over and I kept every coin she left. She is very tricky, still. :wink:

    I know it sounds odd, but this is how it was for me. And I don't get those feelings anymore, and no dimes pop up in my path, either - I think we're finally done having babies. :happy:
    That's precious:flowerforyou:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    I was going to be flippant and say " When the blue ring showed at the bottom of the test tube" but then thought 2 things
    1. most of you will not know that was the old preggo test
    2. this is a very serious conversation for you

    I have always known I wanted children.
  • loreeb18
    loreeb18 Posts: 1,221 Member
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    I've been ready forever so it was really when my husband was ready.

    We got married May 2007 and decided to start May 2008. Then it got earlier and earlier. We were then gonna try a month or 2 after we got married but couldn't afford to yet. (I didn't make enough $ to work and pay for day care so we had to be financially ready for me to quit when she was born.) We ended up starting to try October 2007 and got pregnant that December.

    As much as I was ready, I didn't want my husband to feel pressured into it. So I had to wait until he felt comfortable about it.

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