What would it take?

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CoryIda
CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have always had very poor self-esteem regarding my physical appearance. I could blame it on an awkward childhood (I honestly had so many freckles above my lip that they formed a sort of Charlie Chaplin-shaped freckle moustache) or a father who assured me that I was and always would be inferior to my sisters in appearance as well as any other manner, or I could blame any other influence - and I am sure they all DID influence my self-image, but when it comes down to it, it is MY self-image, not anyone else's, and I determine whether to believe what others say or whether I will form my own opinion.

When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter WHY I view my appearance negatively, it just matters that I do and that I don't want to anymore.

I don't feel attractive. When I get compliments from people - and I have to admit in all honesty that I really DO get compliments on my appearance pretty regularly now that I am fit and healthy - I have a habit of thinking that they must need glasses or that they are biased or they must just be comparing me to how I looked 100 pounds heavier when of course I'm better looking now than I was then, but that's not saying a lot.

Someone sent me a message when I shared this insecurity and said this:

I am a child of God, and God doesn't make junk.

It's true. I am "wonderfully and fearfully made" and that means that - pointy chin, small mouth, freckled skin and all - I am beautiful. And so are you.

But it's a lot easier to say than to believe.

If you, like me, suffer from a poor self-image, what do you think it would take to change that?

Your significant other telling you every day?
A stranger giving you a compliment?
Writing "I AM BEAUTIFUL" on your mirror and reciting it aloud every time you look in the mirror?
Counseling?

All of these would help, I am sure, but I am wondering what you think - what would it take to make YOU feel beautiful (or handsome)?

Replies

  • fightingforfiftyfive
    fightingforfiftyfive Posts: 76 Member
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    are you kidding? you are absolutely gorgeous!
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    You are gorgeous. People are giving you the compliments because it is true. You are ultimately the only one that can make yourself believe that you are gorgeous and worthy.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    are you kidding? you are absolutely gorgeous!

    My thoughts exactly!

    I suppose it's always great when we hear compliments from others, it is only you though who can change your thoughts and feelings. Hopefully sometime soon you'll learn to believe it yourself and have confidence in your looks :)
  • kandyjo
    kandyjo Posts: 4,648 Member
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    I absolutely agree!!! You are really pretty!!! :drinker: Way to go on taking control and getting healthy!!!

    On the self esteem issue.... I'm sure this takes longer to acquire than getting your body into shape... especially if you have a lot of things in your past that caused insecurities...

    I really hope you are able to get to that place where you love yourself and see your beauty! I have learned to love me even though I'm not at my goal weight! You will get there! Sorry, I wish I could offer more advice on this...
    are you kidding? you are absolutely gorgeous!
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
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    First off.... you are gorgeous! :happy:

    Secondly... when you figure out this answer will you please let me know because I have many of the same issues with myself right now. :sad:
  • Lindsey_81
    Lindsey_81 Posts: 118 Member
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    You are beautiful!!! I personally have self esteem issues as well. When I am having a bad day and feel ugly I make myself look in the mirror and find one thing I like!
  • Maryfullofgrace
    Maryfullofgrace Posts: 342 Member
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    You are braver than me. I have only pictures of my DOGS in my profile. You are angelic in appearance. Your eyes glitter for the camera when you smile.

    It is awful that someone in your life at a young age said things to make you feel bad about yourself.

    I find that when I go on my long 5 mile walks, I go without music and try to sort out all that mental garbage that keeps me down too. Much cheaper than therapy. :wink:
  • _GlaDOS_
    _GlaDOS_ Posts: 1,520 Member
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    Just like weight loss and getting healthy, it takes time and effort.

    It’s never enough for me to hear it from some else, and it sounds like you are similar. I imagine many people, especially women, also feel similarly. It absolutely has to come from within.

    One thing I’ve noticed after losing weight is that I look in the mirror and expect to see the same fat girl. But she’s not there anymore. It’s a very strange feeling to me—to imagine myself one way, feeling like I’m in a body that doesn’t look the same anymore. It’s funny, because when I was at a healthy weight in college, I always thought I was fat, ugly, etc. And then when I did actually get fat, I never even noticed—it’s like my body just fit what I had always thought I saw in the mirror. Now, I have a hard time seeing myself and my body for what it actually is and looks like. But, I’m getting better at it.

    The first thing I’ve done is I’ve stop talking to myself negatively. I can’t look in the mirror and tell myself I’m fat or ugly. I don’t allow myself to even think I “look” fat or ugly in a certain outfit. And if it starts to happen, I tell myself to stop and I step away from the mirror and put a smile on my face. I fake confidence until I actually feel it. I do the same when I’m feeling down—I force myself to smile until I start to feel happy again. It actually works for me and I’ve read studies on the psychology of how it works (psychology AND research nerd here). Another thing I do is tell myself, after all the crap I’ve been through, how much I deserve to be happy and feel good about myself.

    Look at everything you have accomplished. Start telling yourself you deserve to be happy and feel beautiful. Tell yourself every day, hundreds of times until you believe it.
  • Gigi_licious
    Gigi_licious Posts: 1,185 Member
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    I don't like responding to stuff like this in an honest way, but I will. I just request that any of my friends who may read this not comment on my page about it. No disrespect, its just that my feelings aren't up for debate and I'm really saying what I'm about to say in a matter of fact, peaceful heart kind of way. So no sympathy. If I'm not sad about it nobody else gets to be.

    My answer is I have come to accept that I will never be beautiful and i will always be less than. But, I will always be an unbeautiful and less than girl who has a ton of love in her heart. And I would much rather be that person than someone who is beautiful and full of hate.

    The end. :-)
  • celiamj
    celiamj Posts: 38
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    Oh my, you are GORGEUS!!!
    But answering your question I think it should come from inside you, accept you as you are, recognizing your faults and say that they're fine, everyone has faults and you have too so what's the matter? There's a world of diferences out there, people from all sizes and shapes, we just need to accept ourselves, change whatever we think we can change and stop consuming ourselves with doubts!
    For me the change about the way I looked at myself was when I studied one year abroad and met people from all over the world, we were all diferent, there were prettier and uglier girls than me, and I felt like noone gave a damn about the little things I worried about (and I can´t say I was ignored by boys!). I stopped worrying about those things (though sometimes I still feel insecure about being short, for example, and I think i have chubby legs), but what are we comparing ourselves to? perfect people? bah! You know when people are used to seeing you everyday they tend to focus on faults (and yourself too), maybe you just need to take a step back and look at yourself again, you are beautiful, keep smiling and don't worry so much!

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