UGH.......my mother in law

Would simply telling her that he has an allergic reaction help? That's how I had to explain things to my parents. It was pretty-much a truth as the reaction from it was dangerous. IMO / JAT

How old is your son? Perhaps words from him would have more impact.

Uh, no. This is not a "no worries" situation. If Grandma was giving the boy peanuts after Mom said "no peanuts, he can't have them," people would see this entirely differently. But since this is a non-traditional allergic situation, with Mom cast in the role of the Mean Old Mommy Who Won't Let Her Boys Have ANYTHING Fun, it's all "oh, pooh, pooh, nothing to worry about..."

In the same sort of situation (my little, as a toddler, had similar reactions to dairy products - hyperactivity, inability to focus, occasional hives, intestinal difficulties), I'd told all grandparents, aunts, great aunts, uncles and great-grandparents what he was and wasn't allowed to have. If they couldn't follow the rules, my son was not allowed to be in their company unaccompanied. Therefore, unescorted trips to Grandma's house would now be completely out of the question. You are the mom. She had her turn, and you know what's best for your kids. If she can't respect that, she has no need to be unsupervised with your kids.

Just say thank you and throw it in the trash. It's not worth getting into it with her and having hard feelings, unless she is someone you can talk to. She was probably just being nice. :flowerforyou:

Respectfully, I disagree. She needs educated - and apparently over and over. Yes, she probably does just want to be the image of a grandma, but this is a health issue.

Maybe speaking with her with the whole family - other aunts and uncles included as to not make it so threatening to her. Go over his dietary restrictions and why it's so important for him.

She can shower him in other ways as grandmas want to do. There are many other things she can do for him that doesn't involve food. I get that she wants to be the grandma.

If, after your efforts (and those of your husband) to unheard send the treats back until she gets it. Throwing them away just brushes the problem under the table and IMO it needs to be addressed. If she continues to feed him too many sweets while he's at her house send him back with a sleeping bag and pillow and have him spend the night with her. OF COURSE that was a joke!

I'm a grandma and I am speaking from experience....if your grandchildren have a problem you DON'T do things that will make their condition worse. It sounds to me like she needs to be told again and again, and by your husband, not you, unless she still refuses to listen. It is not fair to the boys to be put in that position. Shame on her.

Be careful. I was restricted from sugar and caffine, and quite a few things when I was little. My aunt tells me now that it's because I have ADHD, my parents just used to tell me that I was allergic to e-numbers. What I know is that I HATED it! I mean with a passion. I accepted it for several years, but ONLY because there were people who ignored it. My nanan used to give me sweets and my sister ued to sneak some of her chocolate upstairs as a bribe to get me to do things. However, when my mum found out, she stopped my sister taking sweets out of her sight and she stopped me from seeing my nanan. Guess what? It backfired! BIG STYLE! I started to make myself sick and avoid meals and refuse to eat. It got to the stage where letting me have banned foods was the only way they could actually get me to eat. I also developed a SEVERE food phobia. I mean, I'm 25 now and I won't eat fruit or veg even now. I'm terrified of it. And this is after I started fighting the phobia, before it was worse, my gramma couldn't actually get me to touch it and when I did I had to hold it at arms length and could only keep hold for a matter of seconds before I started crying.

As someone with ADHD who was on that restricted diet, I cannot stress enough how important it is to let a child have occassional lapses! Seriously! You may think your doing the best thing by enforcing a total rtetriction, and medically speaking, you are, but psychologically? You have no idea how this is going to affect your son. And I for one agree with your MIL. If I had been allowed controlled slips then I would not have the phobia that I do now.

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Oooh, wow! Will you come be my MIL? Please? XD

Also, I agree with someone above - there are a million ways to show affection that don't involve food, or even that do that don't involve sugar! Take the boys to a museum, buy them a souvenir. Spend the afternoon coloring with sidewalk chalk, build a spaceship out of a box and couch cushions. Teach them how to cook, and / or let them help (or you help them!) make dinner. None of this involves sugary treats that the elder shouldn't have, and all of it displays a willingness to engage with the kids... and that Grandma Loves Them.

(sorry, this is really a pet issue of mine)
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EXACTLY!!

if thats the worst you have to deal with your mother in law then consider yourself lucky.
i would agree with the other poster that said "just throw it in the trash"

We're going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

I would never jeopardize the health of my child to keep my MIL happy. Never. Along with his health, you're teaching your children to not stand up for themselves and their needs if you allow this behavior to continue.

if thats the worst you have to deal with your mother in law then consider yourself lucky.
i would agree with the other poster that said "just throw it in the trash"

OP: "My MIL blatantly disregards my son's health, and constantly risks it on a regular basis."
You: "Is that all? You're lucky, suck it up and deal."

Uh, no. This isn't "My MIL took away all my son's black crayons!!!" this is about the boy's health and quality of life. I strongly suspect that only allergy parents, or those who actually understand (read, are aware of the issue and are not blind to the trouble "simple" dietary things can cause) will be the only people who realize that this is, in some respects, just like leaving the kids to play out in the yard 50' from an interstate.

thats not what i said. if i wanted to say that i would have. way to take my words and twist them. appreciate it.

OP i am not minimizing your problem. this person does not speak for me. I dont know what problems you deal with regarding your MIL. I understand you feel disrespected. But what i was saying is pick your battles. If this is something you feel the need to fight with her about then so be it. otherwise just throw the cake in the trash. have a chat with her again.

if thats the worst you have to deal with your mother in law then consider yourself lucky.
i would agree with the other poster that said "just throw it in the trash"

We're going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

I would never jeopardize the health of my child to keep my MIL happy. Never. Along with his health, you're teaching your children to not stand up for themselves and their needs if you allow this behavior to continue.

i totally agree but here is my issue. My own father continues to take my daughter to buffets and feeds her junk and crap evertime she is at his house. Now, i have asked him time and time again that he needs to offer her healthier options and if that was a problem i would send things to his house with her. Slowly but surely he is listening. It helps that my daughter is being educated about healthier eating. It wasnt always like this. But thanks to people here on these forums i was ready to rip my dad a new *kitten* for feeding my kid junk. They pointed out the fact that she goes over there maybe 2-3 times a month. I had to realize its not that big of a deal. it would be if it was constantly.

So, i just have a hard time with cutting her out of the kiddos life. Educate her until you are blue in the face. OP didnt say anything about this being a bad MIL.

Good luck OP. I think she loves your kids and will eventually get the picture.

I'm a grandma and I am speaking from experience....if your grandchildren have a problem you DON'T do things that will make their condition worse. It sounds to me like she needs to be told again and again, and by your husband, not you, unless she still refuses to listen. It is not fair to the boys to be put in that position. Shame on her.

A grandma with some sense! And I totally agree. My MIL tended to not pay me much mind. Get your husband to talk to her. I do feel your pain. My kids don't have issues with sugar but my MIL would send home HUGE quantities of candy with them. I'd just put it away or toss it when they weren't paying attention (she would buy things on sale and hold on to it for them so it was often out of date)

I have 2 boys both with different learning disabilities. My youngest has dyslexia and my oldest has ADHD, which is pretty bad. I limit the sugar and caffeine that my oldest son has because he just cant handle it. It has taken him a while to get used to NOT being able to have all of the sweets that others have but he is ok with it, most of the time, because he knows that his body just does not do well with it.
Anyway so yesterday my boys were at my mother in laws, which she lives 2 houses away from me. When my boys came home yesterday evening she sent my oldest son home with 2 BIG pieces of German Chocolate cake!!!!! I was like WTH!!!!!
It is so frustrating because both my husband and myself have told her NUMEROUS times DO NOT give him that stuff, he can NOT have it and she still continues to give him that crap! I just wish that she would listen to us!

I wonder if you might be able to offer some information about these two disabilities, so she can fully understand the scientific aspect of their needs. She may not believe what you have told her. She may very well have the impression that you are being an over protective parent, or something to that affect. Perhaps she has no idea how serious these disabilities are, and is trying to do what any grandma would do, lavish them with yummies. Her heart may be in the right place, it's her comprehension of their conditions that she is lacking.

Offer her a book, or some literature about the topic .. so to keep her in the loop.