What would you do? - Mopey, girly, relationship question

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  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,121 Member
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    Actions speak louder than words.



    Been where you are. Cut your losses.
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
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    I'm sorry, but this reminds me of the movie 'he's just not that into you.' if he cared about you then he would fix his cell provider so he could Skype you on his phone, he would have gone to get a new calling card instead of going to a birthday party. It sounds like you are getting walked all over and nobody deserves that.

    I'm sorry, but you deserve to have someone put as much into the relationship as you do
  • photo_kyla
    photo_kyla Posts: 322 Member
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    I know that everyone thinks the worst of him, but I do have to say something in his defense. He is INCREDIBLY busy. It's a 1 1/2 hour commute to work each way and he works 10-12hr days 5 or 6 days a week. I will sometimes be online at what is 9pm his time and he will pop up on skype to say "hi" while he is having a skype conference with other departments about work projects, and he is still in the office for this. They often have events and client meetings on evenings and weekends. And this is Italy, lots of places close down on Sundays.
    When I cam back to the US, we were apart for 6 weeks, then he came over for 6 weeks to visit, and he's been back there for 5 weeks. The reason he got such a long vacation (instead of the 3 weeks Italian standard) was because he told his boss about his plans and his boss doubled his time. He got back and didn't even get a chance to unpack his suitcase for over a week.
    And I know that I am not his number one priority right now, that is work and he has been very clear about it from the start. We both have to practical about that. His focus right now is work and mine is school.
    But when we are together, we're happy; even if it's something as uneventful as doing laundry and making the bed.

    And for those people who say "you KNOW when he's the one", I honestly don't believe that will ever happen. I always have ghosts of things that happened in past relationships that come back to haunt me, so I look at everything through that filter. He is aware of times like that, from my tone of voice or expression, and stops and takes the time to help me work through those demons, and we are stronger for it. But I don't think I will ever be naively happy about love, and I CERTAINLY don't believe in love at first sight.

    As for making friends, I know I should, but the more time I spend with the majority of people in this town, the more I am struck by the fact that I don't belong here anymore. The few friends I *do* have here have their own lives that I am rarely a part of anymore. So I keep working on school and trying to get to the point where I can leave and have a career that can support me.
  • Healthyby30
    Healthyby30 Posts: 1,349 Member
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    No offense but it sounds like he has every excuse in the book and you don't really want our opinions, even though you asked for it, because you defend everything he says. I think maybe you just wanted someone to reassure you instead of giving our honest opinion. Most times facing the brutal reality of a situation sucks, but that doesn't change what it is.

    Also, if you've both stated that you have other priorities in your life that come first, why are you in a relationship to begin with? It sounds like he is following through with that logic. He puts work first, while you put him before other things because from what you say it sounds like you're available whenever he makes himself available. It seems very one-sided.
  • amccrazgrl
    amccrazgrl Posts: 315 Member
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    I say take the 2 year break and maintain a friendship through email. Then go ahead and date around local if the opportunity comes up. Focus on yourself. Then in a few years if your meant to be together it will happen. I'm sure you can find another male you would invest the time needed to make a relationship work.

    I can't imagine doing across the world dating like that when the other person barely has time for themselves let alone time to Skype you.
  • LFDBabs
    LFDBabs Posts: 297 Member
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    Wow. Did I need to read this. My boyfriend of almost three years just moved two hours away. He's in an area with horrible cell service, has no internet at home and is crazy busy at his new job. The communication FROM him is minimal. I notice when I don't call, he steps up to the plate. I'm at the point where I'm rethinking the long distance thing and I'm only 2 hours from him. I love him, BUT...you and I both deserve to be a priority in their lives, not an option. Back WAY off....see if he steps up
  • photo_kyla
    photo_kyla Posts: 322 Member
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    I am really regretting opening my heart up on this post and asking for support. There is no way I can find to delete it so please, don't respond anymore. Thank You
  • hd2208
    hd2208 Posts: 33 Member
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    Your defending him because u love him and you are not ready to see his faults yet....i've been there ive done it. You only asked our opinions as you were hoping we would all say its fine, its to be expected ont worry. Whatever you do, look after yourself, put yourself first, concentrate on your studies and your life at the moment, keep in touch with your chap in whichever way works for you,just dont put your life on hold.....;ife can be too short as it is. X
  • hd2208
    hd2208 Posts: 33 Member
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    sorry was typing and didnt see your last post. Look after yourself. X
  • Saffyra
    Saffyra Posts: 607 Member
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    I was in a 2 year long distance relationship. We are now happily married (to eachother).

    The only reason it worked is because we BOTH valued our relationship and we BOTH worked very hard to sustain it. Losing sleep, skipping dinner out with friends, taking the same day off work so we could have a "date". Relationships are hard in the first place and big distances (and time zones) make it even harder.

    I think you know what to do. Yes, it does seem like he is forcing you to do all the work based on what you said. But you are the one who knows the real situation.

    When things don't start to add up, then make your decision. For yourself! Do what is best for you. Do get out and make time for your friends. This is healthy (for both you and him) and gets you out of the house and your mind on other things so you don't dwell on things you don't need to.

    If I were you, I'd start leaving things up to him. He is a man and capable and if you are important to him, he will absolutely come through for you and make ways to be able to contact you!

    Good luck to you. I hope you feel better and are soon reassured :)

    **Edit: I just noticed your last post. I'm sorry and I really do hope you find something to make you smile very soon.

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