Why you looking so hot??

crystalslight
crystalslight Posts: 322 Member
edited October 2024 in Chit-Chat
I was talking to my husband today. We have alot of friends who are either divorced or getting divorced. I told him its strange to me. That "most" of the women are now looking good. They are losing weight, exercising. Dressing nicer, ect. Just taking better care of themselves.
I brought up the point. That I wouldn't want to wait til we broke up to start to take care of myself. I want to look good now. For me and for him.
Why do so many of us think its ok to let ourselves go?
Just curious,why SO many of them do this . Even some of the guys do it.
Why aren't they giving their best to their spouses? Would they not have gotten or be getting a divorce had they been doing it all along?
Yes, I know there are other reasons people get divorced. And that there are other factors. I think that sometimes we forget that we need to still court our spouses. Treat them like we don't want to lose them. Treat them like were trying to get them to love us.

Replies

  • jlewis2896
    jlewis2896 Posts: 763 Member
    I think being in a healthy relationship makes you want to be the best version of yourself possible.

    I was previously married and I 'let myself go' because I was unhappy. My priorities had shifted past myself and to my kids, my marraige, my job, etc.

    Now I am remarried to a person who truly allows me to see that I am important enough to prioritize. And hell no, I don't want to lose that!!

    Love this post, thank you!
  • SexyCook
    SexyCook Posts: 2,249 Member
    I Love this!! I am not married but I strongly agree with your points!! Not only do you want to look good for your spouse(while with them) but do enough for Self..Love YOU enough to make a change...It may have alot to do with the relationship as well...I find more people get comfortable once in relationship/marriage and just let go...That is the time when you should really hit the pavement!! Great topic...
  • nmerley
    nmerley Posts: 98 Member
    I totally agree. That is one reason why I am losin weight. When I met my husband I was smaller then gained tons of weight. I felt bad that I wasnt the woman he fell in love with. He always tells me loves me no matter what but come on b honest how could u. LOL. I am finally back to where I was when we met and I can c that glow back in his eye when we go out. I love that makes me want to keep goin not only for him but for myself also. Thanks for havin the guts to touch this issue.
  • edorice
    edorice Posts: 4,519 Member
    Absolutely agree! You're not the only one that has witnessed this. Women feel that they have to lose themselves in a marriage and all of the sudden they give a damn about their appearance when the man leaves. So many women lose their identity. You see it here online and online EVERYWHERE. Their screen names are mommyofhanna, momoftwins, mom_of_three; they don't know who the f they are anymore! That's not sexy at all.
  • 1myfit
    1myfit Posts: 69
    I agree! I tried bringing this topic up to my sisters. And Did not really work.....till they started losing weight. Now they put makeup on and buy nicer clothes. So I have to say they did not try cuz they felt bad on the inside. Not sure but each situation is different. I do agree with you though. By the way they are still married.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    ive been in a long term relationship and i have let myself go, my boyfriend too.
    i guess the honest reason would be
    us going on dates like movies, diners, etc. we only have 7ish hourse per week together that we arnt sleeping, at work, or school so its hard.
    i started school full time, 6 credits over full time actully, and him to. we moved got new jobs
    i guess durring all of this we lost the time that we would usualy go to the gym together (which we now cant afford.)
    we are back on track now and i realize that i do want to be fit most for him and me :] annnnnnd my wedding!

    i disagree about having to put on makeup and tight fancy clothes when im at home after being at school and work for 10 hours or more.
    "sweat pants hair tied chillin with no makeup on. thats when your the prettiest, i hope that you dont take it wrong."
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    I think this happens for different reasons for different people. For some, they're in unhealthy marriages and fall victim to emotional eating. It's also hard to take care of yourself when you're taking care of a family, especially when working and having young children. So, maybe you don't get to the gym as often, for example. The ones who seem to "let themselves go", then get divorced are usually a little older, so their kids aren't small anymore and they will now have more time for themselves. Just some of my observations anyway.
  • Jfearn64
    Jfearn64 Posts: 353 Member
    I agree that happens. I think we just get lazy and assume that we don't have to make an effort anymore. My wife put on 55 plus pounds over 5 years. I never once said one word to her about it since I knew that she had to want to lose the weight. Me telling her she had gotten heavy would have just made her eat more. Finally, she decided to lose the weight for her. She lost the 55 pounds and got in great shape by dieting and playing tennis.

    I too allowed myself to put on 30 lbs or so. Once I got motivated (different time than her) I was able to take it off by lifting, dieting, and running.

    Our marriage is SOOOO great now (it was good before). You know that saying that during the first year of marriage if you put a penny into a jar each time you make love, then thereafter take one out every time you do, it will never get empty? Well since we have both gotten into much better shape and want to look good for each other, I think that we could have emptied that sucker out in two months!

    I agree, we should take care of ourselves for our spouses and ourselves. Once you learn to love yourself and be comfortable in your skin, you can truly start to give.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    I think being in a healthy relationship makes you want to be the best version of yourself possible.

    I was previously married and I 'let myself go' because I was unhappy. My priorities had shifted past myself and to my kids, my marraige, my job, etc.

    Now I am remarried to a person who truly allows me to see that I am important enough to prioritize. And hell no, I don't want to lose that!!

    Love this post, thank you!

    i can agree with this but i let myself go because i was happy. during previous abusive relationships i underwent recovery for an eating disorder. with my partner now i finally felt happy enough to eat. if that makes since..
  • prestonmay
    prestonmay Posts: 107 Member
    Good Observation
  • TaraFTMVA
    TaraFTMVA Posts: 309 Member
    I def agree!! Family friends of my moms are now separated. 47yrs of marriage. She never worked, didn't cook, didn't clean, was overweight, never did her hair or makeup. I dont understand why he even stuck around as long as he did.... and he took so much heat when he broke it off because he had met someone else.....hes a great man who stuck it out as long as he could. She didnt even try EVER and idk why......I can understand a woman not always caring about her looks, but there comes a time when you have to...women are supposed to put more into their appearance then men, thats how its always been (not in a sexist way) but we care more then men about how we look. I want to look good for my boyfriend, for when we get married, to run around with my son and most importantly I want to look good for me and to buy clothes I want and just be able to eat what I want once I get there bc I will have worked hard to get there and I wont have to worry about regaining it bc i know I wont let myself. Its really upsetting that it comes to appearances, but you have to be physically attracted to your partner or its never going to work out in a happy way. Either one or both will be miserable, and thats no way to live!
  • Crowhorse
    Crowhorse Posts: 394 Member
    I think for most people, life just happens and they aren't thinking about their weight until one day they see themselves in a picture or in a mirror, or they happen to step on a scale and have an "oh ****" moment.

    That's not just a woman thing, it goes to both men and women.
  • edorice
    edorice Posts: 4,519 Member
    bump
  • TriumphNow
    TriumphNow Posts: 526 Member
    My husband always told me how good I look, etc. and never made me feel unattractive. I just did not feel attractive so it was hard for me to where the fitted jeans, sexy lingerie, etc. that he wanted to see me in. I don't feel like I let myself go after we go married. I was always battling with my weight. Since I made a real commitment to get health and stay healthy, my perception of myself is slowly but surely changing for the better. The mental changes do not come at the same pace as the physical for me. Anyway, my husband still keeps the compliments flowing and encourages me on this journey. He's on his own weight loss journey and it feels great to encourage each other along the way. I agree with the original poster that you we should want to look good for the one we love.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
    to punish him.
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
    honestly IMO with married life , usually there r kids involved and I know when I started having kids I gave 100% of my energy to taking care of my family. I never even noticed all the weight I was gaining, I was constantly changing diapers and making meals and cleaning the house and teaching my children , I didn't gain weight bc I didn't care about my husband I gained weight bc I put myself on the back burner.
  • KatieJane83
    KatieJane83 Posts: 2,002 Member
    I really think it's different for everybody. For me, I gained weight because of lifestyle choices that I was making as a way of coping with a marriage that wasn't working. It took me a long time to realize this though. I finally changed all of those bad coping mechanisms I had and that's when I realized that I shouldn't have to be going to such extremes to stay in a relationship. Now I'm out of that unhealthy relationship and in the best shape I've ever been in!
  • foremant86
    foremant86 Posts: 1,115 Member
    It's completely normal to get comfortable in a relationship and let ourselves go a little bit.

    Subconsciously we think "i have someone who loves me no matter, it's ok to let myself go a little"

    Some people take it too extreme and that's a whole other ball game...
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    A. I do think it's normal to lose weight want to look better when you are suddenly single. Dating is hard!

    B. Yes, it's sad when people (men and women) "let themselves go" in a marriage. You should put some effort into looking nice for your spouse.

    C. Sex is better when you are fit and confident, married or divorced.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    Agreed. I let myself go when I was with my ex-boyfriend. Lesson learned: Never again will I let myself go in a relationship :)
This discussion has been closed.

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