Dating again... new shape, new lifestyle, new standards?

nananie2
nananie2 Posts: 272 Member
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
I'm still undecided about this... I've been single for 8 months, no dating, no nothing. Just focussing on me, myself and I for a little while.. I know that I will have to start dating again sooner or later, but crazily enough, I'm not sure what to expect!

I hate online dating, truly. But I can't fathom the idea that the guys checking me out in real life aren't just staring at something stuck between my teeth or something.. LOL

What's your take on this? How did you get back in the game? Or are you just as dumbfounded about it as I am? :tongue:

Replies

  • Temporalia
    Temporalia Posts: 1,151 Member
    I got back slowly but surely, online dating without any real expectations, going on dates here and there, not taking myself too seriously and at the least expected moment, I found my now bf and we've been together ever since. Putting pressure on yourself and taking this too seriously won't help. There are also meetups in Gatineau/Ottawa, you can subscribe to pages and go to activities and see different people with the same goal : have fun and meet new people.
  • thetrishwarp
    thetrishwarp Posts: 838 Member
    I think what's shocking to me is how much more attractive/intelligent/charming the guys who go after me are. I'm not used to it at all.
  • ellyallen
    ellyallen Posts: 30
    I certainly understand how you feel. I haven't dated for about 8 years now. I keep thinking it probably isn't worth trying to find someone at my age. I also tell myself that I am perfectly content on my own with my kids and grandkids. However, when I'm alone I think it would be nice to find someone to share things with. I'm not sure about on-line dating either, but I know a lot of people that it has worked for. Where else would you meet someone? Maybe joining some singe groups involving activities you like to do? Otherwise, maybe you can be introduced by a friend or family member. Good luck to you. I hope you find the right someone.
  • jaxdiablo
    jaxdiablo Posts: 580
    I did the online crap. I'm shy. I work alot. I do volunteer work. I hang out with friends. I just don't really want to try to meet people in the same places I hang out with my friends all the time in case it doesn't work and gets weird.

    Aside from the online thing, I'm lost like a *kitten* on father's day when it comes to understanding how the "new" dating crap works. I was with someone for 6 years before this last stint of being single.

    I've always recommended to friends try things like meetup.com groups, find something you like, enjoy doing it, meet some cool people, expand your circle of people, and see where it goes from there.
  • voluptuous_veggie
    voluptuous_veggie Posts: 476 Member
    Until last November, I had been in a relationship for 7 years....since college! I was completely clueless about dating, so when I felt I was ready, I gave in to one of those dating sites that I had always mocked. I must say, I got more out of it than I expected! Give it a shot....if it works, great! If it doesn't, no harm has been done, right?
  • Kaimana94
    Kaimana94 Posts: 165 Member
    Hey when you find out let me know. I've been out of the game for 22 years.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    Ive been single since March. I havent been on a date ever I think. My ex's and I just started hanging and then we were together. So Ive never done the dating thing. This time around I think I would like to try actually going on date lol.So yeah I fall in that pretty hopeless catagory.
  • nananie2
    nananie2 Posts: 272 Member
    Until last November, I had been in a relationship for 7 years....since college! I was completely clueless about dating, so when I felt I was ready, I gave in to one of those dating sites that I had always mocked. I must say, I got more out of it than I expected! Give it a shot....if it works, great! If it doesn't, no harm has been done, right?

    I did give it a shot before... met a lot of creeps. But that was the old me. Maybe it would be different this time around... ;-)
  • yoshi91610
    yoshi91610 Posts: 177 Member
    I've been married to my husband for three years, and we met online. I liked it a lot because there wasn't a lot of pressure to be sexy and controlled, I could just talk to him through e-mails, then text/phone calls, and then we met and it wasn't like we were meeting for the first time, it was like we were friends meeting up for dinner, it naturally progressed from there, so I am all for online dating.

    But for those who don't want it (there is the same amount of risk as finding someone face to face btw anyone can lie) I would try to find someone who likes the same things you do, in a club or church (if thats your thing) Or if you trust your friends you can ask them if they know anyone, it might not work out but at least your back to dating and get your groove back
  • gatorgirl7
    gatorgirl7 Posts: 103 Member
    It's been a few yrs since I lost the majority of my weight...and I have to say, I'm still thrown off when guys ask me out. They obviously don't know the old me...but I still feel like the old me...it takes some mental adjustments (that I"m STILL working on.) Sometimes, I get offended that guys are just checking me out and hate feeling like a piece of meat--there is a person in here! Hel-lo!! It is nice to be noticed (finally!). I don't typically go out to bars much, since I'm not much of a partier and don't really think I'll meet anyone substantial at a bar...but everyone is different. Good luck...keep us posted!
  • PegasusDeb
    PegasusDeb Posts: 665 Member
    They say, when your not "looking" that's when love finds you. Well... I've been "not looking" for awhile now. It gets frustrating & down right annoying. I'm not a bar person, so I just try to stay active in hobbies I enjoy & hopefully my Mr Right will appear. I work 2nd shift, so that's hard to have a social life as well. I enjoy my own company so I am not "desperate", but like some have said, it would be nice to have some one else. I work in a male dominated field, so I have pretty much heard it all & seen it all from that species, and I still have hope that there is a good one out there for me. (Actually there is, he just don't realize it yet!)

    Good luck in your search for Mr Right. Just get out there & talk to people! Ya never know...
  • G30Grrl
    G30Grrl Posts: 377 Member
    A dear friend of mine, Freya Taylor, wrote a book that addresses this and many other topics that come up after losing a significant amount of weight. She wrote "Suddenly Skinny" after losing a hundred pounds, and realizing that many other areas of her life were affected by her weight loss. You can also find the book with great tips and links to her blog on Facebook.

    Personally, I don't know about the dating thing after losing yet; I'm still in the beginning stages, and am in a relationship with a man who has been loving and supportive all through the weight gain. It's my goal to give him back the sexier toned version of myself in time for our wedding next summer. Good luck to you, though!
  • nananie2
    nananie2 Posts: 272 Member
    A dear friend of mine, Freya Taylor, wrote a book that addresses this and many other topics that come up after losing a significant amount of weight. She wrote "Suddenly Skinny" after losing a hundred pounds, and realizing that many other areas of her life were affected by her weight loss. You can also find the book with great tips and links to her blog on Facebook.

    Personally, I don't know about the dating thing after losing yet; I'm still in the beginning stages, and am in a relationship with a man who has been loving and supportive all through the weight gain. It's my goal to give him back the sexier toned version of myself in time for our wedding next summer. Good luck to you, though!

    Thanks, I will have a look... :-)

    And congrats on your wedding next summer!
  • marnijojo
    marnijojo Posts: 235 Member
    I'm still undecided about this... I've been single for 8 months, no dating, no nothing. Just focussing on me, myself and I for a little while.. I know that I will have to start dating again sooner or later, but crazily enough, I'm not sure what to expect!

    I hate online dating, truly. But I can't fathom the idea that the guys checking me out in real life aren't just staring at something stuck between my teeth or something.. LOL

    What's your take on this? How did you get back in the game? Or are you just as dumbfounded about it as I am? :tongue:

    Not only dumbfounded but scared silly by the whole idea of dating again!

    I did venture into the dating scene once since my divorce with a guy that I knew from high school, though didn't know him well back then. Was an easy relationship, since we had friends and such in common. Just when things seemed to be going well, my 'ex' passed away and I think he couldn't handle the emotional upheaval that ensued..but better to know now before I was too emotionally invested....don't want a guy that will cut and run like that.

    I am not keen on the idea of online dating, I live in a very rural community and there just aren't many possibilities and while I enjoy a drink now and again, I am really not into the bar scene....so there you have it. Think I will just go riding instead.
  • datguy2011
    datguy2011 Posts: 477 Member
    Its always hard.... but take it 1 date at a time... I was in a relationship for years... 7 to be exact... until it all came crashing down... it took me 4 or 5 months before I went out... and met with people...
  • taniam16
    taniam16 Posts: 47 Member
    Similar boat. I broke up with the only bf id had (after 5 years of dating) in march and now I'm wondering when the best time is to start dating again is, especially when my relationship was part of the reason i gained so much weight. And I think I've figured it out...

    The answer is there is no answer! It'll just happen. A confident woman is a happy woman and a happy/ confident woman is an attractive one. If the concentrating on me thing makes you feel great then stick to it and you never know who might look at you (not because of something stuck in your teeth). One thing I had a major problem with was wondering if I could ever find someone else to be with and now (12kg later) it honestly doesnt bother me because I feel like I've achieved so much. And its the ebst feeling in the world to just not care about when should i start dating or will people find me attractive. I'm probably heading a bit off topic (I guess i just needed to say those things out loud) but the simple answer is don't worry about it! Just make sure you're happy and it'll happen when it happens.

    :) xx
  • nananie2
    nananie2 Posts: 272 Member
    Similar boat. I broke up with the only bf id had (after 5 years of dating) in march and now I'm wondering when the best time is to start dating again is, especially when my relationship was part of the reason i gained so much weight. And I think I've figured it out...

    The answer is there is no answer! It'll just happen. A confident woman is a happy woman and a happy/ confident woman is an attractive one. If the concentrating on me thing makes you feel great then stick to it and you never know who might look at you (not because of something stuck in your teeth). One thing I had a major problem with was wondering if I could ever find someone else to be with and now (12kg later) it honestly doesnt bother me because I feel like I've achieved so much. And its the ebst feeling in the world to just not care about when should i start dating or will people find me attractive. I'm probably heading a bit off topic (I guess i just needed to say those things out loud) but the simple answer is don't worry about it! Just make sure you're happy and it'll happen when it happens.


    :) xx

    I agree... I'm not in a hurry honestly. I think I just feel more pressure from everybody else some days. My friends don't bother me much with it, but my mom... oh my mom! I think she sometimes forget I'm a 37 year old woman. :wink:
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    @nananie2
    Keep me posted. I haven't been on a first date in 15 years! Been single for long enough now and have promised myself that once I lose 20 more pounds I'll start to date (ready or not!). Only problem is shortly after I made that decision, I hit a plateau...wonder if there is a connection? Ha
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