My thoughts on depression
TrishJimenez
Posts: 561 Member
I heard somewhere once that depression is just anger with out enthusiasm.
And then there are also the people that get depressed because they feel like they have no control or to little control over their lives.
Then there are the people that are depressed because they are unhappy but dont feel like it is in their power to change their lives for what ever reason.
Maybe because the changes would make someone they love unhappy.
All of the above would apply to me.
Am I depressed because I am a control freak?
I dont think I am. I dont have to control other people. I actually go out of my way NOT to control other people. But I do need control over my life and my future and the future of my children.
I am the opposite of a control freak in that I will walk away from someone who refuses to take responsibility for them selves and their decisions and if i feel their decisions are affecting me and my children negatively. I feel that is the opposite of control freak.
anyways I know I am rambling. Just feeling blue today and a little hopeless. And terrified of getting married again. I seriously think this is why I am depressed. Between not being able to have the tiny wedding that I wanted and having very little control over this HUGE wedding that we are having instead. Being afraid that i am going to loose financial control of my household. And just freaking out about getting married again. I am about to turn into the runaway bride.
And then there are also the people that get depressed because they feel like they have no control or to little control over their lives.
Then there are the people that are depressed because they are unhappy but dont feel like it is in their power to change their lives for what ever reason.
Maybe because the changes would make someone they love unhappy.
All of the above would apply to me.
Am I depressed because I am a control freak?
I dont think I am. I dont have to control other people. I actually go out of my way NOT to control other people. But I do need control over my life and my future and the future of my children.
I am the opposite of a control freak in that I will walk away from someone who refuses to take responsibility for them selves and their decisions and if i feel their decisions are affecting me and my children negatively. I feel that is the opposite of control freak.
anyways I know I am rambling. Just feeling blue today and a little hopeless. And terrified of getting married again. I seriously think this is why I am depressed. Between not being able to have the tiny wedding that I wanted and having very little control over this HUGE wedding that we are having instead. Being afraid that i am going to loose financial control of my household. And just freaking out about getting married again. I am about to turn into the runaway bride.
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Replies
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Have you spoken to your fiance? Go on a date night and have a chat. ALSO do you take much time out for you? I suggest you do it lots be selfish with your you time. Do you see friends often? Friends are the best and picking your spirits up. Got none then join a club in whatever you like and get some.
MWAH feel better soon0 -
Hello, I understand how you feel. I have battled with depression and anxiety all of my adult life. I deal with it by abusing food or alcohol. Now I'm choosing to take out my stress by working out or lifting weights. I also pray or read a girly novel! A good laugh doesn't hurt either. I wish you the best of luck on your wedding. Take it a day at a time!
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Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.
From Mayo Clinic: Depression is a medical illness that involves the mind and body. Also called major depression, major depressive disorder and clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave. Depression can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn't worth living.
More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn't a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply "snap out" of. Depression is a chronic illness that usually requires long-term treatment, like diabetes or high blood pressure.0 -
I believe depression runs in families, there is some sort of chemical imbalance in the brain that causes depression. Have you talked to your doctor yet? Maybe they could put you on a antidepressant for a few months. Wishing you well.0
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WHY is your wedding ogin to be so huge? Most men could give two shi-craps about a big wedding. Is the DA DA DUHHHH! MOTHER IN LAW!!!???? That's what mine did to me! I had had a marriage before that was HORRID and so when i got married the second time i wanted it really teeeiiiiinyyyyy. so did nate. but nooooo SHE had to PLAN the WHOLE f****ing THING!!! It was all in her style (80"S!!??) and odne in MAROON!!! which is like my most HATED color and which her whole living room looks like a maroon monster blew up in it. oh-this is about you , right. sorry. anyway, why is your wedding so big? can you tone it down? i would talk to fiance and find out what he thinks, then do what you want anyway. hehe0
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What I hear from you is stress. I too run away from stress to my couch and my computer or my bed. Being a control freak is stressful in itself because you can't really control your life. Weddings I don't even want to talk about. I recommend eloping. Feel free to vent any time. I'm a good listener!0
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trisharrell,
I wish I had answers for you but I don't. I have felt depression for all of those 3 reasons as well....still do at times. Sometimes I can get myself out of the funk, other times it takes something more (usually food). I agree with @ritajean3, you need to talk with your fiance. If you're not able to talk to him, you're not ready to get married. Marriage is about communication. I know that sounds like a cliche, but I damaged my own marriage keeping things from my wife because I was afraid of how she'd react. I didn't trust her with my deepest fears.
Add me as a friend if you'd like. If you need someone to vent to, I'm here. Good Luck!
--PixarDad0 -
I do know all of this. I have been hospitalized 3 times in the last 15 years for depression. But this is the first time in well a LONG time that I needed medication again. And I have been thru some really though time the last few years and not needed medication. I just did what I needed to do and got up and went to work every day and took life one minute at a time. And the problems resolved themselves and things got better and I never once felt powerless and I was single. Now I feel powerless and I had to go back on antidepressants and I know this is not a failure. (I also describe depression as a medical condition that is very similar to diabetes) And the meds are defiantly helping. I know this because I am not in a hospital right now. But you did say that depression affects the mind and how you think feel and behave. Maybe I am feeling this way because of the depression. And not depressed because of what is going on in my life right now? I guess that is a much better way of looking at things. I am just afraid I am going to be at this big wedding with all these people and all these cameras and I wont look happy. (not good at pretending, never was) My fiance is being very pa taint and understanding.Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.
From Mayo Clinic: Depression is a medical illness that involves the mind and body. Also called major depression, major depressive disorder and clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave. Depression can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn't worth living.
More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn't a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply "snap out" of. Depression is a chronic illness that usually requires long-term treatment, like diabetes or high blood pressure.0 -
I watched a DVD called Food Matters. It said that depression was a brain condition, a niacin deficiency. I started taking niacin and it really helps. Niacin increases blood flow to your brain.0
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Hang in there, you're not alone. I also suffer from depression and anxiety, and oddly enough it started while I was planning my wedding. You've gotten some great advice so far: talk to your fiancée, friends, anyone. Make time for yourself, it's ok to be selfish every now and then, especially if it's for your mental health. I recommend seeing your Dr, maybe he can give you a light antidepressant. Trust me, they work wonders.
It will get better.0 -
You sound more stressed than depressed to me. I think maybe you need to sit down with your fiance and talk about your fears and what you are feeling. It is normal to feel stressed and uncertain with the big changes that are coming. Remember, all this day is about is you and your fiance getting married. There is a whole bunch of crazy details that go with it, but at the end of the day it is not about any of that. Spend some time enjoying being together and remember why you are getting married. I wanted a small wedding and it exploded (because of my MIL) and totally stressed me out. I had to remind myself that it was about being married to my husband, not all the silly other stuff. If you have fears or misgivings that go beyond just the stress of the wedding, now is the time to address those with your fiance and within yourself.
Good luck and try to enjoy it as much as you can!0 -
Sometimes certain situations can trigger a depressive event. Anxiety and depression can be intertwined. Do you have anyone you can talk to in a professional capacity?0
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Hi there,
If you actually clinically depressed (rather than just feeling down at the moment, which is bad enough!) then you need to do something about it. Seriously, depression is an illness that can get worse and is unlikely to just magically heal by itself. This is a New Zealand site, but it's really thorough - have a good look-see. http://www.depression.org.nz/content/depression/signs
Here's a bit about depression vs. feeling down:
"We all feel down from time to time, but symptoms of depression should be taken seriously if they last for more than two weeks.
Key signs of depression:
constantly feeling down or hopeless
having little interest or pleasure in doing things you used to enjoy
Possible signs of depression:
irritability or restlessness feeling tired all the time, or general loss of energy
feelings of emptiness or loneliness
no longer interested in favourite activities
sleep problems – too much, or too little
weight loss or gain
low self-esteem
problems with concentration
reduced sex drive
thinking about death a lot"
If you think you may be depressed, see your Dr as a first action and talk about medication and therapy. Or even just check out the self-help techniques: http://www.depression.org.nz/content/waythrough/self+help
Good luck on your journey.
PS - I'd focus on sorting out your depression before trying to lose weight as symptoms like the ones mentioned above would make weight loss very difficult indeed.0 -
Ooh, have just see that you have been treated for depression in the past... Great! - seek out help wherever you can and good luck sorting out your head! 0
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WHY is your wedding ogin to be so huge? Most men could give two shi-craps about a big wedding. Is the DA DA DUHHHH! MOTHER IN LAW!!!???? That's what mine did to me! I had had a marriage before that was HORRID and so when i got married the second time i wanted it really teeeiiiiinyyyyy. so did nate. but nooooo SHE had to PLAN the WHOLE f****ing THING!!! It was all in her style (80"S!!??) and odne in MAROON!!! which is like my most HATED color and which her whole living room looks like a maroon monster blew up in it. oh-this is about you , right. sorry. anyway, why is your wedding so big? can you tone it down? i would talk to fiance and find out what he thinks, then do what you want anyway. hehe
Yes it is the MIL and my fh was like please do this for her. That they had done so much for him and well if this would make them happy then it would make him happy if I could relax. And they are paying for most of it. We sure cant afford it. But yea, she chose the cake most of my bridesmaids, and then recently added like 4 more groomsman that wont even wear matching tuxs cuz they are from out of state and renting their tuxes there. She chose the hall, the food, photographer, dj and well I gave pictures of the flowers I wanted but she chose the florist so we will see how it turns out. What ever , I really dont care any more. I guess the biggest issue is my fh is younger then me, doesnt have any children of his own. I have 3 kids and 1 is a teenager and another a preteen. After living together a year I am not feeling the sense of family I was expecting. I have tried a blended marriage before and it failed badly. And now we cant even agree on where to live. He wants to move and pay less rent. I dont understand how if I was paying this much ON MY OWN because I needed to live in a part of town I feel comfortable and feel my children will get a good education (its las vegas) then how can he come in and say he wants us to scale back our bills and move closer to work. (if you want to live in a nice area and not get gouged for rent you have to live on the edge of the city) if we live closer to work and not live in the hood then it will increase our rent. You cant do both. He grew up in the hood, his parents still live in the hood. I grew up in a tiny tiny town. Vegas is scary to me. His idea of a nice area is a lot different then mine. It feels hopeless to me. But maybe it is the depression talking? IDK0 -
I am sorry, I didn't see your second post before I posted. Have you talked to your doctor? If you are on antidepressants and have a history of depression, you may just need a dose adjustment to deal with this particularly stressful time. I have depression and it is genetic for me. My mother committed suicide when I was very young. I take antidepressants and I have to get the dose adjusted at times and have even had to switch meds. I wouldn't take a change if you have a history with it.0
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Sometimes certain situations can trigger a depressive event. Anxiety and depression can be intertwined. Do you have anyone you can talk to in a professional capacity?
no insurance. not until jan. I got freaked out enough that I went to a dr and paid cash and been paying cash for antidepressants and anti anxiety meds at the tune of about 200 a month but it was necessarily. Been on it 2 months now0 -
Hi there,
If you actually clinically depressed (rather than just feeling down at the moment, which is bad enough!) then you need to do something about it. Seriously, depression is an illness that can get worse and is unlikely to just magically heal by itself. This is a New Zealand site, but it's really thorough - have a good look-see. http://www.depression.org.nz/content/depression/signs
Here's a bit about depression vs. feeling down:
"We all feel down from time to time, but symptoms of depression should be taken seriously if they last for more than two weeks.
Key signs of depression:
constantly feeling down or hopeless
having little interest or pleasure in doing things you used to enjoy
Possible signs of depression:
irritability or restlessness feeling tired all the time, or general loss of energy
feelings of emptiness or loneliness
no longer interested in favourite activities
sleep problems – too much, or too little
weight loss or gain
low self-esteem
problems with concentration
reduced sex drive
thinking about death a lot"
If you think you may be depressed, see your Dr as a first action and talk about medication and therapy. Or even just check out the self-help techniques: http://www.depression.org.nz/content/waythrough/self+help
Good luck on your journey.
PS - I'd focus on sorting out your depression before trying to lose weight as symptoms like the ones mentioned above would make weight loss very difficult indeed.
on your ps. do you think that the calorie restriction caused the depression to start? It started around the time I started loosing weight. Or maybe cuz thats when the wedding planing started. We finally gave the fmil the date of the wedding and told her it was a drive thru wedding but we could plan a party later and we had it all planed out. Tea lenghth gown for me, he could wear what ever he wanted. then a nice private lunch with just the two of us. Then go see his parents etc and head off on a small trip to the beach for a few days for a honeymoon. Now it is 200 guests, a dress that costs 500 dollars like 9 groomsman and 5 bridesmaids. And she and i work together and EVERYONE from work is comming to the wedding that can get it off. And I am afraid I am going to end up being one of those brides who cries all day instead of looking happy cuz well the depression has turned me into a zombie. I dont really feel anything any more, just go thru the motions. The meds have helped a lot though. But at the moment I feel like he could walk away and it would be a few months before I really cared. And the wedding is in 3 weeks. Im sorry you guys. I shouldnt be dumping all this out on you. I just cant really talk to anyone else. All my friends are friends with his mom. My mom is sick and my dad is dealing with that. And my only other friend is a bridesmaid that used to be dating my future brother in law and now my mil and her hate each other. Talking to her is not a good idea. And well I am kind of afraid of my future mil0 -
Hi. I think there are a lot of red flags going up in this relationship. I don't know your true situation, but I just want to express that you can always postpone the wedding. It's a heck of a lot easier to postpone it than it is to wake up and realize that you made a mistake after the fact.
Please, for the sake of you and your children, put things on hold until you can sort through what it is that's truly bothering you. If your fh really loves you, he will understand and support you. But it kinda sounds like you and your children's well being is not first and foremost in his mind.
My priest met me on the steps of the church the night before my wedding, and reminded me that it was not too late to change my mind.
How I wish I had listened to his advice.0 -
Thanks you guys, I guess I had fallen into my dark twisty place. I am feeling a bit better. And tomorrow is another day. You all really helped letting me get it all out. I really appreciate it. Truly0
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Hi. I think there are a lot of red flags going up in this relationship. I don't know your true situation, but I just want to express that you can always postpone the wedding. It's a heck of a lot easier to postpone it than it is to wake up and realize that you made a mistake after the fact.
Please, for the sake of you and your children, put things on hold until you can sort through what it is that's truly bothering you. If your fh really loves you, he will understand and support you. But it kinda sounds like you and your children's well being is not first and foremost in his mind.
My priest met me on the steps of the church the night before my wedding, and reminded me that it was not too late to change my mind.
How I wish I had listened to his advice.
With everything that I have gone thru in the past it is really hard sometimes for me to tell the difference between what I perceive to be real and what is me being paranoid and untrusting. I guess I just need a professional to help me sort thru it all0 -
You might have depression but you sound more like anxiety. Time to creep people out. I was hospitalized for depression , anxiety, and OCD once. We found out that I can't take steroid medicines because I get wigged out on them. It was pretty bad. All I did was want to eat, cry, and hide in bed....so that is all I did. I worried about everything, worrying is usually more anxiety then depression which is the feeling nothing is worth it and you just give up. It's natural to worry though as well. Depression is very real and it's not something people can just turn off or quit. I had my mom tell me to just quit being such a grumpy sad person. I didn't want to be but my mind was so locked into it. There was no other choice for me, I had tried to force happy thoughts and etc but it just wouldn't work. I've always been a cinicle person but this was beyond that. It's amazing what drugs can do to us. I will never be able to take prednisone or any high level steroid again. It's been 3 years since that incident but it still sits in the back of my mind. I still have bouts of OCD every once n awhile but I've had them since I was a kid. Now that I've freaked everyone out......Btw I'm am drug free and I take nothing for depression and anxiety anymore and haven't for a little over two years, so it's not a life sentence if you get diagnosed.
You sound normal to me and sound like a responsible adult. Communication is key to this situation you are in IMO. you don't sound like you are going through a bout of the darks. It's natural to worry, it's an issue when you obsess to the point you can't function. Reason I say that you are obsessing over things, when I got jacked up I obsessed and worried about everything. I was going to,die, fleas, spiders, medicines was going to kill me, wife hated me, everyone hated me, I was going to have a stroke, etc every little thing triggered more to worry about. I was having panic attacks. You seem to be more one sided on it. I would seek helped you feel you need it no one but you really knows that. You sound more insecure and hurt from a past situation then anything. Just make sure you are communicating with your hubby to be. You have to trust to marry or it isn't just going to be your life that is miserable you'll bring his down as well. That isn't to be mean, it's just saying when you marrying a lot of your choices and feeling effects the other person as well.0 -
Trish,
How I wish I could be there for you. I feel so horrible for leaving you and the kids. We are trying to make it back to Vegas. I miss you my friend and weirdly i'll always feel like your a kind of sister to me in a way. I hope you feel the same. Depression and Anxiety is very normal in stressful situations. It seems though that since planning this wedding you were like this because I didn't feel this around you before. You were quick to smile and I got lots of hugs and great vibes from you.
Not having control in a HUGE day in your life will affect you no matter how much you try to downplay it. I mean its your wedding! YOUR day! You should have been able to have it your way and not have anyone put their nose in it except FH. I know that FH won't agree to elopement. I don't mean to state the obvious but if your future MIL is controlling this wedding where will she stop trying to control things in your lives? I come from being of the same ethnic origin that your FH is coming from and well moms can be very in control of sons lives. I hope that he will soon cut the cord and start thinking for himself.
As to what he wants to do with the move, Don't do it. You know how crappy Vegas school system is and well anywhere near the hood is where your kids will go and be influenced by those other kids. Be firm in your concerns about the kids. If you have to, Make us the bad guys ok? We don't mind and we want the best for the kids where ever they are.
Just remember to trust your gut instincts. and if you feel that you can't trust them because you don't know if you are just freaking out talk with your therapist. I'm always here if you need me Trish. Call me anytime ok? I love you and i'm sending light and love your way! *hugs*0 -
You are right celina. And i miss you so much. Yes som of my worry is how will she be after the wedding. And she is so mean to his brother ex gf. I mean the poor girl is 19 with two little boys making it on her own. Cut her some slack. I dont worry thatthey will control me or my choices with my kids. You know how i hate conflict though. And i sm not a kid anymore. I have made the hard choices in the past for my kids. And i will do it again. When it comes to my kids i will not compromise. Money is super tight. And that is the months when money is good at work. And this is the slow time of year. I understand about the rent. It is a lot. But well that is priority for me. Like you said. So there are going to b fights. Anyways. I was tired and frustrated last night. Today is a new day 0
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One foot in front of the other. We all have those frustrating moments in our lives. Isn't it nice to have a place to vent ?! That's how I see this area of happiness. I can vent and move on to another day.0
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