Husband's support

PeytonLT
PeytonLT Posts: 20
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
I am on marriage number two. The first husband NEVER wanted me to lose weight because he thought I would leave him if I ever got 'skinny'. Joke is on him because I left him while I was still fat! Now my current husband, he has always been supportive of anything I do. He has loved me at my highest weight and has stood behind me when I have done all of my crazy yo-yo diets, etc...
Maybe it's because I'm more serious about it this time and I've explained to him that I'm not on a 'diet', I am simply eating healthier and exercising the way I should have been a long time ago. He saw that I joined this site and made a comment that really rubbed me the wrong way. He saw that I could have friends on here and I could chat and whatnot, and he says, "You're not going to leave me for a fatty are you?". I simply said, "I AM the fatty". He has never said anything like that before. What am I supposed to think about this? He wasn't joking. I don't know... Maybe I shouldn't let it get to me, but it's just so out of character for my usually very supportive husband. Ugh. Just ranting....

Peyton

Replies

  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    Everyone has bad days and low-self-esteem moments. He sounds like he has been a great and supportive husband except for saying one thing. Talk to him about it, or move on.
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
    I wouldn't worry about that. I don't think his comment meant anything at all. When we get married we should go into it with both eyes open. After we get married close one eye. Forgive his comment and get on with it. I'm sure he did not mean to hurt you.:smile:

    By the way, I think you two make a beautiful couple.
  • brk_1982
    brk_1982 Posts: 125 Member
    Maybe he's just feeling insecure. Explain that you getting healthy is for you AND him - you want to be around for him for the long haul, right? Maybe get him involved so he's not threatened by this new aspect of your life. If he's always supportive and just made one hurtful comment, give him the benefit of the doubt this time but make it known that you need his support and won't settle for anything less. Good luck!
  • PeytonLT
    PeytonLT Posts: 20
    Oh, I'll get over it... LOL I just hope he doesn't turn into my ex. I want to look good and be healthy for me and for him also... That's it. I guess he was just having an a-hole moment.
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
    Maybe he's just feeling insecure. Explain that you getting healthy is for you AND him - you want to be around for him for the long haul, right? Maybe get him involved so he's not threatened by this new aspect of your life. If he's always supportive and just made one hurtful comment, give him the benefit of the doubt this time but make it known that you need his support and won't settle for anything less. Good luck!

    I agree. Keep him involved in your posts and the comments that people make that you find entertaining. Share everything with him and he won't feel left out. And he can better know how to support you.
  • Leyla135
    Leyla135 Posts: 48
    Dont let him start making comments like that , put your foot down and let him know how you feel. My ex-husband use to always make ugly comments whether its having friends on this site or whatever it may be that made me feel upset and never spoke up. With my boyfriend now has tried to make dumb comments and i tell him right away that i am not gonna put with it and he needs to stop cause im not dealing with it again, in a very harsh tone :mad: , its like you smacked him in the face without giving him a time to realize what the hell happened :noway: .
  • PeytonLT
    PeytonLT Posts: 20
    I wouldn't worry about that. I don't think his comment meant anything at all. When we get married we should go into it with both eyes open. After we get married close one eye. Forgive his comment and get on with it. I'm sure he did not mean to hurt you.:smile:

    By the way, I think you two make a beautiful couple.


    Thank you!!! :D
  • Enginette
    Enginette Posts: 123 Member
    I sort of have the same issue...my husband is not keen on social networking. He doesn't say it too often, but I know he doesn't like it when I am on Facebook or MFP for any great length of time. I believe he is also nervous (I am speculating a little here) that I am going to meet someone online. He has never said anything to me like what your husband said, but I just sense the feeling...call it woman's intuition. :happy:

    To be honest, I enjoy having similar things to chat about while on MFP. I think I am on MFP more so than FB! Everyone is so supportive and it helps me. I think if you explain it to your husband in that manner, perhaps he will see the benefit and lose the insecurity...because you know that is all it really is...his insecurity. And to be honest, honey, there is nothing you can do to help him with that! That is his beast to concquer, not yours! (Man, I sort of sound like Dr. Laura after re-reading that! LOL)

    I assume he has no reason to believe that you would ever leave him based on your history together, so just keep doing what makes you happy and prove to him that this is beneficial to YOU and he should come around! That is basically what I am doing for my situation.

    Take care, Peyton!

    Tanya
  • SPheonix22
    SPheonix22 Posts: 90 Member
    He was either joking or probably a little insecure. If you are spending time on the site and it's taking time away from him, he just might be letting you know that although he supports you, he wants his time too. Make sure he understands that you love HIM reguraly. Besides I don't know how long youve been married but people do have off days.
  • Melissaol
    Melissaol Posts: 948 Member
    Your not alone. I went through the same thing when I started the site. He was glad that I was lossing, but also scared that I was going to leave him. He would not even noldge that I have lots. My daughter was getting mad at him. My daughter was helping me find a outfit for a event that him and I were going to. I shoewed him every outfit, but no response. The next day I got out of the shower went over to him and said. 1 thing.IM NOT LEAVING YOU.... 2 Im doing it for myself, so I can feel better about myself. 3 So I can live a longer healthier life. Walked away went to work. Did not mension it again. I still ate the way I wanted and workout the same.

    After awhile summer came and I did my first 5k. He didn't come cause he was working. But he was glad I did it. Then this summer on the way to our lake place, he asked how im doing on my lossing weight. I said I haven't lost anymore over the summer. He said don't give up, you have gone so far and look great. You can do it. you can reach your goal.

    Then the other day he asked me if I seen the pictures on the computer. I said yes He said I knkow you have lost alot but , sence I see you every day he just got used to it. But when you look at those old pictures of me its like WOW, you have lost alot. S

    SO know he is all for this site and working out. I did run another 5k, he was there taking pictures on the corner when I came by. and at the finish line he was so excited that I made it, that he forgot to take a picture of me coming over the finish line. He gave me a great big huge and sad Im proud of you.... It will get better, just give it time.
  • KellieYoung
    KellieYoung Posts: 4
    it doesn't sound like his issue is with you losing weight but more that you will be confiding in other people rather than him, which he would see as his role as your husband. As long as you continue to include him I am sure you guys will be fine.

    Good luck!

    x
  • PeytonLT
    PeytonLT Posts: 20
    I sort of have the same issue...my husband is not keen on social networking. He doesn't say it too often, but I know he doesn't like it when I am on Facebook or MFP for any great length of time. I believe he is also nervous (I am speculating a little here) that I am going to meet someone online. He has never said anything to me like what your husband said, but I just sense the feeling...call it woman's intuition. :happy:

    To be honest, I enjoy having similar things to chat about while on MFP. I think I am on MFP more so than FB! Everyone is so supportive and it helps me. I think if you explain it to your husband in that manner, perhaps he will see the benefit and lose the insecurity...because you know that is all it really is...his insecurity. And to be honest, honey, there is nothing you can do to help him with that! That is his beast to concquer, not yours! (Man, I sort of sound like Dr. Laura after re-reading that! LOL)

    I assume he has no reason to believe that you would ever leave him based on your history together, so just keep doing what makes you happy and prove to him that this is beneficial to YOU and he should come around! That is basically what I am doing for my situation.

    Take care, Peyton!

    Tanya


    Thanks :) I tend to be more on MFP than FB these days, too! I love it here!! He is a FB junkie! He is a very big introvert and doesn't have but maybe 3 friends he talks to on a regular basis. He is mostly on there to play games. I am a chatter box and social butterfly. I love to talk to anyone who will listen. LOL His comment just rubbed me the wrong way. He's never made a fat joke about me, but does crack fat jokes about my ex-husband who is 6'6" and about 300lbs. It's like he is blind to MY fat. I hate fat jokes in any manner towards anyone. They hurt. I've been the butt end of MANY fat jokes in my lifetime. I've talked to him about it and he knows how I feel about it. We've been together for 4 years, married for 1. We have an almost two year old son together and I have two older boys from my previous marriage of 9 years. He's never been insecure about his size, he's 5'9 and around 170lbs... He does have social insecurities and is very socially awkward. I think it bothers him that I'm the complete opposite and will talk to anyone and is worried I will meet someone. This man knows how much I love him and want him, and he shouldn't have any worries. I've never done anything to make him worry. Thanks for all of your responses :) This is why I LOVE MFP!
  • Sheilaof757
    Sheilaof757 Posts: 5
    Don't worry about it this time...He probably was having an "insecure" moment since you say he is normally supportive. If he says something else to this regard, let him know your concern.

    Be blessed...keep up the good work!
  • Sweet13_Princess
    Sweet13_Princess Posts: 1,207 Member
    I know it's hard to look at his comment in a positive light, especially since you had issues with your husband in your previous marriage, but you have to also be careful not to make comparisons between the two men.

    I think everyone has insecure moments or has times when they should think before they speak. Women are more known for this than men, especially with self-esteem issues, but men can also feel bad about themselves at times too.

    Since it bothered you, maybe you want to make a point to talk to him about. Don't be accusational and don't compare him to your first husband. Do it over a low key dinner so that it's not made into some sort of high pressure, huge crisis. Just casually mention to him that you want to check in with him that it's okay that you use MFP, because you were concerned about his earlier comment. Explain why you feel the site is helpful and, most of all, tell him that you love him and that you appreciate his concern.

    Shannon
  • courtclerkkris
    courtclerkkris Posts: 173 Member
    I kind of feel your pain. I have lost 22 pounds and not once has my husband commented on my weight good, bad or indifferent. But I don't let it upset me because I am NOT doing it for him. I have friends that compliment me and the occasional compliment gets me through the tough times. I can simply look in the mirror and know why I am doing this and I don't need his approval or comments. Do what you gotta do for yourself....NO ONE ELSE WILL!
  • sanford10457
    sanford10457 Posts: 3 Member
    We all tend to say things out of character every now and then. Brush it off as a mistake,we all make them.
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