hello I am new here

Hello my name is Lindsey! I have always been over weight! I really think it started when I was a child. I ate anything and everything! My heaviest was over 200 pounds! When I got married back in 2001 my wedding dress was size 18 womens! I remember feeling awful about that and extreamly humiliated! I remember being at the dress shop watching these other women trying on their dresses and they looked so beautiful in their tiny little dresses. I wanted to be them and my depression got worse! I also remember eating when I felt that way, trying to make myself feel better. LOl. how ironic!!! One day I went to Mc Donalds and ordered two huge sandwiches and ate them on my way home and then got home to then eat dinner! That is when I started to realize how big my problem was! Not long later my marrige ended. There are no words that I can think of right now to explain what I was feeling at that time! My depession got worse and I turned to alcohol. I started losing some weight and I started feeling better about that but the depression was still there full force! Three years after my divorce I met someone else and we are still together today! I maintained the weight of 190 for many years! Then I started having pain in my stomach everytime I would eat! I started losing weight fast. Because It hurt everytime I would eat. I went to the doctors and they could not figure out what was wrong. I was sent out of town to see a specialist and still no answers! I was getting really frustrated but at the same time I was so happy because I was in size 7 jeans. I ended up having surgery and it turned out to be a type of diverticulitice. I am all healed and I am able to eat again with no pain. So thats where the new problem is....I can eat so that means I'll gain! And thats what I did! I can't fit in my jeans anymore. and I don't want to gain anymore! My goal weight is 130 and right now I am 171! I have started going to the gym and I am trying very hard to watch what I eat!
Thanks for the support!