Short rant
Today my wife received a letter from the Child Support Agency here in the UK, outlining what her ex has to pay in child support for the coming year. Our youngest just turned 19 so we figured they had it wrong, and that no more money was due, so my wife called to make sure it was correct. She was informed that her ex had already called to make sure things were 'correct', ie that he didn't have any more financial obligations. We have to pay him back for a part months contributions. No big deal.
BUT...
He called them to check on his financial obligations, but did not call his son to wish him a happy birthday, didn't send a card, and couldn't be arsed to even text him.
When our middle daughter headed off to university she asked me if she should ask her dad to make a small contribution to her phone bill. I said yes, but I didn't think he would help her out at all. She came back to me a few minutes later in tears. I knew what the answer would be. He said 'I give your mom money for you' and hung up. He never asked her what she was studying or where. She's studying to be a nurse ****head! How about being proud of her? She doesn't want his money, just a bit of approval and encouragement.
We have three kids. One is an assistant manager at a travel agency and expecting her first child (I'm going to be a grand dad!!), one is at uni studying nursing, and the boy is training to be a chef. The sperm donor should be proud.
I hope he dies lonely and bitter.
BUT...
He called them to check on his financial obligations, but did not call his son to wish him a happy birthday, didn't send a card, and couldn't be arsed to even text him.
When our middle daughter headed off to university she asked me if she should ask her dad to make a small contribution to her phone bill. I said yes, but I didn't think he would help her out at all. She came back to me a few minutes later in tears. I knew what the answer would be. He said 'I give your mom money for you' and hung up. He never asked her what she was studying or where. She's studying to be a nurse ****head! How about being proud of her? She doesn't want his money, just a bit of approval and encouragement.
We have three kids. One is an assistant manager at a travel agency and expecting her first child (I'm going to be a grand dad!!), one is at uni studying nursing, and the boy is training to be a chef. The sperm donor should be proud.
I hope he dies lonely and bitter.
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Replies
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too bad people don't need approval permits to father or carry a child. the world would be a better place.
:grumble:0 -
Sad.0
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With his attitude, I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Just don't let his negativity and bitterness spread to you. Sounds like you are a wonderful step-father and you should take joy in your relationships!
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Don't worry, he will.
I am the proud product of such a sperm donor, thankfully one parent could be arsed!
Also sounds like the kiddos landed on their feet with their stepdad.0 -
this is all too familiar to me.. my x does this to my son... i never bad mouthed him to my son and you know what over the years my son the incredibly smart child that he is has realized on his own that there are certain people that you can count on and certain people that you can never count on and the trick is knowing who is who and that really is a very important life lesson dont you think?0
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Sounds like the guy I call sperm donar too..
Sorry your kids are going through this, but I am glad you are there to support, encourage, and acknowledge all they are doing! My Step-dad has only been in my life for 9 years.. in that time he has been more of a father to me than my own dad was in 18. He may be a jerk but in the years to come your kids will look back and thing "Gee, my step-dad was a pretty great guy! and my dad missed out."0 -
Don't let his being a crappy father make you wish bad for anyone. Sounds like you're really above that anyway. He cares more about his money than he does his children. I'm sure they are happy to have you!0
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With an attitude like that he probably will0
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Those kids are lucky to have you in their lives. What an incredible prick.0
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On the other hand, my husband has paid child support for the last 10 years for his 2 children. His ex wife stopped him seeing them when we got married :-(
He drives a 300 mile round trip every birthday and christmas to take gifts and cards. He takes them during the night and leaves them outside the door. He pays 40% of his take home pay each month.
Last year he bought his eldest child (now 15) a lap top £400 and the same for his youngest child this year (13). His ex wife says by face book `thanks` and thats as much as he gets.
Until we got married we saw the kids regularly and everything was fine. When we were dating and engaged it wasnt a problem
He lives each day missing his children :-(0 -
Atleast they have you in their lives,they know who there real dad is0
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this is why some people should not breed
Kudos to you for being a standup dad and doing you best by them0 -
awful awful awful
Thank goodness they have you
Sounds like you have done a wonderful job.0 -
What do your long rants look like?.....nevermind, don't show me.
That is sad though.0 -
I know the type.
It is sad, and it really is his loss, though the kids deserve so much better. It sounds like you are there for them, which is ultimately what matters most. 0 -
We live in a bad part of Cali & it was safest to send her to a school out of the area, since my 2nd husband is a cop. My 1st husband (her dad) was "forced" to pay $75 a month for child support, never assisted in paying for her clothing for school, her private school, the books - nothing.
My ex- came to our daughter's graduation from High School in '07, sat through it, hugged her & left. That was the last time she has seen or heard from her father. Luckily, she has had my 2nd husband in her life since she was 2 & that is the man she calls dad. My 2nd husband says that she might not have his blood running through her veins, but he has always considered her his daughter. The big question is, who will walk her down the aisle when she gets married??? Or should the question really be IF her real dad will even show up???
Aren't exes wonderful!!0 -
He will die lonely...very lonely.
My daughter is 15 and her "donor" willingly gave up his rights from Jail. While she wants to know him, he can never be clean enough for her. I hope one day his eyes will open to the amazing young lady she is becoming...but I am so grateful she is mine0 -
this is all too familiar to me.. my x does this to my son... i never bad mouthed him to my son and you know what over the years my son the incredibly smart child that he is has realized on his own that there are certain people that you can count on and certain people that you can never count on and the trick is knowing who is who and that really is a very important life lesson dont you think?
Absolutely, but the down side is hearing them say stuff like 'Everybody lets me down' It's not directed at me or their mom but I know how they have come to feel that way. (Their grandfather is a waste of space as well, my wife's dad) I just be there, always.0 -
What do your long rants look like?.....nevermind, don't show me.
That is sad though.
Not as long as a short sarcastic 15 word message me thinks!0 -
We live in a bad part of Cali & it was safest to send her to a school out of the area, since my 2nd husband is a cop. My 1st husband (her dad) was "forced" to pay $75 a month for child support, never assisted in paying for her clothing for school, her private school, the books - nothing.
My ex- came to our daughter's graduation from High School in '07, sat through it, hugged her & left. That was the last time she has seen or heard from her father. Luckily, she has had my 2nd husband in her life since she was 2 & that is the man she calls dad. My 2nd husband says that she might not have his blood running through her veins, but he has always considered her his daughter. The big question is, who will walk her down the aisle when she gets married??? Or should the question really be IF her real dad will even show up???
Aren't exes wonderful!!
Damn right! As I said my eldest is pregnant. If it's boy his middle name will be William. Named after me. My heart just might burst with pride.0 -
Today my wife received a letter from the Child Support Agency here in the UK, outlining what her ex has to pay in child support for the coming year. Our youngest just turned 19 so we figured they had it wrong, and that no more money was due, so my wife called to make sure it was correct. She was informed that her ex had already called to make sure things were 'correct', ie that he didn't have any more financial obligations. We have to pay him back for a part months contributions. No big deal.
BUT...
He called them to check on his financial obligations, but did not call his son to wish him a happy birthday, didn't send a card, and couldn't be arsed to even text him.
When our middle daughter headed off to university she asked me if she should ask her dad to make a small contribution to her phone bill. I said yes, but I didn't think he would help her out at all. She came back to me a few minutes later in tears. I knew what the answer would be. He said 'I give your mom money for you' and hung up. He never asked her what she was studying or where. She's studying to be a nurse ****head! How about being proud of her? She doesn't want his money, just a bit of approval and encouragement.
We have three kids. One is an assistant manager at a travel agency and expecting her first child (I'm going to be a grand dad!!), one is at uni studying nursing, and the boy is training to be a chef. The sperm donor should be proud.
I hope he dies lonely and bitter.
that's what you're there for...to be a proud dad that gives the love their sperm donor won't. As a fellow step-parent, your role is tougher than a bio parent because you have to earn their respect and love...sounds to me like you're doing an awesome job. We never counted on the egg donor to help out in any way. As for as my fiance and I are concerned...the boy is OUR son, not hers. Unfortunetly she died of a drug over-dose last month, and now my role has changed dramatically. Give them your love and your unconditional support...and when they go for their father for approval and they don't get it, make sure they can come to you for it. Nice work step-dad!0 -
That is so very awesome. Honestly. It makes me smile to read this.We live in a bad part of Cali & it was safest to send her to a school out of the area, since my 2nd husband is a cop. My 1st husband (her dad) was "forced" to pay $75 a month for child support, never assisted in paying for her clothing for school, her private school, the books - nothing.
My ex- came to our daughter's graduation from High School in '07, sat through it, hugged her & left. That was the last time she has seen or heard from her father. Luckily, she has had my 2nd husband in her life since she was 2 & that is the man she calls dad. My 2nd husband says that she might not have his blood running through her veins, but he has always considered her his daughter. The big question is, who will walk her down the aisle when she gets married??? Or should the question really be IF her real dad will even show up???
Aren't exes wonderful!!
Damn right! As I said my eldest is pregnant. If it's boy his middle name will be William. Named after me. My heart just might burst with pride.0 -
He will die lonely...very lonely.
My daughter is 15 and her "donor" willingly gave up his rights from Jail. While she wants to know him, he can never be clean enough for her. I hope one day his eyes will open to the amazing young lady she is becoming...but I am so grateful she is mine
Right on! My take is this. I, by virtue of just caring, have taken everything meaningful from him. How can he not see that? He is so small that he hurts his kids to get to his ex.0 -
And they aren't 'part of the deal'
They're my kids.0
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